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mneme
I'm just catching up, and I'm sorry to see that things are in such turmoil for you! I always find it
extremely difficult to give advice of any kind in these situations, and I won't, but I fully agree with Pat...
posted by
Nautikos
on June 13, 2008 at 6:55 AM
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mneme
Life is a circle, mneme. i know, I know it sounds like another platitude, but Ell and I were in a similar situation - we separated, divorced and the kids went their own way. Now we are married again, and one daughter lives 20k away in the States, The other lives 15k away in Canada. Not bad when you consider we started off in Scotland and the world is a vast place. You will be fine. Have courage.
posted by
johnmacnab
on June 5, 2008 at 7:42 PM
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Hi TAPS
The sun is 'out' today
There used to be a song on the radio when I was little:
The sun has got his hat on,
Hip-hip-hip-hooray,
The sun has got his hat on
And he's coming out today.
Five-year-olds love it! I'm wondering if I should add it to my sidebar LOL. Isn't life so changeable?
posted by
mneme
on June 4, 2008 at 2:51 AM
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mneme, Why is it so hard to get men to work on the issues?....maybe not all men, but at least yours and mine? Why do there have to be issues?....I thought it was supposed to be happy ever after. That was a long time ago. It rained a lot, for a long time, before the sun began to shine.
posted by
TAPS.
on June 3, 2008 at 4:19 PM
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Pat B - thanks, again for being spot on - it's my sanity or my marriage. It was being with him
and being overseas with the person he is - couldn't manage both. Especially when he wouldn't work on the issues. How I've come to hate that word 'issues' - wasn't life so much easier once upon a time? I thought you were just meant to talk about things - now it's all motive, cause and effect, mitigation, context ... and he says he doesn't have 'issues' anyway. Sigh. There he is again. Still wants me back.
posted by
mneme
on June 3, 2008 at 7:40 AM
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Azur, like you I try not to dwell on loss.. now and then it hits me, and off I go. I forgave it all; I sometimes get the after effects. Good thing we bounce :)
posted by
mneme
on June 3, 2008 at 7:27 AM
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That's the trouble with an irrationally defensive man, you can't win.
Judging by my own experience, I imagine you've taken on the job of taking care, of making right, of routine tasks like meals and paying bills, and in spite of all the time and thought you put into it, suddenly you're an anchor around his neck, drowning him. You've overlooked slights and insults, unexplained absences, long sullen punishing silences. There are hills and valleys, moments of hope, times he seems able to understand, little things that keep you hanging on, searching for a way through the troubles. Eventually you have to accept the only hope for you is to let go. As one doctor told me, you can have your marriage or your sanity, but not both. I chose me 27 years ago.
posted by
Pat_B
on June 3, 2008 at 5:28 AM
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Like the rain
This time will pass. The car is a symbol of a time. You will travel on new roads, and it will be fine. That all sounds a little trite but is not meant so. You write very movingly. I was lucky that someone close took steps about depression, and I try not to think of wasted years and lost things. I think you will still have your family, but perhaps not in the configuration. But other ways can work.
posted by
Azur
on June 2, 2008 at 5:57 PM
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