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OK. I have a question here.
My feeling is that a lot of this type of behavior - while not necessarily done with the intent to abuse - is actually objectively bad for the kids. We also have to take the personality of the child into account; some kids respond only to abuse, while others will scream their lungs out at the slightest gentle reprimand. The thing is, it's especially dangerous to pull a kid by the arm in a medical center, because the docs there are all mandatory reporters and are required by the laws of some states to report even a suspicion of abuse.
Let's say a doctor - not the child's normal pediatrician, but someone else in pediatrics - saw the same incident I did, for the sake of argument. They would be required by law to report it, if they saw the incident the way I did, and leave the judgment of abuse to duly-authorized DCFS state employees. If they didn't, they'd lose their professional license. I do not have a professional license, so I am not bound by that law. My opinion is that dragging or pulling a child by the arm is a very poor way to treat a child; there are better ways to manage your child.
posted by
kidnykid
on January 25, 2004 at 12:45 PM
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Like I said, pulling a toddler by the arm is normal. They are too light
weight for such a thing to hurt them, and of course, it would be for someone who is always around to determine whether the mother needed to learn more patience. You don't know if it was a one time episode or anything. The real problem in our society is spoiled children who get away with everything and parents who are afraid to keep them in line. You don't want to add to the fear, because the parent has to teach their child to follow in public and behave and such so that something much worse does not happen. And you should know that toddlers go hysterical at the drop of a toy.
One time, I got mad in traffic and was very rude to another driver, but ever since then, I am very careful to think of that other driver as me. That's why strangers should not jump to conclusions. Flukes happen.
posted by
TARZANA
on January 25, 2004 at 11:47 AM
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One more comment from this author
There are ways to teach children manners that do not involve putting children second. Again, I remind everyone reading this comment that the second incident I describe is especially difficult to convey in mere words, without accompanying pictures and sound bites, but it wasn't just "Excuse me, I'm talking to your grandmother" type conversation that the adults were having with the child. I'm afraid we may have to agree to disagree here, but I believe strongly that we adults are obligated to be very polite and well-mannered around our children on a 24/7 basis, especially as they get older, because we are role models for them. (It's the reason why I take meds for my bipolar - so I don't have to be a Grinch around my family.)
posted by
kidnykid
on January 24, 2004 at 8:04 PM
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Thanks for pointing something out to me
Those of you kind enough to comment on this post may not realize this, but you've pointed out something very important. It's really hard for me to convey, in this setting, what I saw. Unfortunately, I couldn't put pictures or sound bites into this article - I have neither to document what I saw. I just have words to describe these incidents. I wish with all my heart that it were different, but I'm stuck just describing these incidents to you. It would be clearer if I had a videotape with sound, particularly with regard to the second incident.
posted by
kidnykid
on January 24, 2004 at 7:59 PM
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I don't see anything wrong with the second scenario
Children are NOT more important than adults when it comes to simple conversation, and a child needs to learn manners. They will interrupt 20,000 times if they are allowed. If you let the child rule you, then it never gets any discipline. They are not going to be emotionally scarred by learning that mom and gramma are talking and it's rude to interrupt.
--T99
posted by
Tamara99
on January 24, 2004 at 6:50 PM
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One of these incidents....
had to be seen to be believed. I probably didn't put this in the blog, and should have, but one mom actually was dragging her boy at times around the outpatient center. I was horrified - too horrified to walk up to this woman without my treating her like she just treated her little guy. No wonder he was screaming, the way the mom was yanking at his arm. The other incident involved the mom placing a higher priority on her mom than on her youngster, and it was more of a borderline thing. At the very least, this other mom needed parenting classes, or child development classes or something, to teach her that you don't just blow your youngster off when he's standing right next to you. That's why I wrote this piece, in fact. Perhaps those reading posts like this will learn, at the very least, that their behavior doesn't quite look the way they think it looks.
posted by
kidnykid
on January 24, 2004 at 6:11 PM
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I think you are being overly sensitive. What you described does not sound
horrific in any way. We certainly cannot make judgments about a person's constant behavior if we are a complete stranger.
posted by
TARZANA
on January 24, 2004 at 2:51 PM
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I don't know either. Every situation is different. Once I saw a guy beating his 10 year old with a belt in the mall parking lot. Two girls standing close to me called the cops on their cell phone and turned him in.
posted by
Passionflower
on January 24, 2004 at 11:50 AM
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