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opheliablue
Oh, I appreciate your insight. I am so sorry about what happened to you. You blanked it out but I guess eventually it got out, didn't it? I felt the strong urge to blog for a while now until I succumbed. Thanks for your comment.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 8, 2007 at 8:01 PM
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Re: brianne_amai
YES! YES YES YES! I remember now! I looooove Desiderata, thank you
posted by
brianne_amai
on September 8, 2007 at 5:11 PM
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LD
I honestly agree with what I think the 'write, write, write' comment means. When something happens that is painful or leaves any feelings left over, I really believe that if they're not expressed or 'got out' as much as possible at the time, they will still be there. They will just go that little bit deeper inside and perhaps be harder to get out when they need to come out. An extreme example of that is that I 'blanked out' the childhood abuse I suffered and although it was actually a coping mechanism that helped me survive at the time, it did just make it go deeper inside and have a huge affect on my life that has taken large chunks of time to get through. At the same time, I do believe that your body/mind can instinctively know what is right for you at this time and that sometimes you *do* need to 'get away' from writing and thinking about it. I also recommend 'Your Erroneous Zones' (and wonder if you have heard of Louise Hay, Susan Jeffers or Denise Mina?) I have found them all to be helpful for me (and my mum did too, she found Denise Mina especially helpful and I found Louise Hay to be a lifesaver when I needed it).
Perhaps a combination of writing and writing it out of you but also doing a couple of special things to look after yourself is part of the answer...(apologies for almost turning your blog into mine by never shutting up!)
posted by
opheliablue
on September 8, 2007 at 2:58 PM
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lovelyladymonk
Sounds good.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 8, 2007 at 9:16 AM
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Re: le divorce
people have been very supportive here, I am thankful.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 8, 2007 at 9:16 AM
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Re: There are two philosophies on this...one, as PatB mentioned and the oth
so which is right?
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 8, 2007 at 9:13 AM
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Re: I hate to quote Dr. Phil, but if you don't deal with it, you can't fix
all of this has made me physically ill. I just hope that it can all get resolved.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 8, 2007 at 9:13 AM
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LD,
Here's what I'd do...when it's helpful for you to share things with us, by all means do that. When you feel it's bringing back to much of the past, stop.
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on September 8, 2007 at 8:59 AM
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Re: whether you blog or not,
I am feeling pretty inconsistent, feelings wise, not that that is anything strange. I am grieving my marriage and my way of life. Funnily, I don't miss Tim much, but what we were together, a couple, a family.
Thanks for the book titles, I will look into them.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 8, 2007 at 8:57 AM
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Re: Perhaps...
, you are right, I am feeling pretty defined by it right now.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 8, 2007 at 8:55 AM
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Re: Write Write Write
What is it that you want to me to do? LOL
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 8, 2007 at 8:54 AM
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le divorce
I agree with these comments and especially loved the long poem, one I hadn't read for awhile and one which was very very timely for me to read today ! I wish I would have had Blogit when I was going through a divorce- it would have helped. This is a safe, mostly private environment with supportive people.
posted by
Nanaroo
on September 8, 2007 at 7:49 AM
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Re: brianne_amai
This is one of the deepest pieces of writing I ever read. When I first read it, I took the tips from it and applied them. I understood!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on September 8, 2007 at 7:35 AM
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brianne_amai
The quote is from Desiderata, which I post in full below.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
posted by
richbitch
on September 8, 2007 at 7:22 AM
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There are two philosophies on this...one, as PatB mentioned and the other
is the Law of Attraction that says "the feelings which you activitate will cause more of the same feelings to be generated." In other words, don't dwell on feelings that make you feel worse. They teach, "Find a happy thought and think it." I suggest watching the documentary "The Secret" to find out more about the Law of Attraction, if that interests you.
posted by
Ariala
on September 8, 2007 at 6:29 AM
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I hate to quote Dr. Phil, but if you don't deal with it, you can't fix it.
So getting it out, writing/thinking about it, talking about all the issues is a form of purging. You get all that stuff that's eating away at your gut, making you physically ill, all the stuff you're hiding that makes you live dishonestly -- you get it out, let it go. Yes, it hurts now. And it's a good sign that you're questioning the benefits. The real you is coming back, like a seed uncurling under the soil. Before long there'll be sunshine.
posted by
Pat_B
on September 8, 2007 at 6:23 AM
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lustor.......
