AB INFRA

Wish, on Sunday morning, I was Tone-deaf; wish my face was Ugly, body just invisible; Gifts ironically preventing Purer worship of their author… No matter what I think, Or do, it can be turned… October-November 2006 Washington, DC Age 25 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

A banquet would—or could—have been Her meal—but she preferred to win —or rather have the chance to find A plastic ring from popcorn mined… October 5, 2006 Washington, DC Age 25 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

No other topic so enthralling As myself, or so my mind Declares when I again am falling Swiftly to another kind Of smooth seduction—not my face, Nor yet some beauty of my soul, But fascination with the case Of loved dysfunction, which I dole In measured doses to my hand —delicious morsels to my fist— And devour as precious contraband: Me, Myself, the Narcissist. July 24, 2006 Austin, Texas Age 25 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

My words have lost their meaning, and It may well be no train of deeds Will ever be what facts demand For restoration to succeed... But herein lies what evidence Exists today of humbled heart: Surrender of my last pretense To claim that I am any part Of any good that flows from me... And so, relinquishing acclaim I find myself at long last free To turn away from my own name, Becoming what he once became... July 10, 2006 Houston, Texas Age 25 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

And now my heart can rest at ease— The homelessness that, for a time Enveloped me, has now been seized By confidence of refuge; rhyme And verse incompetent to form The faintest outline of my shocked Relief—again I know a warm And sheltered place where I may dock— And be not dashed against the rocks... April 30, 2006 Washington, D.C. Age 25 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

Deep inside me I am lonely— Why do I resist being filled with you? I confess, I lack loyalty; too selfish For a constancy toward others without Your help; too weak to seek your help Alone—but searching for companionship In the eyes, words, and deeds of Whoever is closest; whoever is near and Expresses love or need for me. Save me from myself—I am no good to Anyone as I am, and yet you love Me as I am; a wretch, a selfish Carnal, Weak, and Stupid girl. This is the source of my loneliness—me.... Sign in to see full entry.

Who am I and is this guilt warranted? Guilt before was proved often idiosyncratic— But I see now how to separate the three components: inclination mental surrender to inclination action Now I know I’m dirty through and through I know you made me clean, but is it from the inside, or like a blanket? What do you want from my heart? Purity? Should I pursue purity to the exclusion of relatability to the world? I could not interact at all if I took the necessary precautions to guard my heart, but this... Sign in to see full entry.

Is this pain in my head? I can’t have fallen; now I see I’ve always been here In this pit, so why the ache I feel from impact on this Hard and dusty ground? I must have flung myself Repeatedly against it—only That explains my battered, bruised And bloodied body: I my own tormentor. April 23, 2006 Washington, D.C. Age 25 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

I guess I am ephemeral to you, Incapable of being grasped— Like sand a hand so vainly clasped, Or smoke escaping through a flue That will not suffer closure... Were I another person, caring Less, or—freed from tangled history—bearing Less... But futile is prolonged exposure To winsome unrealities— In constancy alone is change, And yet, in retrospect, exchange Would be fatality... And so in wisdom always weaves The one who made our every part, Endowing us the very heart That loves, and on... Sign in to see full entry.

all sweetness chafes my heart grown sore through folly’s door... with calloused strafes my love I tore to pieces; safe in his arms always and ever —we thought forever... who knew what harms would come to sever our love...at my own hand? my words mean nothing... i am mute March 14, 2006 Washington, DC Age 25 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

So curious—an aphorism Few would deign to disavow Is used to further dredge a schism— Wisdom, now, a vicious plough... January 24, 2006 Washington, DC Age 24 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

Deliverance came quickly at my cry— Expressed despite reluctance to accept The peace I knew sobriety would buy— And, as I guessed, a part of me has wept, And still does weep, to former self’s chagrin, Though fresh-born eyes are far more circumspect: Without dismissing gravity of sin, They understand these idols I erect Regrettably—from time to time—are none That countless others have not also built When shade induced amnesia of the sun, Resulting in amassed, sub-conscious guilt... But how much... Sign in to see full entry.

If then I were as now I find Myself, regrettably, to be— Again interred, allowing blindness Stealthily to plead Its case— Debased in every thought, And chased from what I sought So earnestly before— Would this have seemed more real, Because the symptoms rang so true— Much more than they did then? Or would weakness make surreal, Or make appear untrue The truth—and me, a comedienne? January 13, 2006 Washington DC Age 24 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

Always do I turn and flee— In cowardice, or weariness, or fearing Lest emotional debris endow My words with sorrows blearing What I truly want to say… I fail at rhyme and rhythm, Though with other thoughts succeed— And refract a crooked prism’s Spectrum, easily misleading… Pain I pour with ease and skill, But love—and hope—and strength—I kill: By running from their mastery I dissipate them into dust… And yet again delay your trust… August 15, 2005 Houston, Texas Age 24 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

Melancholy comes with ease To flow from heart to hand to pen, And thus it spreads, as a disease— Emerging time and time again: I seek a rhyme, and answer those That pull my strings of inner pain, And so recurrently compose A tenebrous, sedate refrain— Encounters, then, with joy and hope Lag unrecorded; and I fear Despite my feelings’ wider scope, My legacy will be a tear. July 28, 2005 Houston, Texas Age 24 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

Revealed to me this puzzle piece, My calm reaction aids my cause; Though knowing it brings little peace— Indeed diminishes applause In fond anticipation of A happy ending to this play… Can tragic heroes conquer love— Or are they doomed to be its prey? July 28, 2005 Houston, Texas Age 24 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

I stumble—and in vain resist My thoughts, en masse, of then and now Ajumble; the refrain persists: This, too, shall pass—but when, and how? July 20, 2005 Houston, Texas Age 24 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

An alien, you said I’d be— A stranger in a foreign land; But lately you seem far from me, Though you still hold me in your hand… And, as a castaway at sea, Who lost the ship that he had manned, I’ve reached the shore; but, rested, see A vast expanse of endless sand. July 3, 2005 Houston, Texas Age 24 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

The reservoir near full, the pull Again to write my art departs; And I, once more, grow dull—the lull Of fog surrounds my heart; yet part Still vigilant endures: the lures Of worthwhile thoughts expressed, at best, Will conquer lull’s illure, and newer Words will lead me west—to rest. May 23, 2005 Istanbul, Turkey Age 24 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.

Stripped away, and polished smooth, Part recovered, much removed— Will progress of this work of art Yet further break my broken heart? April 4, 2005 Houston, Texas Age 24 -------------------------------------------------------- Clashing, crashing, thrashing wild The stirrings of this demon-child: Squashed, defeated, near suppressed… Then exploding through my calm distress! April 4, 2005 Houston, Texas Age 24 © Talya Sara Emery Sign in to see full entry.