Bad Jokes And Sage Advice From The E-Mail Archives

Monday, March 17, 2008

Ireland's Best Joke Of 2007

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now.... Sign in to see full entry.

KILLER BISCUITS

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP Headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, March 14, 2008

A Wee Bit Of Catholic Humor

Wee Bit of Catholic Humor An married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing... Sign in to see full entry.

Oil Change Directions

Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to E-Z Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00 Coffee: $1.00 Total: $21.00 ==========... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The Stuttering Cat

A teacher is explaining biology to her 1st grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says. A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could be, asked the little girl to... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?' The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, March 10, 2008

National DO NOT CALL

REMINDER: 12 days from today, all cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls.........YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone: 1-888-382-1222. It is the National DO NOT CALL... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

The Prescription

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Hmmm

Chelsea comes home from a date with a guy she's been seeing for quite a while. Hillary asks how it went. "Great Mom, we've grown quite close in the time we've been together and I think I'm in love". "Oh my God" says Hillary, "Have you had sex yet?" "Not according to Dad" answerd Chelsea:) Sign in to see full entry.

It's The Viagra

A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?' He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my appetite.' At lunchtime she asked him if he would like... Sign in to see full entry.

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