Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
- Add a comment
- Go to No matter how well you think you know someone…the truth is, you may not.
belle, thanks. I don't lament the past, only try to understand it as best
I can.
posted by
Julia.
on July 23, 2004 at 9:49 AM
| link to this | reply
sassy, thank you for caring, and for sharing what you did. Hugs to you.
posted by
Julia.
on July 23, 2004 at 9:48 AM
| link to this | reply
jimmy68, thank you. At times I often question whether I AM sane, but
I get by because I am alive. And with breath still in me, I have to fight for that life to be worth living.
posted by
Julia.
on July 23, 2004 at 9:47 AM
| link to this | reply
Kay-Ren, thank you for your wonderful, unique perspective on this difficult
subject.
posted by
Julia.
on July 23, 2004 at 9:45 AM
| link to this | reply
ksurah, thanks! You do know, I presume, that only one click counts if you
click the same post three times?
posted by
Julia.
on July 23, 2004 at 9:44 AM
| link to this | reply
Thanks for telling it like it is/was
If only this hadn't happened.
My best friend's sister committed suicide many years ago and I minded her very young daughters while there mother was being buried.
posted by
beachbelle
on July 23, 2004 at 5:58 AM
| link to this | reply
15 is a hard age to grasp at this kind of thing
I know, because I was 15 when my Father committed suicide. He accidentally killed both of his parents, the Grandparents that I would dearly love to have around for a hug when things are tough. I still to this day am haunted by his actions. I like you do not trust people as you never really know what is deep in their heart or mind. I am sorry for your loss, and mine as well.
posted by
Sherri_G
on July 23, 2004 at 4:24 AM
| link to this | reply
Ouch!
at fifteen? It's a miracle that you are anywhere near sane and whole...good work and my empathy
posted by
jimmy68
on July 22, 2004 at 10:51 PM
| link to this | reply
I sincerely wish that no one ever learned that lesson, but with all rules I hope you have found the exception to the rule. The exception is yourself. You can trust you and so can other people.
Actually, for a long time I trusted people to do the wrong thing. Expecting people to screw me over made me love them for the now. I enjoy what time I can have with someone and when it was over I was left with some nice memories. It was a nice rationalization. I still use it with almost everyone I know.
My exceptions are my spouse, my grandmother, and myself. I don’t expect them to screw me over and it would mess me up if they ever did.
I am sorry you learned this lesson too. You've written it wonderfully.
posted by
Kay-Ren
on July 22, 2004 at 8:54 PM
| link to this | reply
Wow, Quirky...
You've lived with a lot of pain tucked deep inside for a long time. My heart goes out to you...and here is a hug...
And here are your three clicks!
posted by
ksurah
on July 22, 2004 at 7:52 PM
| link to this | reply
helene. thanks for making me laugh with the poopyhead bit.
That counts for something!!
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 7:39 PM
| link to this | reply
Quirky,
sounds really awful, and I'm sorry it had to happen to your family... I wish I can say something to help.
You know I'm here for you right? You're my poopyhead. I am really sorry.
posted by
helene
on July 22, 2004 at 7:23 PM
| link to this | reply
E-Shock, thanks for caring. Um...did I hear it's your birthday??
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 6:24 PM
| link to this | reply
QA
I agree and also am familiar with your story... very sad.. wish I had some words of wisdom for you. xoxo
posted by
EccentricShock
on July 22, 2004 at 6:20 PM
| link to this | reply
kyle, yeah, kind of a double-whammie I guess you could say.
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 6:14 PM
| link to this | reply
lonebutte, sorry to leave you speechless as well.
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 6:13 PM
| link to this | reply
Spitfire, Yes, I know, thanks.
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 6:06 PM
| link to this | reply
Ariala, life continues because it must, but not without much difficulty.
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 6:05 PM
| link to this | reply
Quirky,
Um, I don't know what to say, so I'll say nothing and you'll know what I mean and what I feel in my heart.
posted by
SpitFire70
on July 22, 2004 at 5:50 PM
| link to this | reply
Wow, just now read this...how incredibly shocking and sad this must have
been. How does life continue after such things?
posted by
Ariala
on July 22, 2004 at 5:32 PM
| link to this | reply
Possum, not sure this is the post I would choose to be remembered by,
but thanks for your comment. I'm posting a follow-up tomorrow.
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 5:29 PM
| link to this | reply
By this post, if nothing else, I will remember you by.
Spare a little thought for your brother, may he rest in peace. That he wrestled with his conscience, handed down his verdict and performed his own execution was the mark of good person inside. Lesser persons would not have given a damn.
