The Restaurant

My morning started off rough today after I caught a glimpse of my humpy back in the mirror at the tanning salon. My goodness - it's a hump. Time to climb the belltower Kathy! My Aunt Ann had a hump when I was a kid and I remember asking my Dad what it was and he replied "shut-up" followed with a... Sign in to see full entry.

If I am arrested for assault and battery in the next few months, it is because I am going to beat the shit out of my oldest sister. We shall call her DeeDee. DeeDee is a millionaire / married to the same asshole for 30 years who cheats and gave her herpes / wouldn't give you a dime if you were... Sign in to see full entry.

My mother was rushed to the hospital on Wednesday after she collapsed and couldn't breathe. She already has rheumatoid arthritis and an immune deficiency problem - and just for shits and giggles we have added enphysema and a heart murmur. Her quality of life has changed permanently and seeing her... Sign in to see full entry.

My daughters are driving me nuts. I gave my 18 year old a membership to one of those big warehouse shopping places (COSTCO) since I got a free one from work and she said that her and her boyfriend were going to check it out. I gave her money and said pick up some good seafood for me. No. Just a big... Sign in to see full entry.

Yes I do. Now open the dressing door now you chubby little cherub so I can see if it fits. My daughter and I went on a shopping spree at the mall and one store had the cutest swimsuits on sale. Now it was 2 degrees outside and I was wearing some coat made out of gortex (just kidding) but almost as... Sign in to see full entry.

Before the New Year, the Hair Cottage Beauticians were ordering takeout on a daily basis from the bar. Now that they are on diets and heard what I said about the owner - they are boycotting us. And Erin the crack head is out to get me I heard too. Kim the owner is a very petite 30ish woman with huge... Sign in to see full entry.

As I have stated before, I refuse to join the Dead Poll at the bar. But yesterday the three front-runners were at the bar all day and I felt like I was surrounded by death. First is Terry who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and has 2 weeks to live. There he was standing in the kitchen giving me... Sign in to see full entry.

I come from a family of theatrical drama queens and musicians - except for the poised ballet part. No we can't dance so don't ask us. Not very athletic either. But my youngest daughter Taylor is what I call a "dive-bomber" - she dives throughout the house / tramples down the steps / bangs into... Sign in to see full entry.

In the immortal words of Boris Badanoff in "Rocky and Bullwinkle" - "this is my latest bad idea". My gambling mooching sister lives in a fantasy world and every few weeks is moving to another state because "this place is shit". Now her and our friend Sue the Slut are moving to Florida and getting... Sign in to see full entry.

You would think that I was working in Vegas the way the guys at the bar bet on everything. They even have a poll to see which customer will die first. Topping the list now is Terry who was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer / second is Irish Bob with the bad liver / and third is Smitty who has... Sign in to see full entry.