Ask Miss Chatty

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Thursday, September 16, 2004

Miss Chatty is Under the Weather

Poor Miss Chatty is feeling poorly today - but will rturn if he can drag his sorry ass out of bed - and when she does, she'd really like to read some "Get Well" comments. It would surely brighten her old heart. Sad Sadie in Lenexa, KS Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Man who Chokes on Boney Fish Deserves the Lazy Susan Award for Fibbing

Dear Miss Chatty: I am a 38 year old man who just left the hospital having choked on a fish bone in a Chinese Restaurant. I also suffered a terrible burn from a tea pot that scutted off its lazy susan just as I was choking. Scalded and gasping for air, I flung myself about the restaurant, General... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Practice Makes Perfect, but Not when Crime Doesn't Pay

Dear Miss Chaty: I read in the Jade Owl about the brilliant plan you devised for escaping during a foot chase through San Francisco's Golden Gate Park. It was sheer genuis. Now, I drive a getaway car for a family of domestic felons, who never resort to violence, but depend on my skills to be fast... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

UPS Syndrome can keep you in the Poor House

Dear Miss Chatty: I have a terrible problem. I'm addicted to Amazon.com. I'll browse the book, CD and DVD offers several times a day; and buy, buy, buy. I'll spend a $1,000 per month on stuff I never get to read, listen or watch anything. I just rush home waiting for the UPS packages to arrive. It's... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

For the Thrill of Tongue Metal, Go to Winnemucca

Dear Miss Chatty: I bought my boyfriend a present, which somehow he did not appreciate. I had my tongue pierced to increase his pleasure as I traverse all those little your know what's during our love fests. My mistake was telling him over the phone that I had the best present he could imagine.... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 9, 2004

Velveeta at Christmas takes some Earning

Dear Miss Chatty: I am one of 12 children in an adult family, which has now sporned dozens of nieces and nephews, beyond counting. Christmas is a terrible time for me, as I am single, while my eleven siblings are married and do not believe in controlled parenthood. While I spend thousands on... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, September 8, 2004

Teddy Bears after 50 can be Harmful to Your Love Life

Dear Miss Chatty: I am a 52 year old gay guy who has fallen in love for the hundredth time-but this time, I thought it was for keeps. He's younger and butcher (not the butcher as in "meat", although... ). Recently, Harold (not his real name) came over to the house to watch TV. He saw my two teddy... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 7, 2004

"Splainin' the Stainin' can be fun for all Ages

Dear Miss Chatty: I know there are books to get such information, but how do you get stains... how should I say it... love stains out of the sofa cushions. I got a little passionate last night with the video I was watching. I tried water and soap and detergent. That managed to lighten the spot,... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 6, 2004

A Night at the Opera can lead to Serial Killings

Dear Miss Chatty: My girlfriend says I don't have enough culture. I like hip-hop and rap. I get nervous in museums, and I hate classical music. She's beautiful and I am willing to change. So, I got tickets to the Opera. I got all guped up, bought her flowers and even hired a limo to show I had... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 5, 2004

Purple Kajima Tea is the Ants' Pajamas

Dear Miss Chatty: I was reading Edward C. Patterson's The Jade Owl and loved your appearance there helping out in that escape romp at the Tea House. I won't say more, for it would give away too much for your readers. I was wondering, when you have or serve tea, do you use loose leaf or in the bag.... Sign in to see full entry.

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