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Your strong-willed child

The reason he acts the way he does with you is because he knows that if he continues long enough, he will get his way.  I had to deal with a very strong-willed child myself and, looking back, I'm not even sure how I got through it!  It is very difficult and I didn't have anyone like me, that had gone through raising a child like that.  The child just never gives you a break,right?  It is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life but if you can get through about 30 days, your child will begin to treat you completely different and he will have a better attitude about life and how to treat others every day.

This is what you have to do.  If you make a statement, like, "Eat your oatmeal," you have to mean it.  You have to let your child know that you mean it.  If he doesn't start to eat his oatmeal when you tell him the first time, say it with a little more force and, if he still doesn't comply, tell him the consequences.  Such as he will have to sit in the corner for 10 minutes or he will have to give up his favorite toy for a certain amount of time.  Then, make sure that you carry out what you have said.  It's none of this, "Oh, my poor baby," because he will probably cry a lot and call your name and you will want to pick him up and cuddle him but you can't, not for ten minutes.  It's much harder for you than it is for him, believe me.  After the ten minutes have passed, go to him and have him look at you while you are talking and let him know that this is what is going to happen every time he doesn't eat his oatmeal and then ask him if he understands.  When he says yes, then you can pick him up and cuddle him and tell him how much you love him but don't ever apologize for the punishment.

I gave you a lot of detail but I wanted you to see each step as it takes place and you don't have to use the punishment I used but keep in mind his age and make the punishment fit the crime as much as possible.  Such as, if he threw all of his toys all over his room, then he has to clean up his room completely. He will go to his room but he won't start to clean it up.  Make sure he knows what it is that you want him to do and then leave him to do it.  He should stay in his room all day if it takes it until his room is clean until dinner time and, if it's not clean, you should explain to him why it is important to keep a clean room and help him finish it just before dinner time but make sure he helps.

You have to mean what you say and say what you mean.  Don't make threats that you are not willing to back up.  Keep this easy on yourself because there will be many opportunities for you every day.  Pick your battles and then stick with them.  That's the most important thing--that you stick to the promise you make to him, even if it is very small.

I hope I am helping you.  The main thing is that you mean what you say.  No more, "Sit down and eat or I'm going to spank you" without following up on it.  Your child will be so surprised.  At first, you may want to ask him, "Now what did I say I was going to do if you didn't sit dow and eat?"  He probably won't know so tell him and then follow through.  Like I said, it will probably take around 30 days but I know it will work for you and I would love to hear back from you.

posted by SandiKaye on April 19, 2012 at 5:21 AM | link to this | reply

....
i was thinking about this the other day and basically we discipline children to make our lifes easier. Children grow up to be adults and the rules we make them abide by when they are children do not apply when they are adults. If you teach your child not to be demanding then it will probably grow up to be a submissive adult! Its a rat race in the real world i say set whatever rules you see fit!!

posted by duracell on July 21, 2009 at 10:55 AM | link to this | reply

 Aah just scroll through child rearing. You’re there for your son. You know that you’ll continue to meet his needs. You feel compelled to. All you have to do is set aside time for you to rest when he’s asleep or preoccupied, playing with something safe. BillJRoost

 

posted by BC-A on July 17, 2009 at 2:40 PM | link to this | reply

Oh my God. A busted nose? Not having had any children myself I can't give you any advice, but I feel for you.

posted by vogue on July 14, 2009 at 7:15 PM | link to this | reply