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afzal
http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/Sunnybeach75332/401957 
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 31, 2006 at 6:39 AM
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Shamsuddin jim, You got my point ,thanks.
posted by
afzal50
on August 31, 2006 at 6:33 AM
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Never act condecending toward your spouse
or they will see your true feelings
posted by
Shams-i-Heartsong
on August 31, 2006 at 1:57 AM
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Sweetheart... I really enjoyed our talk.
We can talk more on this subject and the other one's we were discussing when you return.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 30, 2006 at 11:26 PM
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afzal50
you just keep thinking that way, but I am not the enemy here I am just pointing out a fact that many bloggers also point out to you. You are a grown up man act like one, this is the most you have stood up for yourself in a long time, keep it up
posted by
Lanetay
on August 30, 2006 at 11:22 PM
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lustorlove , I think you must not dishonour or disrespect a friend to that
extent, thanks for participating in this controversial topic . I shall return after 6 hours from now and then you can also return with your scathing remarks as usual to prove your enemity.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 11:16 PM
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afzal50
you have been seeking someone to help you with your sad life, we all have sad lives, but its not a good trait to hide behind a skirt
posted by
Lanetay
on August 30, 2006 at 11:10 PM
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afzal50
its just that many bloggers are tired of you and Sunny, there wasnt this kind of disputes going on when you were seeking me out as we kept it quiet and just friends, she calls me controlling but I think she puts a title me for her own weaknesses.
posted by
Lanetay
on August 30, 2006 at 11:08 PM
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OFFBEATS, I have found Sunny to be a true friend ,she has always
come forward to help me in my time of trouble atleast from the time I know her from Blogit. I think all the bloggers are very nice here . Ofcourse , you are also very good and kind .Thanks for participating in this open and healthy discussion .
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 11:04 PM
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Well if you believe that's what a true friend does is speak for you, than I have to ask you if you have ever really had a true friend....cause that is NOT what they do...
posted by
Offy
on August 30, 2006 at 10:48 PM
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terpgirl30 and lustorlove, thanks for this lovely debate and discussion.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 10:48 PM
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afzal50
you do speak well and you do make sense when you decide to stand up for yourself, you two may think she is a friend but she is sitting there just waiting to be the first one to talk for you.
posted by
Lanetay
on August 30, 2006 at 10:36 PM
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Afzal
I do appreciate that you took my last comment as I meant it. There is a spirit of debate here.
posted by
terpgirl30
on August 30, 2006 at 10:35 PM
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OFFBEATS, I said that I do not mind any body giving a critical look to
my post but I do object to anyone attacking me personally for no direct reason to act in that particular manner.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 10:34 PM
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Sunny is doing all that a true friend does . How many years will you
take to forgive me and stop harassing sunny because of me. I am an imaginery person from a far away land , why fight over me . Lilane, I have great regards for you plz. don't let me think otherwise . Thanks.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 10:30 PM
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Actually terpidgirl30 is right. I have watched this man hit on two women and one man, all in one month. I think if your miserable AFZAL then you should get out of your marriage...Of course we also do not know if Mrs AFZAL would feel the same about it.....she probably doesn't even know. So when you ask questions like you do, be prepared to hear some critical replies. Blogit is a writers forum...not a chat room~
posted by
Offy
on August 30, 2006 at 10:27 PM
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terpgirl 30, thanks.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 10:25 PM
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you and Sunny give love a whole total meaning. She sits there like a bird dog waiting to attack the first person who tells you how they feel. You are a man act like one. No one knows you like you, I am being a friend advising you to do this
posted by
Lanetay
on August 30, 2006 at 10:23 PM
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She says, reaching for a bib for a grown man. That's disrespectful
Again, Afzal spoke very well for himself, and I respect that. I found his comments enlightening and in answer to what I'd said. I will gladly not respond to other things if he wishes. I had found his questions thought provoking when I first saw his blog, and that's why I answered. That's sort of the point of this place.
posted by
terpgirl30
on August 30, 2006 at 10:21 PM
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terpgirl30
I'm not reading all this crap. This is not YOUR post or comment section. Your very welcome to see your way out.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 30, 2006 at 10:08 PM
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Sunny; Afzal
Oh, Snap, girlfriend.
