Bad Jokes And Sage Advice From The E-Mail Archives

By Dark_Heart - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Simple Home Remedies

> Amazingly Simple Home Remedies > > 1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water > down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. > > 2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone > else to hold while you chop. > > 3. Avoid... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Harley Davidson and Women

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven." Davidson thinks about it... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

A Baby Story

Three men are sitting in the maternity ward of a hospital waiting for the imminent birth of their respective children. One's an Englishman, one a Scotsman and the other a Jamaican. They are all very nervous and pacing the floor. All of a sudden the doctor bursts through the double doors saying:... Sign in to see full entry.

Will I Live To See 80?

Will I Live to see 80? Here's something to think about. I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?' He... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo Toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's... Sign in to see full entry.

Score One For The Guys

A guy is at a bar when a beautiful woman walks in and sits down at a table. The guy has the waiter to deliver the woman a bottle of merlot. The waiter gives the woman the bottle and tells her it is compliments of the guy at that other table. The woman takes a pen and writes something on a napkin and... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 8, 2008

HOW did we survive

< giggle… HOW did we survive?> LOL If you are 30 or older, you will think this is hilarious!!!! If not, send it to your parents! They'll think it's funny! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Never Argue with a Woman

Never Argue with a Woman One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, 'Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!' 2. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly. 3. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 4. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. 5. Shave. 6.... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Vengeance Is Mine

> *Subject:* Vengeance is mine > > There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk > dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the > doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the > Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked... Sign in to see full entry.

Headlines (What is this?)