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Notapoet, that's what I'll be teaching my son
posted by
SuccessWarrior
on October 7, 2006 at 11:05 PM
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Re: bullies
I found it to be true that standing up to bullies usually ends the problem. Not allowing yourself to be victimized makes it to much trouble for them to continue bothering you. Of course it helped that I won each of those confrontations. That's why I taught my son to defend himself, along with the admonition that I never wanted to learn that he had started a fight or engaged in a tussle that could have been avoided.
posted by
notapoet
on October 7, 2006 at 8:34 PM
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I'm familiar with these concepts.
Trying to teach them in the short amount of time that I am allotted is the hard part.
One thing that I have really tried to stress is that actions are more important than words. If the guy is calling the legitimacy of your birth into question but is doing exactly what you want, let him talk. He's saving face while complying. Go with it.
posted by
SuccessWarrior
on October 4, 2006 at 10:30 AM
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mysteria
Thanks.
posted by
Talion
on October 4, 2006 at 10:08 AM
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SuccessWarrior
It's really delicate and depends on a person's instincts.
I've learned that in these situations if violence doesn't break out immediately, nobody really wants it. I offer the other guy an "escape route" as soon as possible. He might need time to think about it. Speak in a calm voice without yelling. Make suggestions instead of demands and never, ever give an "or else" ultimatum. Keep your pride in check and let the other guy have the last word. Most important is the unspoken body language. No fear. I know this is rather vague, but you get the idea. I'm sure you know all this already anyway.
posted by
Talion
on October 4, 2006 at 10:07 AM
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Thanks Mysteria!
posted by
SuccessWarrior
on October 4, 2006 at 9:48 AM
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Talion
U R 2 good 4 the UN :)
posted by
mysteria
on October 4, 2006 at 9:47 AM
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HI Sussex Warrior
You are so nice and well, special and a million other cool adjectives! (i'm on light-duty cause of tendonitis-oww-typing no-no)
Thanks for sharing your nice-it-ties with me :)
posted by
mysteria
on October 4, 2006 at 9:46 AM
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Talion, I agree.
To stand your ground and allow the other person to save face is a skill that many just don't possess. Now that I'm in charge of training for the security departments of 3 casinos, I'm trying to teach it but I'm missing something. Maybe you just need real life lessons.
posted by
SuccessWarrior
on October 4, 2006 at 9:21 AM
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SuccessWarrior
When I was a kid, I got into a few scrapes. Some bothered me to the point where slugging them was the only way of making them stop. It's almost ridiculous to think violence is the only language some can comprehend. Throughout my twenties, I avoided physical confrontations because of the potential for deadly force. The morgue or prison were two places I knew my folks didn't want to ever see me. Diplomacy was my weapon of choice. Figuring out how to get out of a potentially ugly situation without obviously backing down or forcing the other guy to back down is the epitome of performing without a net. Hell, I should get a job with the U.N.
posted by
Talion
on October 4, 2006 at 8:41 AM
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