I'm not in the middle of the whatever this is. You and Afzal have put the entire Blogit world into the middle of it. How many people have used the phrase "get a room" to you? How many people have asked you to tone it down, politely? Your comments scroll in very public places. The viewing public can't miss it.
Afzal is a grown man. He answered here all by himself quite well. He can do it. You're treating him like he's incompetent and unable to answer for himself. He did just fine, and with a very decent opinion, backed up instead of pithy statements that mean nothing. He obviously read it and thought about it. The way you answered for him, you made a grown man look like he can't cut his own meat at dinner. That's part of the FIXER comment I was making.
---
Afzal, the finer point I was making is that you are obviously, tremendously frustrated, lonely, etc. No one would debate that. If you want to rant and shout from the rafters that you are unhappy, yes, do it. To declare thath you need to feel love and even that you see the light at the end of the tunnel with it (having given up on it...) that makes sense, too.
Maybe it is, as you say, an insecurity, in that you keep posing things as questions and looking for validation. Please go back and simply read the titles of some of your things. You have the answers to your questions already. If you just want to vent, that's fine. Everyone here does it at one point or another.
When you ask things as a question, you invite answers/opinions. I have answered several things early on thinking your were asking general things when you are obviously going through a lot of angst and are almost thinking through all of your stuff out loud on paper.
Even if you had prefaced this stuff with "This is what I'm going through...what would you do in this situation..." or "This is how I'm seeing things. Am I missing something?"
THEN, be prepared for the answers. And don't be upset if people are disagreeing with you on serious philosphical grounds. You have opened the floor to HUGE philosphical questions.
posted by
terpgirl30
on August 30, 2006 at 10:05 PM
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afzal50
I was your friend and you turned that to shambles and you are not a man if you let someone defend you over and over again and most of Blogit find you and SWEETI sickening, that is what you might call puck
posted by
Lanetay
on August 30, 2006 at 9:58 PM
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afzal
Did you send the link for chat?
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 30, 2006 at 9:54 PM
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lustorlove , Sweetie is not my mouth piece but a true friend which
you failed to be,and now you are trying to be enemy for no wrong of mine . I have not stolen or damaged your property . I have not shown any disrespect to you . In fact I have always held you in high esteem .Plz just drop this issue and be good friend. Thanks.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 9:52 PM
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I am sorry but I strongly disagree
While I am sure you mean well, my advice would be this: If you are involved with anyone this insecure; GET OUT NOW!
posted by
bel_1965
on August 30, 2006 at 9:52 PM
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terpgirl30
Like I said...you have no idea what your talking about. The relationship is between me and afzal....now how you feel like you know it all and somehow fit into the middle of it is beyond me.
Go get a boyfriend and have something to do besides criticizing others.
BTW...I know what hypocritical means....you obviously do not, since you don't get it.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 30, 2006 at 9:45 PM
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afzal50
why would you thank a woman for defending you, that is what you should be doing she cant answer for you. Keep up the guts and do your own talking
posted by
Lanetay
on August 30, 2006 at 9:43 PM
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afzal50
I am happy you do express yourself without your mouth piece thats a switch
posted by
Lanetay
on August 30, 2006 at 9:41 PM
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Sweetie, I must thank you once again for taking the trouble to
come forward in my defense . I know , you don't like any body criticising me but this world is full of abnormalities you can't stop it . I am really grateful to you for your impartial and selfless comments.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 9:39 PM
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Sunny, And I knew that's how it would go
Don't use big words you don't understand. Capitalizing doesn't help your cause. A dictionary would. That you don't agree with something doesn't make a point hypocritical. You/he can say whatever you want. If your own words contradict, it's a lie. Why be surprised when someone calls you on it. Again, it's the whole Romeo and Juliet thing. Heavy sigh, heavy sigh. I'm getting the vapors. Act the drama queen. Go ahead and puke. The rest of us have been there/done that with this already.
