The crazy lady strikes again

As soon as I got done writing my last journal entry, I googled the name of the doctor I talked about yesterday. One of the results that came up was a post I'd written, looking for this doctor, six whole years after I'd had the surgery I mentioned yesterday. That is the sort of behavior that makes me cringe, but then, that's not necessarily a bad thing. We all do things we'd rather not admit to doing. As I said yesterday, I was sicker than a dog when I dealt with that doctor, but I didn't know... Sign in to see full entry.

Today, I realized something - the 11th anniversary of one of my operations falls on the exact day of the week as did the original surgery. Why on Earth would this be important to me? Well, I was going through a rough time at the time. I developed a serious interest in one of the doctors that would end up doing this operation; I was also exhibiting symptoms of my manic-depression. Had I been medicated at the time I had this operation, believe me, things would have turned out differently. I would... Sign in to see full entry.

This morning, I've been thinking a great deal about my rehabilitation. I had originally wanted to end up in a group home after my release, but was talked out of it by the attending psychiatrist. I'm sorry now that I ended up letting him do that, because I have fallen into so many of the same bad habits that got me depressed in the first place. I wish now that I'd had the courage to stand up to the attending and tell him exactly why I needed the structure of the group home. It has nothing to do... Sign in to see full entry.

I've been watching one of my favorite movies today - The Shawshank Redemption, a film adaptation of Stephen King's novella Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption. This movie has become something of a cult classic in the ten years since its theatrical debut. Quite frankly, there's a good reason for that. This movie has hope as one of its basic premises - hoping against hope that life can become fair eventually, hope that one can develop deep friendships among one's peers, and hope for many... Sign in to see full entry.

As Garfield mentioned in The Secret Life of Cats, I fried a keyboard the other day - or, rather, I drowned a keyboard. You may rest assured that it was accidental (as if that really made a difference), but I was out of commission as far as updating my blogs until I could get a new keyboard. I think Garfield was more frustrated than I was about this situation, as she really seems to enjoy dictating her blog entries to me, her amanuensis. Other than that, I haven't really done much the past few... Sign in to see full entry.

Three days ago, I mentioned my chronic cough. This, quite frankly, is a more serious problem than my depression right now, as my depression is well-regulated by my new medication. I worry about two things: the money I need for my deductible, and the fact that I am unable to use mass transit due to my chronic cough. The last time I took a bus to get to the doctor, I became severely short of breath. I mean, it would have been funny to watch me if it weren't such a deadly serious problem. I am... Sign in to see full entry.

Today has been one of those dull days with nothing much happening. The best news I'd gotten was that my insurance company paid a portion of my hospital bill (from my hospitalization in August for depression). I'd talked with someone at the hospital's billing department just yesterday, and they are going to wait for another 30 days or so to see if my insurance company kicks in more money toward the hospital bill. Otherwise, I'd be stuck with a hospital bill of over eight thousand dollars. I'm... Sign in to see full entry.

It seems hard to believe, but it's been two years since my father-in-law died. I remember the day, too - I had to pick up the proceeds of the sale of my house, which proceeds were at my lawyer's office. I remember feeling very depressed without knowing why; after all, I'd wanted to get rid of that danged house for a long time. The call from my husband's aunt provided me with an explanation for my depression. The one thing that stood out for me was that before he passed away, my father-in-law was... Sign in to see full entry.

I've decided to defer my entrance into a day treatment program until I can get my lung problem either solved or accurately diagnosed (depending on the prognosis the doctors give me). I would have to take mass transit to get to most day treatment programs, and I'm just not sure I'm up to walking as far as I'd need to walk. Sign in to see full entry.

So far, so good. Right now, I'm enjoying the fact that I don't have to look perfect every day. I am able to do what I want, when I want, without having to worry about others' expectations of me. I missed that when I spent a week in the psychiatric ward. I missed the ability to declare a "ditch day" for myself, where I do nothing but sit around and watch TV. On the other hand, here at home, I have computer access, which means that if I want to get online and update my blogs, I can do that without... Sign in to see full entry.