Go to Driftwood
- Add a comment
- Go to And today's
Thanks Skye
it's nice to have the support, I need lots of it. I don't regret being away from my husband at all, but i do miss my son and my home. Got to weigh things up very very carefully. It isn't the money, he has to give me at least half and I don't want more than I need. I don't know what is stopping me and I'm looking for answers so I will get there in the end. This trip has absolutely exhausted me.
posted by
mneme
on September 10, 2008 at 5:46 PM
| link to this | reply
Thanks azur
I am going round in circles and my mother has just given me a good talking-to:) I'm very glad to be flying out of here on Monday. Talk soon.
posted by
mneme
on September 10, 2008 at 5:43 PM
| link to this | reply
Hi Sam,
thank you for the support.. I just wish my husband wouldn't keep pushing back at me and saying he's done nothing. I can't deal with him and have to remind myself what I know is true and good about myself, or else he will have me believing that I am as bad as he is, which is of course his tactic. You can't get through to some people, and I am disappointed in my GP trying to point out how he is at least willing to try (3 years after he gave up counselling...!) He will never, ever give up, and it's because it's what
he needs. He is now just applying the financial pressure so I am going to end up not even having the money to ship my things home. What he doesn't know is that I just took on a storage unit, which will buy me time. He knows I am not going to live with him right now but as for being pushed into a corner by his control, I'd rather starve than ask him for any money now. It's got to come from him, as a goodwill gesture and to support me, or I have to use the law.
posted by
mneme
on September 10, 2008 at 5:18 AM
| link to this | reply
Hi PatB
There's no payoff or satisfaction in this, I am still separated but looking at what the alternatives offer. Now that one future appears closed off to me, I have to think about my long-term security. If he won't get into some program or other, I guess he has answered one of my lingering doubts. This was a relationship in which my most basic emotional needs were just not met, and he isn't letting go. If he were to really change, and it's a big if, because I am a lot happier away from him, I might be persuaded that it's worth trying again, but only for a finite period and with some very strict terms of my own for once. I think the Al-Anon meeting helped me see that he isn't always in control. That doesn't lessen the effects of his actions on me but it helps de-personalise it a little.
posted by
mneme
on September 10, 2008 at 3:39 AM
| link to this | reply
I lived in a horrible marriage for 17 years! I left and have not regretted one moment! Life is great when it is about you! sam
posted by
sam444
on September 9, 2008 at 4:53 PM
| link to this | reply
Bless you in every way love. 
posted by
BC-A
on September 9, 2008 at 3:14 PM
| link to this | reply
What are you getting out of this situation?
Is there some satisfaction that isn't evident in your story? Because it seems to me you're helping this guy (who may or may not intend to be such a negative) make your life miserable. If you're letting him direct your daily activities, if you're the prisoner and he's the worden when you have the key to your own freedom, there must be a payoff.
posted by
Pat_B
on September 9, 2008 at 5:36 AM
| link to this | reply
If they stay with their partners that is for them
only you can choose for you. That is the right thing to do. sorry I can't say more.
I have flu, and oh, you know stuff, that bites me. If i let it. I am going to stop let it getting to me. I choose that.
posted by
Azur
on September 8, 2008 at 7:59 PM
| link to this | reply
Bless your heart
I have walked your path only I had two small children. Luckily I had my Mom for support. That was in 1991. Today my ex and I are good friends. I have been there to support him during difficult times and he is here for me now. It wasn't always so and was very difficult for several years. However, we have our children and I tried to keep the peace for their sake. Divorcing him was good for me. I am in a much better place mentally, emotionally, and spiritally. I met and married Richard 15 years ago. He is so loving and kind and giving underneath all his little quirks. He has also supported my ex in difficult times. I don't know too many men who would do what he has done. Above all else, love yourself first so that love will radiate outward and then true love will come back to you.
posted by
skye08
on September 8, 2008 at 7:28 PM
| link to this | reply
Just musing..
Someone give me a push in the right direction for goodness' sake... do I just have too much time on my hands? I wouldn't if I had a houseful of kids - maybe that's what I truly miss. Hmmm.. Kindergarten Teacher???
posted by
mneme
on September 8, 2008 at 7:05 PM
| link to this | reply