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benzinha, thanks
I am glad my post inspired you to talk to your adult children. And, you're right - parenting is truly a job.....and there have been so many times that I have to remind myself that I am the parent in the relationship, it's not funny!
posted by
Greenfields
on June 25, 2008 at 12:00 PM
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greenfields, parenting is truly a JOB. How we do it, if we learn and
improve our skills and change as our children age, we become really good at the job. You sound like you have just shaken yourself out of routine parenting and taken it up a notch and I'm sure that your son will appreciate it, as it had to be done.
Mothers are the center, fathers are the circumference and children are the planets....without the mother's job, all becomes wobbly and scattered. You see that and accept that and will now use it to everyone's advantage.
What a wonderful post. I must go talk to my adult children because of your post....
posted by
benzinha
on June 25, 2008 at 11:43 AM
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Justi
I agree with you. Now comes the task of keeping him 'nudged' in that direction! Cheers.
posted by
Greenfields
on June 24, 2008 at 8:29 PM
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OTA.
Very profoud - what you have said. My guess, as everyone is saying, is that fluidity and loving firmness is the answer. I liek the idea that it all seems to be about change. Thanks.
posted by
Greenfields
on June 24, 2008 at 8:24 PM
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Greenfields
When you are setting boundaries for your children they will be happier. Children even very grown up ones who want to do what they want to do don't really. It is difficult for them to make all the decisions about growing up since it is obvious they have not experienced that before. You have made an excellent choice, stick to your words to him and nudge him to follow along with those requirements you set out. Best Wishes. Parenting is the most difficult job on the planet and contrary to what people often say and contrary also to the fact that you love them so much it is not always a rewarding job.
posted by
Justi
on June 24, 2008 at 6:32 PM
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Greenfields, The challenges of parenting evolve and change with time. Your family seems to be handling the adjustments quite well.
Just when I think I have figured out how to parent my children they change or their needs change. It seems to all be about change.
~Peace to you and yours, OTA
posted by
Blue_feathers
on June 24, 2008 at 12:59 PM
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sam444, thank you
it's good to hear what you are sharing. My husband and I feel the same way. Every nw and then, as we all know, there is a big moment of doubt!!!
posted by
Greenfields
on June 24, 2008 at 10:18 AM
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On ZenMom
you don't know how comforting it is to know that I am in good company! Adn you're right about giving guidance that they may or may not accept. Just today my son was doing his resume to send out for an intership. It is hard for him to take advise (a pattern since middle school), and I piointed this out to him. He smiled and said yes. But, he did take it and we completed and sent out his resume. I think it helps to say what is in our hearts and minds.
posted by
Greenfields
on June 24, 2008 at 10:17 AM
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elysianfields
thank you for comments. And the hearts -they touch me!
posted by
Greenfields
on June 24, 2008 at 10:11 AM
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Azur
Yes, and sometimes its hard to know when to push and when to back off. I guess we have to be intuitive about this stuff, no?
posted by
Greenfields
on June 24, 2008 at 10:10 AM
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TAPS.
Thanks. I am sure there will be many more 'next times'! And, I agree, a good start has been made.
posted by
Greenfields
on June 24, 2008 at 10:08 AM
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I think it is so difficult being a student in day. The varied opportunities and enticements make it difficult to stay focused. I know he will be fine. Having just finished getting my last one graduated, she has now decided to pursue another field. I think the greatest thing is to keep them feeling good about themselves. I liked the fact that he admitted he didn't work to his potential. He will tend to it! sam
posted by
sam444
on June 24, 2008 at 10:07 AM
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Greenfields - I awoke early this morning........couldn't sleep since I was (once again) worried about one of my children. Then, I read your post. It was a tremendous help to me since it reminded me that the "issues" I have w/ my son (partying, lack of direction) are universal. And, you handled it beautifully........calmly, rationally. This IS the best way. It is so easy to lose one's temper and this does no good. I remind myself daily that my son is SOLID in his CORE and he will find his way in the world..........all I can do is love him and offer guidance (which he MAY or MAY NOT accept).
Thank you! 
posted by
ZenMom
on June 24, 2008 at 7:15 AM
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Greenfields
~ what a refreshing blog - to find parents that are 'sensitive' and interested in the further success of their children. I think this is an inspiring, encouraging testimony. I am with you - in heart - that all will keep going forward for the good of the family. This touched me. Have a wonderful day!~ Elyse
posted by
elysianfields
on June 24, 2008 at 5:55 AM
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Sounds like you dealt with it well
My son is a teen. His relaxed approach to school work is a little too relaxed. I remind him every now and again that being self-employed things don't come so easy. At school all the teachers really like him. He has a couple of big talents and he is relaxed about them too. My only fear is that he might regret not following up on the opportunities he has. I try to urge him to pursue those talents a bit more and see what might be possible.
posted by
Azur
on June 23, 2008 at 11:58 PM
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Good for you, Greenfields. If there ever is a "next time" it will be easier for you now that you have made a good start at communicating.
posted by
TAPS.
on June 23, 2008 at 9:55 PM
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