Modern forensic medicine, if given half a chance, would have proven him innocent. He needed help but he did not recognize it himself. Neither, it appears, did the ones close to him. Until it was too late.
posted by
Possum
on July 22, 2004 at 5:24 PM
| link to this | reply
katray, thanks for the lovely words from a lovely person!
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 5:06 PM
| link to this | reply
Ca88, thanks for reading and for hugging. Love, QA aka PoopyH
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 5:05 PM
| link to this | reply
Hello Quirky
What amazing strength and courage you have. And you write about this heart wrenching experience with such graceful honesty. Will be following. Take care.
posted by
Katray2
on July 22, 2004 at 5:01 PM
| link to this | reply
Quirky - a big hug for you! You are very brave and my thoughts are with you.
posted by
Ca88andra
on July 22, 2004 at 4:59 PM
| link to this | reply
Shadow, well, you just have to start asking the right
questions and then, don't censor what comes because it isn't the answer that you wish for!
But thanks for the vote of confidence.
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 4:55 PM
| link to this | reply
Quirky,
You are the best example of a individual that knows "who" they are and where they are going that I've met in a long time. Wished I had that preception for sure. shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 22, 2004 at 4:39 PM
| link to this | reply
T99--how much do you think I should charge for that "lofty" space?
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 4:33 PM
| link to this | reply
I hope you're not going to start charging me rent. *lol*
posted by
Tamara99
on July 22, 2004 at 2:30 PM
| link to this | reply
shadow, thanks. I am not asking "why," I am again
just attempting to look at "who I am" in this situation, and wanting to write about it to a) find that truth and b) not hide it from everyone anymore.
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 2:26 PM
| link to this | reply
T99, sometimes I feel like you live inside my head. I was
just talking about this with a friend. I'm hearing Twilight Zone Music.
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 2:15 PM
| link to this | reply
"word," thanks much for your insightful comment. Love, Quirky
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 2:14 PM
| link to this | reply
how horrible for your family. i know how painful and confusing the suicide of a loved one can be, but to know the loved one was a murderer is something so horrific i couldn't even imagine that pain.
posted by
kyle510
on July 22, 2004 at 1:56 PM
| link to this | reply
Wow. I don't know what to say. That's a heavy memory to live with all these years.
posted by
lonebutte
on July 22, 2004 at 1:36 PM
| link to this | reply
Quirk,
You know that I understand your confusion and pain and sorrow. You know about my past and know like you I have had to face many hours of asking "why?" We never really know what causes a person to become bad. Each of us is a unique complex of just "me" and sometimes that "me" can't cope anymore. I eventually learned to forgive those who harmed me. Instead of knowing fear, I got angry and this helped me to realize that I could fight a mental battle to keep myself sane. As the years have passed the nightmares have gone away. Maybe you are asking the wrong "why", I was. When I asked the right question, then the anger took over and the anger gave me strength to realize that my situation was not my fault. What happened with your brother was not your fault. love shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 22, 2004 at 12:29 PM
| link to this | reply
Have you gotten angry with him yet?
posted by
Tamara99
on July 22, 2004 at 11:46 AM
| link to this | reply
It's a sad, but true fact
that we never can truly know what's on the inside of another person. To add to that, some of us have different faces that we wear amongst different people. I guess we all may at sometime be hurt by seeming uncharted depths in others that we did not know existed, but we can't stay still, we have to get through our bad experiences, some way, some how.... Love Word
posted by
word.smith
on July 22, 2004 at 11:39 AM
| link to this | reply
RachelAnna, thank you.
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 11:27 AM
| link to this | reply
T99, I do plan to write more, I've spent far too many years
trying not to think of it, so it's time to get some of it out. Please DO read it!
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 11:27 AM
| link to this | reply
hannah b, thanks much! I'll take it!
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 11:21 AM
| link to this | reply
Melodystar, sometimes, that is the unfortunate truth.
posted by
Julia.
on July 22, 2004 at 11:20 AM
| link to this | reply
Woah!
What a painful thing to experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I can't imagine the pain you and your family went through.
posted by
RachelAnna
on July 22, 2004 at 10:40 AM
| link to this | reply
I just cannot imagine that. The horrible thing I discovered about *my* brother at 16 was that he was dying - that was bad enough. Not to get voyeuristic on you, but would it help to write more about it?
--T99
posted by
Tamara99
on July 22, 2004 at 10:35 AM
| link to this | reply
No words, just a virtual hug.
posted by
Hannah_B
on July 22, 2004 at 10:26 AM
| link to this | reply
That is so very sad. It is the truth we really don't know the people we live with. Take Care.
posted by
Melodystar
on July 22, 2004 at 10:18 AM
| link to this | reply