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Schatz
This is the first time that I've read your blog; it won't be the last.
Your style of storytelling flows so smoothly that I whisked through your entry without stumbling once over a single word! (Though I do wish you'd give your subjects fake names instead of a single-letter abbreviation.)
That being said, I do hope that you will not give up on your friend. You sound like you would be a wonderful person for ANYONE to have in their support system. I have a very good friend who is a recovering alcoholic (dry for over 5 years). He straight-up tells me the most selfish and inconsiderate people in the world are alcoholics. Luckily for your friend, you seem to know this and accept her for what she is.
posted by
Joe_Love
on November 26, 2006 at 4:02 PM
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I'm glad to hear that you're able to deal with things, and given yourself
some peace with it. I, too, spent years in AA, and even now, when times are bad, I battle the ugly person I am when I drink too much. I have had to give up shitfaced nights, too.... I find I don't really like them as much as I thought I did. I have given up smoking pot, and am always trying to quit smoking. I wish people would stop buying me alcohol. Everywhere I go it seems like someone is offering me a drink. It's funny, but it seems that it makes people very uncomfortable that I don't want to drink. I guess it's hard to see someone else change, while you stay the same.
I wasn't trying to be preachy or judgemental, I just feel like maybe I am the last thing keeping her from hitting her 'bottom' by padding the fall, I guess to me it means time to withdraw my support, just not my love or my compassion. I won't drink with her anymore, and that is my first concrete step to changing things.
posted by
Schatz
on November 19, 2006 at 1:09 PM
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i wasn't trying to make light of it
i am an alcoholic and i tried to quit - went to AA and everything. therapy really helped me but i still can't stop - i have just slowed down. i gave up cigarettes, weed and constant shopping - but i still like my beer and wine - i just don't get shit-faced all of the time and i certainly don't drive drunk. my kids worry about me and i have had a few incidents like you did and it hurt. but one must admit to it first - then work from there.
posted by
ladychardonnay
on November 19, 2006 at 12:39 PM
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Lady, I wish it were as simple as that. I don't think you can be in a
relationship for twenty years with someone and be okay with watching them die. It's not about reforming bad behavior, it is about the grim reality that alcoholism first destroys your friendships and then your body and mind until it makes you insane or kills you. I haven't any desire to stand by and watch that happen to any of my friends. It's not about me, it's about the big picture. She's killing herself and destroying her family. I don't want any part of that. Thanks for coming by.
posted by
Schatz
on November 19, 2006 at 12:35 PM
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Good advice Blanche, I did it today with my best friend. It was sweet
relief to just sit and talk and blow off steam while sharing a spinach feta omelette. I think we're going to try and make it our regular Sunday morning thing. It was good.
posted by
Schatz
on November 19, 2006 at 12:32 PM
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Thanks afzal. Nice to see you here.
posted by
Schatz
on November 19, 2006 at 12:30 PM
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Jems, I sent them. I hope they helped. It's always good to have the facts
in an emotional situation, even though they don't alleviate the pain.
posted by
Schatz
on November 19, 2006 at 12:30 PM
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nobody wants to hear the truth
i say - die your own slow death the way you want to -spin the wheel and pick your poison. i have tried to reform my slutty friend sue - it won't happen. just be a good listener.
posted by
ladychardonnay
on November 17, 2006 at 6:38 PM
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Schatz, take a mental health day, like I did and a break. It helps.
posted by
Blanche.
on November 17, 2006 at 6:27 PM
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Good post.
posted by
afzal50
on November 17, 2006 at 5:32 PM
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Can you send me links to the articles you mentioned in this post?
I kept having flashbacks as I read this--of my own mother's alcoholism. I'd like to read the articles you mentioned to see if they might be ones I could send to my mother. I am especially interested in the article you sent to your friend along with your email.
I have already told my mother that I cannot stand to sit around and watch her kill herself with driking and smoking, and that for my own sanity I must distance myself from her. But I am weak. I let her back into my life without her having changed.
And that hurts.
posted by
Jemmie211
on November 17, 2006 at 5:17 PM
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