Sunday, September 10, 2006
Dreams for sale......
What do you do in the middle of the night, when you awake from pleasant dreaming, and you are lonely. I have my husband in bed, who is right beside me. Hmmmm. I was dreaming about "the" dreamhouse again. I have a recurring dream about it. It is so big, I have trouble remembering how many bathrooms there are. I need to carry houseplans with me because there are so many rooms, I forget about them until I open the door, and wonder upon wonder, it's yet another spacious room. My dreamhouse is going...
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Friday, September 8, 2006
Part II of my Phog
I started a public blog. I think he might have found it. 3 visits no comments. It gives me a chance for closure. When I googled his name, this dumb question I had posed and then couldn't delete, came up! I had no idea!! When I click on the URL, it takes you to my dumb question and up in the corner, is MY picture; click on it, and you go to the new blog...... so he could have found it! I cancelled the Yahoo account but it takes 90 days, so I blew my cover unbenownst to me. That's what I get for...
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Thursday, September 7, 2006
The Phog* is Gone
When the sunlight drives the shadows away and every facet of your world is bathed in cleansing light, how clear my choices have been. I have removed any reminders of Michael from my environment. NO more wasting away of my spirit remembering old anniversaries and of plans that are no more. I must admire Mike for sticking to the strength of his convictions THIS time. He has truly recommitted himself to his marriage whereas I had not. He has done me a huge favor by sticking to his guns. My life is...
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Wednesday, September 6, 2006
On Being in Good Company or Fools Unite!
Taps reminded me that I was not alone in "feeling the fool" in love lost. I decided to blog my reply to her. Thanks for the reminder that I'm not alone in this! And I left another message on Mike's cell phone. He's probably not going to listen to that one either. He left me for the last time (in December '05) the day before I found out if I had cancer again. To me it's as if he cares not if I live or die! What a strange reaction from a man who got down on bended knee on the highest elevated...
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Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Feeling the Fool
I don't know what I expected would happen on this day that is almost done. One year ago on September 5, my ex-lover asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. I answered that I would. I hadn't pressured him; in fact, I had repeatedly said I did not want to keep him from raising his kids (They are teenagers). I broke the news to my husband. The "ex" waited a month to tell his wife. Today, for the first time in over 6 months, I tried calling him during the time I knew he was driving to work....
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Saturday, September 2, 2006
Do You Go To The Reunion Fat?
I got an email from an old high school chum asking me, again, to please go with her to our upcoming class reunion in two weeks. The twenty pounds I regained and was going to lose by then are still there, but my daughter convinced me that people will look at my face first and not go any further. I had two men flirt with me today so maybe she’s onto something. I DO believe in living each day to its fullest. So Carpe Diem, Class of '71, here I come. To give you an insight into my husband's whacky...
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Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Live Life Forward
I ran across a saying that really has jazzed me up! "Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward. -- Soren Kierkegaard -- I started to write someone a comment the other night and it turned out to be this blog. I took out the name and turned it into an introspective about relationships between men and women. Dear **********: I'd say that's a pretty good moniker for you because I'd say that sums up where you are right now. You asked for a woman's perspective? I'd say you...
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Friday, August 25, 2006
He found her unzipped, unbuttoned, with her boss.....
That's how my friend found his wife. What would YOU think? They were working in the back room. The boss had driven 40 minutes after working a 12-hour day just to help her inventory the back room. Hubby's feeling ignored. She spent 6 hours of her day off "working" in the back room. I've been hearing "wifey is at work - inventorying- back room" for months. The day hubby goes to help her out so they could spend some time together, he finds her thus. He pointed it out. Now if it was just a barndoor,...
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Wednesday, August 23, 2006
“LET ME LOVE YOU”
I DID have tears as I moved and organized and of course read hard copies of old e-mails between Mike and me, especially in the months of breaking it off. One of his statements really got through to me this morning, and that was that his wife wants no reminders that he ever fell in love with me. Those files are at the way-back of one of my file cabinets until I can bear to write about this story, this chapter of my life. I have known perfect love in this life-time now, and how many people even...
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Monday, August 21, 2006
Oh, Mike. . .
More and more time passes since I last spoke to or heard a peep out of Mike. He's fading and the hurt isn't quite as bad as it used to be, but I get blue out of the blue. I told Jay last night that a year ago, when Mike and I spent the day together in Lawrence, we'd driven by the studio and it blew Mike out of the water. I wish wish wish we'd stopped and taken the tour and I could have introduced the two guys to each other. It had been 29+ years since they had crossed paths, too. Tonight, I was...
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