They will jail you when they find out I'm only 54. Temptation without a permit!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on September 7, 2007 at 10:38 PM
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Re: richbitch
Not make you feel bad, but I have been doing this alone thing more than I have been with someone, but I am now older and its hard to find someone one at age 63 but it hasnt been easy. I just spent a whole week on vacation out of the week I have spent 4 days alone. It is a lonely world out there so dont turn into me and get out and do something you enjoy and afford and do it
posted by
Lanetay
on September 7, 2007 at 9:42 PM
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Re: Let it Go
I know that quote but I can't remember where it's from!! Can you enlighten me???
posted by
brianne_amai
on September 7, 2007 at 9:19 PM
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whether you blog or not,
you will go back and forth with your feelings. one day you will feel AMAZING, another you might not want to get out of bed. that's natural. you are going through the grieving process and there are different stages; you may go back and forth between these feelings and experience the steps out of order. you may think the grieving process is only when someone dies, but it can happen with the loss of anything. you're grieving the loss of your marriage.
it is unhealthy to trap your feelings inside for the sake of not experiencing them. you must FEEL them to get them out. although it's not healthy to DWELL on certain things, you have to get it out. read about the Law of Attraction, it will help you if you can apply the principles. dont do the heavily commercialized The Secret. Try getting an audio book by Jerry and Esther Hicks. Their books are much more detailed. Again, get Your Erroneous Zones, it WILL change your life. Get the audio version if you're not a reader. I can't stress the importance of this book enough.
even though it hurts, you have to deal with your emotions somehow. writing about it once isn't going to get it out of your system. often times we need to go over something more than once, if we truly want to get to the bottom of how we feel and move on.
in the spirit of another blogger with a quote, i'd like to offer one myself,
"It's always ok in the end; if it's not ok, then it's not the end."
posted by
brianne_amai
on September 7, 2007 at 8:48 PM
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Perhaps...
you are defining yourself by the divorce. The divorce is big, painful and yes it is helpful to write of it. But the you are more than the divorce. Perhaps the other parts of you are screaming out for some attention.
posted by
Azur
on September 7, 2007 at 8:37 PM
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Write Write Write
posted by
afzal50
on September 7, 2007 at 8:25 PM
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spinner
There lies the root of most of my problems, the lack of self esteem. I don't know how to develop one, specially now that it's been broken down even worse...
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 7, 2007 at 8:05 PM
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shelly.
Did it hurt you to write about it too?
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 7, 2007 at 8:04 PM
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richbitch
It's kind of hard to stop obsessing about it when it taints every minute of my life one way or another. When I receive a phone call from a creditor, when I go to bed at night alone, when I want to watch a movie and have no one to watch it with... the list goes on. I suppose in time things will get better but right now, yes I am very sad about everything.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 7, 2007 at 8:03 PM
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you have got to love your self first /spinner
posted by
spinner
on September 7, 2007 at 8:03 PM
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Re: lustorlove
its been 23 years for me and I am still bitter, some tell you to let it go, but have they really experienced it?
posted by
Lanetay
on September 7, 2007 at 7:58 PM
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Let it Go
It's over, stop obsessing about it. Enjoy every moment of your new life. I know it is hard. There is a period of adjustment and shock where you have to get used to being apart. But it is in the past and once you get over the shock, focus on the now moment and take this life you have been given and embrace every moment because the truth is you could die tomorrow (God forbid). Just imagine that it is your last day. Do you want to spend your last day on earth pining away for a love gone sour? It's your life and only you can make these choices.
I don't mean any disrespect to you. I have been there. I read your words and aid to myself OMG, that's me! Get out in nature, exercise, focus on a healthy diet, nurture yourself (whatever that is) as you pass through this tender period...and remember these words...
"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here and whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding as it should..."
posted by
richbitch
on September 7, 2007 at 7:56 PM
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Blogit has helped me get through a lot...keep writing!
posted by
shelly_b
on September 7, 2007 at 7:55 PM
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lustorlove
I guess I had a bad day today
and this whole situation is just very very very depressing.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 7, 2007 at 7:55 PM
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divorce
thats good therapy to look at all these things, a therapist would probably tell you the same thing, I come here to vent for many reasons. Dont give up
posted by
Lanetay
on September 7, 2007 at 7:54 PM
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-blackcat
I have been taking breaks between "episodes" but I guess I haven't really written anything fun. I am not that good with comedy and really, ever since I decided to write the events down, I haven't been in the mood for much fun, know what I mean? I really was trying to be positive but this story is nothing if negative.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 7, 2007 at 7:50 PM
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I just caught up on your blog... wow. I think writing about all of this
can only be good. I've found that once I let some stuff out on paper, it didn't feel like it was consuming me anymore.... but everyone is different. When you need a break, write about something else. Fun stuff sometimes helps balance the pain.
posted by
-blackcat
on September 7, 2007 at 7:46 PM
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