Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, November 3, 2014

It used to be…

I liked daylight savings time. Oh sure, all the old folks griped about just getting used to the time change when suddenly, it would change back and they would have to start all over again. That never bothered me, I loved the longer daylight in the evening and never got up when it was still dark anyway. Of course in those days, to change one’s watch all one had to do was pull the winder out and put the little hand back one hour. Now, there’s no winder button, no hour hand and it will take at... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

For the last time…

I really don’t give a darn about where that guy gets his salsa, even if it is “Noooooo Yowrk City!” After all, people of all walks of life gather in the big apple and they’re not all bad apples. And to be honest, if I’m looking for culinary advice, the last place I would look is a cowboy on a cattle drive. Speaking of that, why isn’t it called a cattle herding? You can’t really drive cattle even though they have leather seats and some are even equipped with horns. Then there is the matter of... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

And now a word about health news.

Recently there has been a lot of fear in the United States about a disease making it’s way to our shores. And if we’re not careful it may go further than the shore. I’m not sure why everyone is so afraid. I mean, Elbow disease doesn’t sound so terrible to me. My skin there is already wrinkled, dried out and frankly not very attractive. How much worse can it get? I think if we all wear long sleeved shirts, problem solved! No exposed elbows, no exposure to Elbow disease! Thank you Center for... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, July 14, 2014

When building Rome...

When we start to take on long term projects, we are often encouraged by the homily, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Of course, we all know this to be true. But did you know Rome was built in DDMMDMCCCXVLLII days? Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Two wheel frenzy

Bicycles were a big part of my childhood. We used to ride them everywhere. We rode them down the driveway to get the mail, down the road to school and through the fields and forest for fun. Heck, I even herded cows with mine. There was a time when I was trying to learn to ride my new bike that I thought it must be impossible. I would coast a short distance then tip over. I became very adept at tangling various limbs through different structures in a seemingly endless series of crashes. Finally I... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Fear and loathing on Facebook

One of these days, Facebook is just going to crash! It will never start up again. It will be a victim of too many cute kid photos and suffer some sort of electronic diabetic seizure. Then what will we do? What will we do? How will we like anything? How will we rudely insult someone we know nothing about? Where will we publicly display our dirty personal laundry? We will be forced to actually buy someone a birthday/anniversary/whatever card, write on it by hand, lick a stamp (even if it is the... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

It’s not Dr. Seuss.

The bat and the cat. Last night as I was turning over for the I-don’t-know-how-many times, I became aware that something was going on. I heard the scuffle of little furry feet and they weren’t mine. The unmistakable sound of a cat chasing something penetrated my sleep fog and I soon found myself stumbling out into the living room. When I flipped on the light I was greeted by the cat doing it’s best NASCAR left turn in the living room. On the second lap, something whizzed by my head. Suddenly I... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Where can I get a job like that?

Theoretical physicists work at coming up with ideas that are, as their title suggests, theories. Who among us lay people can say if they are right or they are wrong? In that note, I would like to suggest a theory of my own, which it can be argued, might just be correct. The theory is this: An infinite number of monkeys at an infinite number of typewriters has already produced the complete works of Shakespeare, however they were so covered in monkey dung, they were unrecognizable! Probably a true... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

On - line reviews

In our eternal search for things we need, what at first seems a useful tool, the customer reviews, dissolve into something resembling a political contest. First reviewer: This was the greatest thing ever in the whole universe of great things! It was better than sex, romance or finding out the credit card charge didn’t come through when I bought it. I gave it to everyone I know for Christmas, so not only do I recommend it for my friends, I gave it to them, that’s right I put my money where my... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

What’s the deal?

Not so long ago, or maybe it was a long time ago, America was introduced to yogurt. Since then we have seen the upside-down Yoplait containers. What the heck? Are you challenging us to stick our tongues into those strangely tapered cups to get the last dollop? Now it seems Greek is all the rage. I would be less that honest if I didn’t say, “I don’t get it!” Also, can you freeze Greek yogurt? I mean, Greece isn’t exactly a place that is associated with freezing things. What is next,... Sign in to see full entry.

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