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Thanks, Sunny
Like I said, as irrational as I know his views were, it still really hurts me the awful, awful things he said to me under the name of Proper Manners. No one should be treated that way.
posted by
terpgirl30
on October 7, 2006 at 10:38 AM
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Afzal
My night couldn't have been anything other than nice, after our talk last night. Thank you so much for spending the time with me. It really means a lot to me, you know this.
Have a nice trip, my love. I will be missing you every moment, you know this. I will wait for your call. Take Care. My love is with you.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on October 7, 2006 at 7:16 AM
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Sunny , good morning .Thanks for your nice comment.
I hope you had a lovely night . I shall be leaving just after half an hour to the station to take my train . I will miss you so much .I will always have my heart here on Blogit . Have a nice day . I wish you all the best . I shall talk to you whenever I get the line .
posted by
afzal50
on October 7, 2006 at 7:07 AM
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terpgirl
Good comment. What an idiot your ex and his mother must have been. Some people are just so full of themselves.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on October 7, 2006 at 7:04 AM
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afzal
This is a very good post. I'm one of those people who have eaten on the road. Ut oh! 
I think this depends a lot on the circumstances. Here things are very relaxed in home life. People don't actually eat at the table as much as they used too.
When it comes to having guests, unless you have specifically invited them for a meal, it is not necessary to offer anything, except maybe something to drink if they will be there for a while.
However, with some guests who outstay their welcome into a meal period, some will offer for them to eat with them, just as a common curtesy.
Arranged dinner parties, like with the higher class, like with one's boss or clients and such is a different matter, and much less casual. Then the rules of etiquette come into play.
Buffet style dining is very popular here, from everything like weddings, graduation parties, etc. to eating dinner in restaurants.
Good Evening, my love.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on October 7, 2006 at 6:52 AM
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terpgirl30, a nice and exhaustive comment .Thanks.
posted by
afzal50
on October 7, 2006 at 4:34 AM
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I have pretty strong views on this that probably don't match others.
My spouse, soon to be ex, preached etiquette all the time to me--not to me directly---but gave his views on what it was. HIs opinion was about as warped a view of etiquette as any i"ve ever seen. I think that's why I'm so strong in my views. He started out with table manner which seemed about normal. He had gotten them from his mother, he says. He didn't like a whole litany of things. He really looked down on people whom he said did a whole host of things she viewed as being bad etiquette.
The fact is, the more I learned of the mother ( who died an untimelly death so she was put on a weird pedestal), I found that she had absolutelly no etiquette by my stanards or ayone else's. She actually stuck a fork in the back of a child's hand reaching across the table for food ---as opposed to asking someone to pass the food. She didn't bother to politely (and privately) explain the rules to thsis small child. When you heard stories of her behavior---loud belching and dropping food on herself, it made me aggravated that OTHER's were polite to her. Her view, and the view of the ex to be were that there are people who are not as cultured as they are, so they had the right to publicly humiliate anyone who offended them. If you looked at her house (filthy from top to bottom) and her famous table manners which were non exisitent except in her mind, you get a real different picture.
My ex said on a regular basis that there were people he knew he was better than. (Not that he thought this---but that there were inferior people to him and his family). He got this this from Mommy Dearest. He looked at people whom he deemed had a lack of etiquette as inferior people---and he'd name names...loudly.
When I met him he told me I was one of the daintest people he had ever met. A month after he married me, he was backing me into corners, shrieking that I was an embarrassment to be around. I don't have the greatest opinion of myself, but even I knew it was a power play, a control mechanism. He terrorirized us so bad at the dinner table, that I often walked away from the table, unable to eat. My son was developing ulcers. I assure you, my so and I understand etiquette. This was an abusiive, controlling thing. This is a guy who fed dogs from a fork at the dinner table and passed gas while you were eating and belched, mind you. (The latter two make me physically iil)
It honed my sense of etiquette even more, I think. This guy corrected guests in his home. He corrected people out at restaurants and ridiculed them.
I think there are people who are in need of etiquette---mainly in the form of saying "thank you" and "please"---and meaning it. I think the highest form of etiquette is that when you have guests into your home, you make them feel at home. You never, never embarrass or humiliate them. If I have a close friend who does something the public views as bad etiquette, I take them aside privately and tell them ---but only if they are being held up to ridicule.
So, although I know the proper forks, the things to say in polite society, how to keep my napkin, etc., my main opinion has nothing to do with any of this. When you invite someone into your home, or have someone as a guest, it is your duty to make that person feel at home and make sure that his experience is pleasant. I've even read of one very famous person who had guests who didn't know a particular "rule" of society. Rather than humiliate them, she did the same. All had a great time. The worst etiquette is to point out bad etiquette to a person in publlc or in your home as if to correct----and I'm speaking of adults. That's rude beyond all reason..
A refined person makes someone feel comfortable, at home. If you want to show someone etiquette, you do it quietly. I reach for my napkin and place it where it should go at the table for example. i don't announce that a person must have been raised by wolves because that person hasn't been taught. Your actions should be your guide.
You get that I have really, really strong opinions on this. You show poeple how to do the right thing by doign the right thing yourself---without a public display or by chastizing. You teach someone to be kind by being kind. I think it's quite that simple. It's never supposed to be a "Look at me, I'm better than you!!!" thing. That's bad etiquette.
Sorry, I went a bit wild on this one. It's close to my heart, and something I feel is lacking in too many people. It's not about how you dress for dinner; it's how embraced your invited guests feel at dinner. It's an overall attitude: I am better than no one, and no one is better than me.
posted by
terpgirl30
on October 7, 2006 at 3:40 AM
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