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Azur
Talk about being kicked when you are down? I think I would have been quietly grinding all his work under my heel, and crushing every piece of glass in the house. I'm so sorry.
posted by
johnmacnab
on May 10, 2008 at 3:26 PM
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Re: azur, I was spinning my wheels blaming everyone for all that was fallin
Oh Benzinha, we are like see saws. We seek others to blame and then we blame ourselves too much.
I confess I blame someone for the fact that we should be comfortable now where we struggle, and this has meant my energies are so spread. I also blame that same person for not appreciating what it is that i have my health, and for not seeing that killing myself with work may make me ill again. I mean how many lucky escapes am I going to get? Of course I should blame myself for not putting my foot down.
As for the judges who chose him and others over me, I don't blame them. They must judge work on its merit and mine was not nearly ready. Of course why it was not ready casts me back into that vicious cycle. My very dear distant friend tells me of the difficulties men face but more often than that he says that women are the strong ones. I don't believe he just says it. Perhaps it is why I am so fond of him.
Anyway, I hope amid all of the blame, you are OK my dear friend. You have been quiet here and I was worried.
posted by
Azur
on May 4, 2008 at 1:33 AM
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azur, I was spinning my wheels blaming everyone for all that was falling
apart, doctors, etc. you know.....
Then my sister sent me this email and I am trying to read it daily...trying to believe, to find the good in me again.
Here is the dumb email.
"All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The onlly thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy." ~ Wayne Dyer
Well, hell. So, now I've added to my agony in all things by searching for the unhappiness causes in me. Darn !! I just want a break, like you. A long vacation, a time for others to pick up my list of chores and let me go to the hammock or whatever....
Sigh. A woman's work in never done and maybe there is re-incarnation and I am putting in my order for a male body next time around. I need the rest.
Uh-oh, this is an hour later or so and this appeared on my computer, my old post and so, I am going to hit the ADD COMMENT button and blow my own mind!!! Where was this thing for a few hours?? Where?? Where? It was not on the bar at the bottom of my screen !!
posted by
benzinha
on May 3, 2008 at 9:38 PM
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azur, long Wayne Dyer quote on blaming just disappeared from
this form, so I give up sending it to you.
Just will rewrite that I want to believe in re-incarnation, and am NOW, at this early date, ordering a male body for next time around, as I need the rest.
posted by
benzinha
on May 3, 2008 at 7:14 PM
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How many prize winners do anything memorable?
You make me smile...I'll remember that.
A rose
and a smile
from me to you! Yes it's from =^..^= too!
posted by
Whacky
on May 1, 2008 at 8:46 PM
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Azur
You certainly have good reasons for your feelings, and I know how very skilled you are at writing and how much you helped me with that Hydro One story.
As soon as my settlement comes through from Veterans Affairs you can be certain my appreciation of your writing skills will have a more tangible expression of my gratefulness my friend.God Bless you luv
posted by
WileyJohn
on May 1, 2008 at 6:59 PM
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turn around
When you came out of mommy and took your first breath. You have been breathing ever since. Through all your ups and downs. Through all your relationships it has stayed true to you. Never judging you, just waiting for you to realize you have one a life on this magnificent playground. Find out what you have one before its to late.
posted by
LittleBirdie
on May 1, 2008 at 4:49 PM
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That is a tough situation to be in. If you can't take it any more, you should let your partner know.
posted by
jmh256
on May 1, 2008 at 2:30 PM
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This is how stressful I imagined novel writing to be.
You are getting killed by mosquito bites. The little things are overwhelming you. Whenever I have attempted to write a novel my insecurities devour me. When I write a short story, I find endless mistakes, so I figure those multiply like rabbits on a grander scale of an attempt at writing a novel.
And in your case the novel is one of many projects, not to mention the relentless duties of mother, wife, homemaker. You wear more hats than a hat rack and you're just looking for some acknowledgment. Kudos to your partner, but YOU know that that achievement took a great deal of sacrifice and work from you, carrying on your shoulders. I'm with those who said we wish that you received the prize, and I'm sorry you didn't. We have to believe that the prize is on its way. Take a breath, my friend. I wish you strength so you can get to rejoice in what's coming to you. Those who read you regularly know that you've already won.
posted by
CunningLinguist
on May 1, 2008 at 8:56 AM
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Oh Azur, your time will come! Keeping working and make the decisions that fulfill you as a writer and seek them! sam
posted by
sam444
on May 1, 2008 at 8:08 AM
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Hang in there! I know the feeling.
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on May 1, 2008 at 8:01 AM
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Taps is right. You certainly deserve the week and the honor.
I hope he will give credit where credit is due when the time comes.
Woman's work: not only is it never done or appreciated, the flavor is bittersweet.
posted by
Pat_B
on May 1, 2008 at 6:27 AM
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Azur, Taps said it all. You deserve your place in the sun one day, never give up. Virginia Woolf was right about some things, when it comes to being a woman and a writer. I don't take too much notice of her generally but it does seem unfair that women struggle so. Don't give up, there's always hope. You are good, people are recognising that.
posted by
mneme
on May 1, 2008 at 2:51 AM
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this is sad...but you can't wish something beautiful to be otherwise my dear...you are a very good writer, yourself...
posted by
__Purple_Mermaid11__
on May 1, 2008 at 1:11 AM
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Azur, This makes me sad. I want you to win. I want you to grab the gold ring as the music plays and the horses dance and see you beam and glow and then tell us about it in a grand blog post. The next one is yours, Azur. I am sure of it. It must be.
posted by
TAPS.
on May 1, 2008 at 1:11 AM
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