A Lifetime of Holy Relationship

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Journal Entry 7

Now, we are together again and it feels soooo fuckin good!!!! We are each looking at our own stuff and there is a hopefulness that we may be able to change and grow a bit; each of us. I so believe that we can get to a place where issues come up hardly at all and when they do, they are handled so quickly and effectively as to be the minor bumps that they are. Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Journal Entry 6

I will continue my practices of forgiveness and healing. It is all I have right now... my only hopefulness. Ah, Em I love you so deeply! Ya Ghafur = The forgiveness that results from greater insight Ya Ghafar = The forgiveness that results from mastering my ego Ya Afuw = The forgiveness that has always existed in the Nature of the Universe Ya Jabbar = The healing that gets right down to the bone Estaforalla = the heart cry for forgiveness and help with effacing my ego The dance: With partners:... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Journal Entry 5

As far as I can tell this is our only big issue and it IS big, because it is big for Em. Maybe it is out of my hands cause it is her issue and she needs to find a way – if she wants to. She has said on several occasions that she doesn't or can't so I need to continue to surrender to the possibility that we cannot go on as a couple. Oh God, I hope this is not the case. But, if it is the Universe knows better than me. I just wish she could 'see it my way' cause I believe that I know some things... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Journal Entry 4

I don't think it is possible for me not to surprise Em sometimes...I am imperfect and my stuff comes up. Perhaps, the best I can hope for is she might agree to stretch a little to give me time to reign in my wounded-ness and my ego. But, how... given the extreme pain, almost panic she creates. I have tried giving her space... but my experience is that the walls grow thicker at least for a time. What to do.... how to break the cycle in a healing way? That IS the question and I need and want an... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Journal Entry 3

08/18/11 - Saw Em today and we hugged and kissed and we both (I am hoping here) knew that there is something deeper here than the drama that separates us. I so need to figure out how to breathe through feeling attacked. I need to see that I am creating the feeling and choose to 'see things differently'. Perhaps focusing on the voice tone and noting that it feels like an attack. It may even be an attack, but I so believe the Course in Miracles notion that as soon as I feel like defending myself,... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Journal Entry 2

Emma may be thinking 'That I am the direct cause of her pain … ñ I am reminded of the Course in Miracles book the channeled statement: “I am never upset for the reasons I think I am” This strikes me as true in my own experience. I create all my feelings, usually in response to the thoughts which I also create. And my thoughts usually occur as a result of my perceptions of 'how the world is' and 'how I am' and how I believe others are toward me,IE, what I believe to be real. That is often the... Sign in to see full entry. Emma may be thinking 'That I am the direct cause of her pain … ñ I am reminded of the Course in Miracles book the channeled statement: “I am never upset for the reasons I think I am” This strikes me as true in my own experience. I create all my feelings, usually in response to the thoughts which I also create. And my thoughts usually occur as a result of my perceptions of 'how the world is' and 'how I am' and how I believe others are toward me,IE, what I believe to be real. That is often the... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

My Relationship Journal - Trouble in Paridise

My Retreat Journal I just got Emma's cryptic email which stated in its entirety: “Sorry Jim Norton, but Emma is so done with this... “ SHOCK!!!! Acceptance … reconsidering, I think she is wrong.......Doing wine thirty with Ahmad and Khabir. Emma is thinking: 'How could he doubt my love after the few days we spent before in loving bliss. Wednesday – August 17 Th 2011 Emma may be thinking ' I cannot be with a man who does not believe me.” This may be a case where my own inner hurting child did me... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sharing a few of my own negative core-beliefs.

Accepting for the moment, this definition of a negative core belief: Negative core beliefs are those strongly held beliefs about ourselves that influence what we think and how we feel. For example, if you suffer from social anxiety disorder (SAD), you may believe that you must be liked by everyone in order to be a good person. These are some of the negative core beliefs I have been able to identify within myself: I am often an outsider in groups I belong to I am an oddball in groups that I... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Negative Core Beliefs

In his book, Conscious Loving, Henry Grayson suggests a sample list of possible negative core beliefs that we may be able to cop to. Here is a partial list: I am not lovable Love will smother me Love is dangerous I do not deserve to be happy Marriage is a trap or bondage Life has to be a struggle Relationships must be a struggle Surrender means I will be controlled I will always be an outsider People will not like me as I am Do any of these fit for you? (I can own a few). (to be continued) Sign in to see full entry.

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