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Re: mneme
And personally I've never been able to be so single-minded and dogmatic. I was brought up being told there were two sides to everything and that both must be considered. It has worked against me. Certain types of people - yes, some females too - have exploited that and confused me into thinking I am the problem. Sometimes I believe them. Sometimes I don't get why they won't accept my explanation. I need to learn to let go of being hurt by others' opinions. I can if it is someone I am not involved with. Here, I am not involved with him directly but I went forward with some major decisions on the basis that he wanted to marry me. If he had changed his mind, he should have said so long ago.
posted by
mneme
on June 11, 2009 at 2:53 PM
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Re: mneme
Thankyou johnacnab, and I agree it isn't only men. I guess if you are a woman you wonder if all men are the same, assuming that it's in the gender that the difference lies - and vice versa if you are a man experiencing the same kind of one-sidedness from someone not willing to consider the other's input.
posted by
mneme
on June 11, 2009 at 2:48 PM
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mneme
You said it all in the second paragraph, mneme
'It has all been shaped to suit his argument.' The sad part is that some men are like that - but so are some women.
posted by
johnmacnab
on June 11, 2009 at 5:41 AM
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Re: You deserve so much more and better.
At the moment, Justi, I am feeling devalued, cheapened, stupid, bewildered, lied to, led down the garden path, deceived, homeless, broke, confused, empty. I'm not scared, because God knows my truths - my love was genuine and not based on what it gave me - but I can't stop crying and I just MUST NOT forget to take my pills. If I do, I can't function. This is not how I wanted to spend my years going towards retirement and grandchildren, but here it is. I don't know how to go forward, so I focus on the now. Right now, that is just a blur. No fun having a semi-public meltdown but it does help to get the words out of my head instead of having things spinning round in there.
Did it - managed a smilie.
posted by
mneme
on June 10, 2009 at 3:31 PM
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Re:
Hi Sam - I'm not wallowing, though some might see it so (I know you don't). It's just trauma. It takes a huge amount of undoing.
posted by
mneme
on June 10, 2009 at 3:18 PM
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Thank you both for being so kind.. I just don't know how I would have got through this without the kind of support I've found here and among my friends in England, my family, John my counsellor, Ellen my abuse counsellor and one very close woman friend here. I have shielded my children from most of this and my shoulders are only so wide. He has no idea how shattering it is to receive that kind of news over the phone. I just don't understand him, he's changed. That often happens when another woman starts with her input.
posted by
mneme
on June 10, 2009 at 3:17 PM
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Re: Hanging on to him and a future with him that may never come is not
Not hanging on Ariala - just can't bear to be around him and watch him live his life. He didn't do right by me and I have a lot more to say to him, but it won't be today. This morning I returned a necklace he bought me, and a flower (wooden) that has special significance. I left. Let him see how it feels to be walked out on.
posted by
mneme
on June 10, 2009 at 3:11 PM
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You must know that this will pass and you will be ready to move on! I am troubled for you because you are delaying your happiness with this slow egress! I wish you all the best! sam
posted by
sam444
on June 10, 2009 at 11:33 AM
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You deserve so much more and better.
Ariala has excellent advice for you. You need new activities, read, write, walk, look at how wonderful you look in that outfit. Learn to love yourself, this man is not the right man. When you find the right man he will consider your feelings and you will consider his, and yours. This is a relationship doomed and it hurts so much but you can be so much better, happier and have a great future. Learn to love being alone with yourself before you consider a relationship with another. Two are not required to live your life happily.
Us Bloggers on Blogit love you!
)
posted by
Justi
on June 10, 2009 at 8:00 AM
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Hanging on to him and a future with him that may never come is not
good for you. Watching him move on with another woman is so hard. You have to do what's best for you. Being friends after all this is not good, even if you feel he's the only friend you have. I've experienced this type of thing and reading your words takes me back there and the pain I endured. The good news is this -- you WILL find a better man for YOU! I know you're not ready for that now and may not want to hear it...but it's the truth. Meanwhile, write, write, write...we're here for you!
posted by
Ariala
on June 10, 2009 at 4:31 AM
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