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i agree....i could never please either of my parents....praise was hard to come by and criticism was doled out incessantly.....it used to be hard for me to say no.....now not so much....still learning to say no when i need to all the time...thanks for that post
posted by
Annicita
on August 27, 2012 at 4:19 PM
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Agreeing with Mariss
"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from poor judgement" A lot of us learn the hard way.
posted by
Randir
on May 28, 2012 at 10:47 AM
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It is better to have some defenses against potentially dangerous situations. I have found out the hard way.
posted by
mariss9
on May 20, 2012 at 9:40 AM
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Ciel
A great post. I am good at saying NO loud and clear. I said that to FB and they warned me I would never be allowed to join again after 14 days passed. I asked them which part of NO they didn't understand. Now thank God I won't be bothered again.
posted by
WileyJohn
on May 18, 2012 at 8:21 AM
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Ciel
A superb post! Since others have already said the most important things, I shall simply give you a big 
! 
posted by
Nautikos
on May 17, 2012 at 8:28 PM
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An excellent post, something I have had trouble with in my life, saying No.
I don't think that that I still have the same level of difficulty, one of the joys for me of being older. I did enjoy reading this.
posted by
Kabu
on May 17, 2012 at 7:08 PM
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As you pointed out, we sometimes fear saying “no” because we fear being “not liked”. How foolish is that? I have found with age/maturity it becomes easier to say no simply because I’ve come to understand what I’m prepared to give of myself and what my expectations are in return. If I say yes continually to someone (or acquiesce) and ultimately decide that person is merely taking from my life and not adding value, I’m confident enough with myself (now) to say no.
posted by
Troosha
on May 17, 2012 at 6:42 PM
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Interesting post. Guilt can be quite a motivater!
posted by
tamijo
on May 17, 2012 at 5:15 PM
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Re: Lustorlove, I am not sure that it has ever been safe or wise
to befriend without some care.
posted by
Ciel
on May 17, 2012 at 4:57 PM
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Re: CCT, It is sad that no one has cared to give her memory and generosity
a bit of respect.
posted by
Ciel
on May 17, 2012 at 4:56 PM
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Re:Katray, this illustrates exactly the point:
Some of the good old-fashioned virtues that we are taught to cleave to, are sometimes the very seeds of dsyfunction, and destruction of things of real value.
posted by
Ciel
on May 17, 2012 at 4:56 PM
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you have to be careful who you befriend these days, friends arent like they use to be
posted by
Lanetay
on May 17, 2012 at 4:40 PM
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What I mean by almost dying is spending my time and money
on trying to save my kids from themselves; pulling them out of their drug fuelled messes repeatedly instead of taking care of my health issues (very severe asthma which has scarred my lungs beyond my body's ability to repair them) and now here I am possibly in need of a lung transplant..well, live and learn..
posted by
Katray2
on May 17, 2012 at 11:03 AM
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ONe little sad example Ceil; I knew a lady left her money to a nunnery, her grave is broken and deserted, not really in line with your blog but it just shows think before you offer favours,
posted by
C_C_T
on May 17, 2012 at 10:52 AM
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Excellently written and the subject bears close to home..
The oxygen mask comparison is especially enlightening...from someone who has nearly died trying to save others - I am a mother, so there is something instinctual there but with help I am understanding the need to "save" myself first and foremost. Saying no does aid in the requester's growth; I'm seeing that now also. Ahh, enabling and co-dependency, such complex trails we set ourselves upon..
posted by
Katray2
on May 17, 2012 at 10:46 AM
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