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Cindy7
you sound like you are very committed, and I wish you success. I only have one last thought, and that is that you don't say here what it is that
you need. You say what your husband deserves, and what you are willing to do; all I'm saying is that I hope you also have a strong sense of your own needs in this, what you need from your husband so that you are able to give him that love and respect. It isn't enough to simply follow Christian teaching and say a wife must defer to her husband, that he is head of the family, without him taking that responsibility seriously. Sometimes that is forgotten, and can work to women's disadvantage. That's all, and I expect that will come out in the counselling. I wish you well.
posted by
mneme
on January 4, 2007 at 1:34 PM
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I hope things get on more of an even keel for you.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on January 4, 2007 at 9:37 AM
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mneme...
We are both in individual counseling for our own "baggage" and Rick is also dealing with his addiction issues. We meet with a couple from our Church weekly who mentor us and are going through a course called "Alpha Marriage" with us. In a couple months, we will be going to marriage counseling. We both very much want this marriage and family and are both willing to put the work in. I don't think any marriage can survive without this kind of support. I look forward to making this the best marriage it can be and treating Rick with the love and respect he requires, even when I don't feel like it. God intended marriage to be a wonderful thing and I have a wonderful man!
posted by
Cindy7
on January 4, 2007 at 9:29 AM
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cindynaz...
Rick is definitely worthy of my love, and I do value him highly and strive to put his needs before my own..that's not difficult. What is difficult is putting the past behind me. I cannot erase the pain, only move forward...which I understand will take time. I am choosing to stay and make this work and I am choosing to forgive him. The tricky part is forgetting. But, I believe time will heal all.
posted by
Cindy7
on January 4, 2007 at 9:19 AM
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Cindy7
this may be a silly question.. have you tried couples therapy? It didn't work for me, my husband doesn't seem to think he needs it (unsurprisingly we are not getting anywhere). It may show you how to communicate without pushing each other's buttons, since old habits are hard to break. Or perhaps, as it's a new year (and a Monday to boot, which is a good day for new beginnings) do you think you can both consciously "put it behind you" and move forward together? Good luck, and Happy New Year.
posted by
mneme
on January 1, 2007 at 5:58 AM
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God gives us the strength to forgive
but sometimes forgivness means moving on. I think you have to ask yourself if you love him more than you love yourself...if you value his life more than you value your own....and if the answer to these questions are yes, how will the results of this affect those around you??? Is is healthy for your family, friends and children? Or does it keep you from being the best you can be? Does it keep you from loving and trusting and being who you really are? Forgivness is a wonderful thing, just don't confuse it with 'worthiness'. Forgive him and stay because he is 'worthy' of your commitment, or forgive him and move on to someone who is. God loves us and wants us to love ourselves. He gave us guidlines for life, but he also gave us the wisdom to know when living those guidlines are a falsehood and destroying the love he wants us to have for the life he has given us.
posted by
cindynaz
on December 31, 2006 at 2:28 PM
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I hope that the new year brings you the peace of mind
and security you seek.
posted by
Julia.
on December 29, 2006 at 3:37 PM
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