An English Lady's Village Diary

Friday, September 24, 2004

Don't Mention The War!

The village has been heaving with Germans for the past 48 hours; so much so that I'm beginning to feel as if I'm living in Crapping-Am-Rhein. Not that Blenkinsop’s Bakery are complaining; they were cleaned out of every sort of cake they make by Monday lunchtime, and our guests had only arrived on Sunday evening. Ivy Barking-Madde, who works at the Post Office counter, tells me she spotted Reggie Blenkinsop wandering around the Mercedes showroom in Wooftersham High Street on Tuesday morning.... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Antics of Middle-Aged Men in Knee-Breeches at the Crapping Folk Festival

The Crapping Morris Men were disgracing the village with a predictably lurching performance in the car park of The Old Speckled Cock this lunchtime, casting their habitual pall of drink-sodden ribaldry over the otherwise civilised proceedings of the Annual Crapping Folk Music and Dance Festival. I ask you: grown men cavorting in lime-green knee-breeches, white stockings, and straw hats adorned with flowers, and jingling bells attached below their knees; not exactly a spectacle to raise the tone... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

The Scandal of the Diana Memorial Fountain

The Parish Council really are going to have to put some more effective measures in hand to put an end to the scandal that is building up around the neglect and abuse of the Alderman Diana Tinkerbell Memorial Fountain and Children's Paddling Pool on the Village Green. I mean to say: this magnificent erection was intended to be a fitting monument to the Great Lady's forty-odd years spent stalwartly servicing the local community. Instead it appears to be turning into a tribute to all that is... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Lady Stuffingham Shows Off Her Enormous Pumpkins

There was a Dickens of a stir in the village today owing to the controversy at the Ladies' Horticultural Union (LHU). I picked up a bit of what all the fuss was about when I had a chat with Ivy Barking-Madde, who works at the Post Office counter. She told me she had it on the best authority from a friend of the sister of Madge Cuckoospit, who serves the teas at the LHU's weekly cross-fertilisation get-togethers, that the root of the trouble was Lady Stuffingham's enormous pumpkins. "She's got... Sign in to see full entry.

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