Comments on My first-(and possibly only)-attempt at haiku.I hope someone will tell me

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Re: Hi Chris-I don't mind being called by my Christian name, Neil. The nickname

Thank you Neil.I do understand the nick/pen name thingy.Shalommyfriendfromchris.

posted by Scramble on July 20, 2007 at 7:37 AM | link to this | reply

Re: You're welcome, Chris

Troosha-I am 'brand new' to haiku writing-so I'm just pleased that you 'offered'-thank you.No offence taken at ALL!

posted by Scramble on July 20, 2007 at 7:34 AM | link to this | reply

Hi Chris-I don't mind being called by my Christian name, Neil. The nickname

thing and changes is sometimes a matter of mood, or synching with other sites/blogs elsewhere, or to occasionally run away from one or two admirers/detractors, LOL. Looking forward to your haiku. You can always reply/comment on mine with one of your's. Really. shalomfromneil (I was not about to write anything tonight, but a haiku now, I must!)

posted by ILLUMINATI8 on July 19, 2007 at 3:52 PM | link to this | reply

You're welcome, Chris

It's always a sensitive boundary to offer advise or "reshape" someone's work so I'm glad I didn't offend.

posted by Troosha on July 19, 2007 at 3:38 PM | link to this | reply

Re: Scramble

Troosha-I meant to say I think the pic;is beautifull too>Thank you.Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 1:06 PM | link to this | reply

Re: Scramble

Hi Troosha.Thank you so much for offering your approach to my theme! I LOVE it!!!! It is so much more-'refined' is possibly the word I'm thinking of! Or-'creative' whatever-a better choice of words.I'm so pleased you 'offered' that and I accept it.I will try to be more 'artistically creative' with my words on these three liners.It runs so much more smoothly! Bless you.Bye for now-thanks again-Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 1:05 PM | link to this | reply

Re: Wonderful, Chris!

Thank you so much Teddy! Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 12:56 PM | link to this | reply

Scramble

It's a beautiful piece. I was going to give you the 5,7,5 "rule" that I'm familiar with but I see Durbin has already done that. At the risk of offering you my clumsy approach to your theme....

sunset to moon rise
stars shining brightly above
sleep holds me tightly

I hope you keep at it, Chris......

posted by Troosha on July 19, 2007 at 11:20 AM | link to this | reply

Wonderful, Chris!

posted by teddypoet_TheGoodByeFade on July 19, 2007 at 9:33 AM | link to this | reply

Re: Makes perfect sense.

Thanks very much .Dave. Does that mean there is no 'catch' to writing Haiku? Thanks for the beer-one for you also.Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 9:32 AM | link to this | reply

Re: Beautiful...short and sweet...

dark mistress-Thank you so much! I'm only learning.Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 9:30 AM | link to this | reply

Re: I don't know the rules

thank you mariaki! If you return-please read what I said to OTA and Durbin's teachings.They will give you an idea.God bless-Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 9:29 AM | link to this | reply

Re: Oooops - line 3 with the final 5 syllables to add a twist in meaning/haiku

So beautifull Neil or should I say Durbin-(I'm never quite sure)-Thank you I shall re-read-often I think.Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 9:27 AM | link to this | reply

Re: Chris, always a treat when best friends attempt haiku.This may be accepted

Hi Neil-I was rather praying you would pop in and provide some kind of explanation! Thank you so much>I only know what I read in the Writers handbook-(as I've explained to OTA.)I do believe I am not far off the mark! I shall try some more soon.Shalom from Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 9:25 AM | link to this | reply

Re: scramble

Hi Lustorlove-thanks for looking in! I am in ignorance too but I've read 'other's' haiku on here and wanted to try it-(but I think there may be a catch?Not sure if I've understood it,was trying it out.) My response to OTA-explains what I found out-(rather than repeating myself)If I've done it right-it's fun to try! God bless-Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 9:20 AM | link to this | reply

Re: I am with OTA

Hi spanish dragon-(what a lovely name.)-thanks very much! If you read my response to OTA-you will see what I found out.Bye for now-Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 9:17 AM | link to this | reply

Re: Chris - Sounds good to me. Those aren't as easy as they look to write

Thanks so much Mary! No-they are not easy and I fear there may be a 'twist 'that I don't know about yet? I think I will try some more--practice makes---well-practice needed! God bless-Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 9:15 AM | link to this | reply

Re: NAJWA-you are so lovely-thank you so much for your beautifull words

and thoughts my friend! God bless.Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 9:13 AM | link to this | reply

Re: Chris

OTA-Thank you so much! I too am ignorant and un-familiar with the rules of haiku but-I found out this much-from the Writers handbook-2003.Quote-"haiku-is a Japanese-three line poem-consisting of 17 Syllables.eg.there are 2 syllables in 'unit'.3 in 'divided'-and 1 in 'can'" So I counted up-what I had written and wrote it in order to use 17 syllables! BUT-I don't know if that's ALL there is to it? Maybe someone out there can put me right if neccessary-please? God bless-Chris.

posted by Scramble on July 19, 2007 at 9:11 AM | link to this | reply

Makes perfect sense.

posted by _dave_says_ack_ on July 19, 2007 at 4:47 AM | link to this | reply

Beautiful...short and sweet...

I can't remember the rules, but this is lovely

posted by dark_mistress on July 19, 2007 at 2:26 AM | link to this | reply

I don't know the rules

but I do know I like this

posted by mariaki on July 19, 2007 at 1:26 AM | link to this | reply

Oooops - line 3 with the final 5 syllables to add a twist in meaning/haiku

LIne 3:

"Earth, skuy - loves them all"

shalomfromNeil

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/102/365641465_d9fcbfb61d.jpg?v=1170537255

posted by ILLUMINATI8 on July 18, 2007 at 6:46 PM | link to this | reply

Chris, always a treat when best friends attempt haiku.This may be accepted

the rules you may recall from lasy years series when Dave/swftfox was active:

3 lines, influenced by Zen buddhist ideas observed in Nature. Senryu are human themes

Line 1 - 5 syllables

Line 2 - 7 syllables

Line 3 - 5 syllables, for a total of 17. Though U may use fewer than 17 syllables (modern)

EXAMPLE:
near the mountain (5

lupines and differences

posted by ILLUMINATI8 on July 18, 2007 at 6:43 PM | link to this | reply

Chris, always a treat when best friends attempt haiku.This may be accepted

the rules you may recall from lasy years series when Dave/swftfox was active:

3 lines, influenced by Zen buddhist ideas observed in Nature. Senryu are human themes

Line 1 - 5 syllables

Line 2 - 7 syllables

Line 3 - 5 syllables, for a total of 17. Though U may use fewer than 17 syllables (modern)

EXAMPLE:
near the mountain

lupines and differences

posted by ILLUMINATI8 on July 18, 2007 at 6:43 PM | link to this | reply

scramble

I really dont know the answer to this, excuse my ignorance but what is haiku?

posted by Lanetay on July 18, 2007 at 6:19 PM | link to this | reply

I am with OTA

I don't know the rules either. Sounds good though.

posted by spanish_dragon on July 18, 2007 at 6:04 PM | link to this | reply

Chris - Sounds good to me. Those aren't as easy as they look to write

are they. I think you did well.

posted by FoliageGold on July 18, 2007 at 3:40 PM | link to this | reply

YOU HAD LID CANDLE FOR THE SPACE
PEACE, LOVE IN PILLOW FROM LACE
I love your short pure words
True life and loving the LORD
God blessed you my friend,,,,,

,,,,,,,the stranger