JUNK WHERE I FIND IT-SOMEBODY'S OPINION

Thursday, March 29, 2007

EMERGENCY RECALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RECALL NOTICE!! The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed. Some other... Sign in to see full entry.

NEVER TOO LATE TO LEARN SOMETHING

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy. Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

WOMEN AND THEN THERE AE WOMEN, AND WOMEN'S ISSUES

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women PREGNANCY Q & A & more! Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

SOUTHERN GOOD OLS BOY'S RULES

The 'Rules'are as follows!!! 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick... Sign in to see full entry.

New words--which ones will you add to your working vocabulary?

1. Cashtration (n.): the act of buying or building a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 2. Ignoranus (n.): a person who's both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxication (n.): euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation (n.): coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone (n.): the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, March 23, 2007

HEY YOU MESSIN' WITH MY WOMAN? ARE IS THAT YOUR WOMAN?

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

WERE YOU ON HOLLYWOOD SQUARES? I WASN'T.

Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q. According to... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, March 19, 2007

BLOGGERS HAVE KIDS TOO

Children In Church A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear." ~~~~~~~~~~~~... Sign in to see full entry.

OKAY CAN WE EAT BETTER? SLIM DOWN, EAT UP~~

CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET? For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, March 16, 2007

KIDS ARE QUICK

Kids are Q uick TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell " crocodile?" GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

MILITARY HUMOR

Subject: military humor Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, " Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons." After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, " Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both Judges." After some thought, the... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

YES THE SOUTH IS STANDING STRONG AND SOLID..HERE ARE THE RULES

The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!! 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 4 They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 and I - 10 go east and west, I-75 and I -... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE ARE YOU?

If we could reduce the world’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, the demographics would look something like this: 60 Asians 12 Europeans 5 US Americans and Canadians 8 Latin Americans 14 Africans 49 would be female 51 would be male 82 would be non-white 18 white 89 heterosexual 11 homosexual 33 would be Christian 67 would be non-Christian 5 would control 32% of the entire world’s wealth, and all of them would be US citizens 80... Sign in to see full entry.

BABY BOOMERS THEN AND NOW

They include: 1. Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker 2. The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip 3. Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash 4. Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends 5. Robert a Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face 6. Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now 7. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver 8 The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom 9. Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts... Sign in to see full entry.

IT IS ONLY SOME MORE JUNK!

In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb". Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury. Men can read smaller print... Sign in to see full entry.

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