Go to Driftwood
- Add a comment
- Go to On Being Stoic
Re: Re:
i am so glad to read this. Always here dear friend.
posted by
Kabu
on September 18, 2014 at 10:07 AM
| link to this | reply
Re:
Thank you Kabu... it's been a little rough but things are settled again just at the moment.. xx
posted by
mneme
on September 17, 2014 at 12:05 PM
| link to this | reply
Re:
Hi Jimmy ... the kids will have each other, now that she's moving back there (she is in transit now). I'm doing my best to just take care of my relationship, and let the rest flow.
posted by
mneme
on September 17, 2014 at 12:05 PM
| link to this | reply
Re:
Hi, C C T - yes, I'm working on it... first I need to pin my plumber down to finish restoring my guest bathroom, and now that my daughter has moved there's less pressure on me to keep the house nice and tidy - I don't mind a bit of mess to get the job done.
posted by
mneme
on September 17, 2014 at 12:02 PM
| link to this | reply
Re:
Thank you FSI, you are very kind.
posted by
mneme
on September 17, 2014 at 11:58 AM
| link to this | reply
Re: mneme
Hello Naut - you are right, of course, but am I going to be so 'either-or' about this - or about anything...? ..smile... A good maxim for me has usually been 'if in doubt, do nowt' (which means nought/nothing, in a Yorkshire accent), and I find that things tend to work themselves out eventually. I really do need support at times, however, and this is a safe space for me to work through some of the issues.
posted by
mneme
on September 17, 2014 at 11:57 AM
| link to this | reply
Re:
Thanks Annicita - and I do know (and so does he) that I am pretty hopeless at setting boundaries. I don't really want to have to; I tend to be quite easy-going and it can sometimes backfire on me. More work needed... smile.
posted by
mneme
on September 17, 2014 at 11:52 AM
| link to this | reply
First of all let me say I support you in your quest for some balance in your life. That being said....givers must set boundaries because otherwise takers keep taking....You need to set boundaries with him. Let him know in no uncertain terms what is and what isn't acceptable from him. You appear to be losing yourself and becoming what he wants....but is that really true happiness?
posted by
Annicita
on September 13, 2014 at 4:57 AM
| link to this | reply
mneme
From all you have told us over time there is only one conclusion possible - you don't merely have a lover who has a son, you have a (lover + son)! I seems to me that you really have to make a choice - accept that package gladly, or not at all and call it quits...
posted by
Nautikos
on September 12, 2014 at 9:02 PM
| link to this | reply
I continue to wish you all the best.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on September 12, 2014 at 11:41 AM
| link to this | reply
If you don't like being alone, why not rent a room to someone like a nurse or an office worker. Make sure they do not do nights though.
posted by
C_C_T
on September 12, 2014 at 11:13 AM
| link to this | reply
And that's all you can do! Believe it or not, but the situations both you and your son ( and daughter ) have gone through and are going through is not unique. Not to sound like I'm down-playing it, but I've known several people who have gone through similar circumstances ( including myself ). It's what makes us all human, and these are the experiences we must deal with from time to time. The only thing that really counts is your inner strength, and your capacity to share that strength with others. Obviously that's what you're trying to do now. Stay the course . . . 
posted by
JimmyA
on September 12, 2014 at 6:43 AM
| link to this | reply
There is just something not right with him and his thinking... or is it in his mind that you three are a close knit family...the three of you forever. That man like, he just assumes that you by now are happy with that arrangement. All your children gone/going back to Australia he has no more worries from them taking you away from him, he and you can make a life together which of course includes looking after his son. If that is so I really would think that major talk to him has to happen, unless you can accept those terms.
You do need friends in your corner and I promise to be one of those friends.
posted by
Kabu
on September 11, 2014 at 7:39 PM
| link to this | reply
Re:
Hi Kabu sweetie.. you are so kind. I seem to be able to keep it all together, inwardly. I get over things, I smile again, I'm happy. Perhaps delusional... smile. But I've just gone into my email before bed and... the man has sent me a little question about a possible place to stay... I thought, lovely little B&B, how nice. Then I looked at the web page. It's a COTTAGE, minimum stay 3 nights. So my alarm bells have gone into overdrive. Is he planning another week away for the three of us, in which case they can go on their own. If he is not going to take us away by ourselves any more he needs to make that clear so that I can decide what to do about it. Perhaps it's his way of closing off the relationship... or is that too subtle.
posted by
mneme
on September 11, 2014 at 5:56 PM
| link to this | reply
My heart goes out to you across that big pond and I just want to hug you. Life can be so tough sometimes. Son seems to need a therapist ...I suffer anxiety attacks, not often now, and I have come to terms with living for ever on some medication. Not ideal I know but less debilitating to the alternative.
posted by
Kabu
on September 11, 2014 at 5:25 PM
| link to this | reply