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They probably are in denial and don't know what to do.
It is hard for some children to admit that their once strong intelligent family member can no longer understand things or take care of themselves. Better to avoid the situation all together. Keep all the cuddles for yourelf.
posted by
skye08
on July 29, 2018 at 10:20 PM
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Maybe they aren't really sure how to help out. Maybe they don't get that you might need occasional help, that one or even both of them might be needed if you aren't able to be there for some reason. Being the designated Helper can be daunting, so maybe it would be useful to ask each of them to come for a few days and help out, to see how things work.
posted by
Ciel
on July 27, 2018 at 5:12 PM
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On that issue I think they are wrong...it's a little "payback time"......
posted by
Corbin_Dallas
on July 26, 2018 at 2:20 PM
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Very natural feelings you are having.
You look so tiny standing next to him--a tiny lady with a big responsibility.
posted by
TAPS.
on July 26, 2018 at 12:26 PM
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Kabu - this breaks my heart into shattered pieces...
Oh dear, sweet Kabu, perhaps they are in denial. One who has not seen it, doesn't comprehend the situation quickly. Also, they may be complimenting you, being truly grateful that you ARE there, since apparently they can't/won't be there at this point. I hope it's just that they don't realize how very difficult it is for you, and for their father. You know a bit of respite is necessary though. Try again with them, perhaps, at another time, so they can grasp how "things" are with thier dad. It may help. I hope so. Love and prayers and hugs. 
posted by
Sea_Gypsy
on July 26, 2018 at 12:23 PM
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I do know the feeling Helen. One does need a little respite. Sadly I think that most humans cannot stand the pressure of this kind of illness. They want things to be as they were, not as they are. It is really a case of weakness in the human psyche .
Sadly if one is not careful a feeling of anger festers, I have felt it and realized eventually that the onus usually remains with the one who can or will accept the painful conclusion.
Netherless as Pat says do accept all the help that is available. It is really bad luck and I do hope that you can find a wee bit of comfort from our comments.
posted by
C_C_T
on July 26, 2018 at 11:35 AM
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It is not unreasonable to want his children to contribute. Sadly, a lot of kids do not grasp the reality, and they assume that if one can stay home, that perrson is fine.
I remember when our employee, Harry James was declining from Parkinson's and Dementia. When I told people how bad he was doing, they would shrug it off. Then they would see him and go, "Whoa." They did not realize the severity of his situation.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on July 26, 2018 at 10:55 AM
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I've said it before and I'll say it again. Kabu, for the sake of your own
health, please arrange for some respite care - even if it's not Wiley's children - find a way to get some relief. Otherwise this 24-7 responsibility is going to weigh you down. It's too bad the kids cannot see for themselves how their dad is doing, because they no doubt think of him as he was the last time they were there. Unless we've been around someone as their health declines it just doesn't register as possible. Take care.
posted by
Pat_B
on July 26, 2018 at 10:11 AM
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posted by
BC-A
on July 26, 2018 at 10:03 AM
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