Comments on I can't can you?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? Cheeta has the razor. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? This is how we squeese the last bit of juice out of those batteries.  Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? Bankers are just mean sprited people. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? They want to look cool too. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Because they can't reach the stars. Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? Liberacci. What is the speed of darkness? The time it takes one to fall asleep.  Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours? Those people have never had a baby. If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Too cold.  Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? This is hard to answer with my wife staring over my shoulder. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? The moon buggy gave us the idea. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? You have to do that to make the binoculars work. Did you ever stop and wonder ...No. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' The man whose wife invented cookies.  Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.' My cousin Jimmy. Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? It used to be to light my cigarettes with, now it is for whatever I don't have matches for because I quit smoking. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? There is, it is behind the roast.  Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? What people are these? Why does your Gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? This is one I just can't answer. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !Evolution, or else Goofy is really happy. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? No one told me there was going to be a test.  If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? You asked...babies. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? No that is for morons.  Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? They were written by the same guy.  Stop singing and read on ...OK Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Yes we do.  Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Just maybe if we took breath mints before blowing into the dogs face?  Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? No but it is good entertainment for the trip.

Your welcome.