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Re: Mneme
Hi Wiley - never was one to give up on anyone easily..! it's very often the 'good' that keeps one in a situation, and you have to have patience when the not-so-good that makes it uncomfortable. At the moment, we're good, probably because he's making an effort to be more attentive and I'm more relaxed accordingly.
posted by
mneme
on January 14, 2016 at 9:42 AM
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Mneme
There used to be an old cowboy song called "Movin On", sounds about like reading of your miserable situation love.
posted by
WileyJohn
on January 10, 2016 at 12:26 PM
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Re:
Wouldn't that be nice CCT ... unfortunately she is very resistant to change. Mothers... sigh.
posted by
mneme
on January 10, 2016 at 8:02 AM
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Re: Re:
posted by
Kabu
on January 7, 2016 at 1:34 PM
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Would Mum come and live near to you,it is just too far to visit regularly.
posted by
C_C_T
on January 6, 2016 at 8:02 AM
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Re:
Thank you Kabu, it's appreciated. I will continue with the choir and with my own church (he doesn't go but comes to the major services around Christmas). I am feeling a bit stronger today but still becoming tearful too often, which I try to keep to myself. My mother is doing ok, thankyou.
posted by
mneme
on January 6, 2016 at 4:47 AM
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Re: mneme
Hello Naut - it does look that way. I coped better when we were doing things more on our own. I guess he doesn't want to hear that.
posted by
mneme
on January 6, 2016 at 4:44 AM
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Re:
Thank you Taps, I will give it some thought.
posted by
mneme
on January 6, 2016 at 4:42 AM
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Re:
Hi Annicita - thanks for the hug! I'm not talking about leaving, all I really want is a bit more time in my home where it's quiet and where I can organise my own life and just be myself. His place is not 'home' for me because this young man is always there and the house is, plainly, theirs. (for the record, his ex-wife found it too much as well and that ended the marriage... so it isn't surprising that I haven't sold my home).
posted by
mneme
on January 6, 2016 at 4:42 AM
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Re:
Hello Justi, thank you for reading. I hope I am not simply grumbling; I hope I'm just trying to work it all out, in a safe space. I do appreciate people taking the time to comment, and yes we do need some help. My worry is my own physical and mental health at the moment, plus I'm not feeling particularly secure in the relationship with all this in the background. Surely some compromise could be reached, but discussion can't be done in front of an audience (i.e the son).
posted by
mneme
on January 6, 2016 at 4:26 AM
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Big hug...clearly you have no intention of leaving even though it might be in your best interest...none of us are there to help and clearly the father is codependent and not helping his son to learn to fend for himself....wishing the best
posted by
Annicita
on January 5, 2016 at 9:18 PM
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It appears to me that both you healthy(I say that cautiously) adults are living a strange lifestyle and need help yourselves. Two houses? You have no input with the child (man) and you just grumble. You may want to talk with a councilor and decide for yourself what lifestyle you really want and live it. This is not a life style for either of you.
posted by
Justi
on January 5, 2016 at 3:10 PM
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Did you know that there are Mental Health First Aid Courses for family members to learn how to help their loved one, and how to help bad family situations? Here is one place you can learn about it: http://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/cs/take-a-course/what-you-learn/
posted by
TAPS.
on January 4, 2016 at 10:22 PM
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mneme
I too am at a loss here! Unless you decide to leave, things will probably remain as they are...
posted by
Nautikos
on January 4, 2016 at 8:04 PM
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i really don't know what to say that would help. Clearly it is always going to be a threesome. I am praying for you and will continue to. I do hope that you keep on with your Chior and yes spend time with yourown mother too. Her needs will be just as important as anyone elses.
posted by
Kabu
on January 4, 2016 at 1:09 PM
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