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Re: Ciel
It goes totally against my grain to think that problems cannot be solved, that courses cannot be corrected, and imbalances healed, and I am not convinced at all that real solutions to behavioral problems like narcissism have to follow the dictates of reason.
Reason might conceivably even be over-rated. It has its applications, but it is not the only way to find solutions to problems. Reason, as I understand the word, refers to logical, linear consideration, a left-brain process, a consciously analytical, process, the scientific approach to understanding and problem-solving. But half the brain acquires information and processes it in a wholistic, unconscious, non-scientific manner that also yields valid and useful results.
I hold that it is entirely reasonable to use all our resources--analytical, logical and intuitive, to find answers to many problems--though scientific methods are the best for proving things.
Anyway, I am still thinking about the particular problem of reducing the prevalence of narcissism in our society. Another post may come of it...
posted by
Ciel
on September 25, 2009 at 10:59 PM
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Re: ciel, by the demands of someone's attention or no attention
Sometimes, being too interested in what others think, we forget what we ourselves think.
posted by
Ciel
on September 25, 2009 at 10:37 PM
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Ciel
As is so often the case with your posts, this one is so thoughtful and thought-provoking that it would require much more than a mere comment; it would need at least a 'series', or maybe a book to do it justice...
I am also touched by the way you reveal yourself - as I always am, especially since that is something I never do...
But I do have an answer to the question you pose: "How is this sickness of unbalance to be healed?"
My answer is that I don't know. More importantly, I hold it that nobody knows, and that an answer that satisfies the dictates of reason is not even possible...
posted by
Nautikos
on September 24, 2009 at 7:22 AM
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ciel, by the demands of someone's attention or no attention
I am impressed with your write and the thought. I think in that case there is also the danger of one's not being able to see as one really is. What others think of me becomes more important that what I think of myself. And why think, and know not oneself? That's what I like to reflect and meditate upon.
posted by
anib
on September 22, 2009 at 11:34 PM
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Thanks, Shobana--
I appreciate your comments--and I like your poetry as well!
posted by
Ciel
on September 22, 2009 at 11:18 PM
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Re: I was mesmerized
KaBoom, some of the most talented and creative people in human history have been profoundly narcissistic, and that they were so talented gave/gives them a sense of justification for it.
I think narcissism won't snuff talent, but it affects how others look at one's talent. Worrying about being validated by others for one's talent, competing with others talents, for fear of being pushed entirely off the altar--those things maybe have a snuffing effect on it.
posted by
Ciel
on September 22, 2009 at 11:13 PM
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Ciel - what a lovely write. compassion and understanding takes one a long way. At the age of 3 you would'nt expect to not let anyone else enter your life..and you have explicity spoken of issues related to me as well.
posted by
shobana
on September 22, 2009 at 11:12 PM
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Jan, I finally realized that Grandma was partially right.. I am--
and so is everyone! And to most of the world, it doesn't matter--which is to say, being special doesn't necessarily entitle one to special privileges.
posted by
Ciel
on September 22, 2009 at 11:08 PM
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Isis, thanks for sharing your story.
The saddest thing is that as difficult as the emotional challenges we faced as kids--a lot of kids go through so much worse... and the best thing, is that they aren't our kids.
posted by
Ciel
on September 22, 2009 at 10:54 PM
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I was mesmerized
by your moving post. I wonder... is talent, talent? So that no matter what we experienced, were told or saw, will talent be recongnized as talent? Can my narcissim snuff out my talent? If so, then I can't afford to be narcissistic, but I wonder where the lines are... we draw them ourselves? Not being able to except another's talent... a reflection of what little confidence we have in our own. There is so much to struggle with and think about here.
posted by
KaBooM62
on September 22, 2009 at 8:37 PM
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I cannot imagine the horrific trauma of your mother dying in front of you when you were three, and too small to understand or express such deep pain. But hoiw good that your Grandma made you special - as of course, you are. No, really!
posted by
Rockingrector_retd
on September 22, 2009 at 11:07 AM
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Ciel,
I've visited this post a couple of times and still can't think of anything meaningful to say that would add to what you've already eloquently stated. I can relate on so many areas. As an only child being raised by a single mother in college, it was generally assumed by my entire extended family that I was "spoiled". Our occasional lack of food or other basic living necessities did nothing to change their opinion of me. So, the idea that I was spoiled and therefore selfish/self-centered was beat into my subconscious at every visit - visits that often were for the entire summer.
Naturally my reaction to all this was to be confused. And to cry. A lot. The fact that I would cry would then have them screaming that not only was I spoiled and selfish, but also a crybaby.
Now I pride myself on being constantly aware of the needs of others, and I strive to see to my own needs quietly, without demand. But it's a struggle. There's always the fear that my need will be ridiculed if I take it to someone else. It's usually better to let the need go unfulfilled than to face the rejection of its validity.
I remind my children daily how very special they are to me, and they don't have to go looking for acclaim elsewhere to confirm that specialness. But they do need a few more rehearsals before they'll appreciate applause.
posted by
myrrhage_
on September 22, 2009 at 10:09 AM
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TAPS, if I had had a friend like you in childhood
I'd be a happier, healthier, less-tangled person today!
posted by
Ciel
on September 22, 2009 at 9:56 AM
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What a wonderfully interesting post, Ciel. I must get me a cup of coffee and read it all again. I wish we had been childhood friends and learned from each other as we grew together.
posted by
TAPS.
on September 22, 2009 at 7:26 AM
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Sam, thanks!
It took me a lot of years to begin to sort it out. Such confusions grow like trees, branching out in many directions, more confusions all based on the first seed.
posted by
Ciel
on September 21, 2009 at 7:55 AM
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Oh my goodness, I was so stunned at the confusion you had after your mother had passed away in front of you! I understood how you couldn't understand but knowing how kids react it had to be an awful burden until you reached some understanding! I am personally comfortable with who I am and my role in society for I take great pleasure in building up others with deserving responses no matter where I am! This was a fine post! sam
posted by
sam444
on September 21, 2009 at 3:53 AM
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