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Re: Re: mneme...I HAVE ALWAYS SAID...
BEING A MOTHER IS THE GREATEST BLESSING AND THE WORST CURSE ON A WOMAN! LOL!
posted by
muser
on June 8, 2009 at 8:09 AM
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Re: Re: mneme...Letting our children go
is one of the hardest things required of us, darlin'.
Our success as a parent is realized when we have raised our children to be independent of us out in the world. We always love them, but a great part part of that love must be our willingness to let them go. The day will come when your son will leave you, mneme. He may take a job in another country. He could marry, and move closer to his wife's family ...it is true that "when your daughter marries, you gain a son, but when your son marries, you lose your son," The thing is, mneme, he will leave one day and if you have done your job really well, he will be prepared to strike out on his own.
Your son knows this, mneme. You don't want him to worry about you so much that he stays with you to take care of you. This is the beginning of his journey into LIFE 101!. You don't want your nestling to have broken wings; you want him to have the confidence to stretch his wings...and fly! Look at what you wrote: :"...wants for me to choose for myself..." He needs to know that you are strong, and that you can make your own happiness. He needs to know that you can and will love yourself enough to take care of yourself, to be good to yourself, and that you will live your own life in the manner you taught him to live his! Then, and only then can he, with a clear conscience, leave you in order to LIVE, LOVE, RISK...
Didn't you love the ending of "Titanic" when the camera panned Rose's photographs, and we had a glimpse into her exciting world? What a magnificent gift Jack gave her...his expectation to not only LIVE her life, but to live it to the fullest! He left her with that expectation because of his great love for her, and she LIVED her life for the two of them because of her great love for him...I know how difficult is is to let them go, I have two sons, but it is true mneme, that when we willingly let them go, they will want to come back to visit! it is wonderful to cook all their favorite meals, let them sleep in if they want...spoil them! And you will find that when your son or daughter leaves, you will be glad to return to the happy, fulfilling life you have made for yourself. when you do this for yourself, it is truly a gift to your children as it frees them to live their lives without guilt knowing that Mom is O.K.! muser
posted by
muser
on June 8, 2009 at 8:02 AM
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Re: mneme...
I understand..:) I think I'm going to find it a little difficult, that's all. You spend your life caring for others, and suddenly you find yourself without anyone - without either of them. Thank God I have my son (a 22-yr old). I still have decisions to make about where I'm going to end up. He is so supportive, and wants for me to choose for myself, not for him. How can a mother do that?
posted by
mneme
on June 8, 2009 at 2:41 AM
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Re: hello again, mneme
I see what you mean, Muser - I tend to read this as 'love thy neighbour
and thyself' - treating others as I would like to be treated. Unfortunately I tend also to keep a lot of my inner thoughts private (this might seem surprising given how often I blurt things out in my blogs, LOL) - I guess I keep things to myself in relationships rather than make a fuss over small things. Then, because I'm easy-going and ready to cut people some slack, I find myself either taken for granted or accused of things I am not doing, more stupidly trying to figure out if I actually were and were unaware of it. I did love myself; but I loved them more. Aren't we supposed to?
posted by
mneme
on June 8, 2009 at 2:37 AM
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mneme...
I did not intend to sound so abrupt at the end. What I meant was that I think you must put yourself first now as I think you haven't in quite some time. So please do nice things for yourself. Treat yourself the way you would like to be treated, get used to it, and then accept nothing less! You deserve the best! muser
posted by
muser
on June 8, 2009 at 1:22 AM
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hello again, mneme
i just discovered you are still here, and I am saddened by your distress. I remember when you first joined Blogit I felt such a connection with you, and now .......again after being gone a year I feel the same way. I feel strongly about what I am about to write; it's as if I was meant to cross your path again. Anyway, for what it's worth: get rid of ALL those things in your life that are causing you pain. We are to live full, happy lives. No one else can make you happy. Only you can make you happy. Remember the "Golden Rule" paraphrased here: love God with all of your being, and love your neighbor as yourself." It took me a long time to implement this in my own life because I like most people stopped reading after the word neighbor. When one reads to the end the meaning changes radically..."as yourself" meaning one must love himself first before he can fully love another. We learn growing up to put others first, but we short-change ourselves by doing so. If we don't love ourselves first, then we don't expect others to put us first or hold us in high regard. We are not a whole person until we first love ourself. When we are whole, we do not seek a mate to complete us, but rather a mate to compliment us. I want for you all good things, but you will never have them until you want them for yourself. muser
posted by
muser
on June 7, 2009 at 4:44 AM
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Re:
texture, thank you, also, for the comment on my writing - I was beginning to wonder how much angst a reader can take..
posted by
mneme
on June 5, 2009 at 10:51 PM
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Re: mneme
Thank you Naut, you are very kind :) - just so long as I don't bore people. Might need to inject a little comedy now and then.
posted by
mneme
on June 5, 2009 at 10:50 PM
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Re:
sam, very sweet of you, as always... my young man is coming into his own now and really looking after me. I do feel I'm getting better and value the support I find here.
posted by
mneme
on June 5, 2009 at 10:49 PM
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Re:
scarlet, I'm touched+ by your comment on my writing.. I was beginning to worry that I must be boring everyone with this by now :)
posted by
mneme
on June 5, 2009 at 10:47 PM
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Beautiful, heart wrenching, and extremely well written.
posted by
texture
on June 5, 2009 at 9:08 AM
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mneme
Yes, maybe this is the way - just talking (and writing) about it...
posted by
Nautikos
on June 5, 2009 at 8:04 AM
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I would be proud of him, too! I feel such pain for you in this very trying situation! I do hope you can move forward with your life and find happiness once again! sam
posted by
sam444
on June 4, 2009 at 10:06 PM
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I know this is your way of "healing" I guess you can call it that...but it is so beautifully written. There are not many people on this site who can actuallly write well, let alone put their pain on paper like that.
posted by
scarlet_raven
on June 4, 2009 at 9:15 PM
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