You're proving my point. Declarations and rantings are fine, but the stuff keeps getting posed as questions and opinions and they're neither...so if someone disagrees or says, no, I think you're wrong, the Fixer jumps in.
As for the culture, you don't know me, so you don't know what I understand and know. Fact is, I do know.
I also know that someone who asks very innocently how to stop a spouse from thinking he's maybe/possibly talking to seeing/someone else is running a game or living in denial. Then, I live in the real world.
I have done things, I have seen things...but I don't call them by another name. He's tormented, and that's evident. To put out stuff as advice because he doesn't know how to deal with it is silly. If he's asking real questions, he needs to expect real answers. I was very clear in the point that if you all just want people to go "Way to go team" "You're right" just say so. Don't ask very prophetic questions as if they are legitimate.
posted by
terpgirl30
on August 30, 2006 at 9:36 PM
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terpgirl30, I am not only sruprised but also shocked to see you comment
on a piece of writing on a personal level . You may be a reporter but that does not give you the right to act stupid. You could have just answered or avoided making any comment instead of directing a remark on my personal life . My writing is just about life and its bitter realities and it should be taken simply as a piece of thought and not an advise of a moralist or immoralist . With all due respect to a lady I have always had great respect and regard for ladies which you will find in my other posts. I do not know how this piece of posts has enraged you so much and caused you to loose your cool .Anyway , I am sorry if I have directly or indirectly hurt you for any reason not understanding your complex. Thanks, I do not block any body because I believe in free thinking and not imposing my own belief and thought on others. Have a nice time .
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 9:36 PM
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terpgirl30
Your a complete hypocrite babe! Let me say it again...HYPOCRITE.
Don't tell azfal what he can and can not post in his own comment section.
For you to try to tell him it's sickning for him to post words of love, but you feel it's quite alright for you to post this trash you just posted....is hypocritical.
I'm getting tired of the negativity....If I see one more negative remark out of your mouth, I'm gonna puke. How's that?
And don't go pretending that you know what his culture is when you don't. Now get over yourself.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 30, 2006 at 9:18 PM
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This isn't the comment I was going to make. It is just
a small point as you've made this clear that you meant this to be serious...or that it is a reflection of your life.
Your notation of (c):...don't come home too early or too late because the spouse will accuse you of hanky panky with someone.
A few days ago, you posed another question that AGAIN, was based on your own life as it turns out. You wrote, what would you do if your spouse is always insinuating/assuming, etc. that you are having an affair or the like. Shelly answered that post with a fairly firm "DUDE" are you kidding? answer.
Well, here you go again.
DUDE!!! YOU ARE CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE. You've hit on at least two people here and are being quite open with a very larger-than-life emotional affair. That you are doing it from afar and keeping it in Romeo and Juliet desparation mode, doesn't take the onus off of it. It is what it is.
If you want to rant, or need to vent, that's great. State it as such. Don't pose legitimate questions to people when you really, really don't want the answer. Also, you're giving advice on how NOT to act. Again, you're cheating on your wife. I would pose that "how not to act" is to act morally superior when you just want out.
Whether or not I understand the whole story is completely irrelevant. I promise you, promise you Afzal, I can match the pity you are feeling story for story for despairing story. People always tell me they don't know how I seem as happy as I do. The fact is, I don't know anyone who doesn't have a horror story in his or her past or present. So if you need to vent, it's very understandable, but don't look to put all of this under the "my wife doesn't understand me, so it's okay that I pick up women on the Internet." I don't know how common it is in India, but in the U.S. guys have been flipping the "my wife doesn't understand me" line on people for years.
As for the inferiority complex....what inferiority complex? Or stealing Shelly's word once more---DUDE!!! Again, you've tried to pick up AT LEAST two women in the space of a month. And let me tell you, as a reporter, I don't throw a statement or question out there, unless I've gotten the answer to it somewhere in writing. A guy who hits on two totally unknown women inside of a month of one another in the very familiar and public terms you have, is playing the INFERIOR CARD, and that's pathetic.
Again, I don't know about women in your country, but women here are notorious for their need to "FIX" guys. You are saying and doing all the right things, and I'm sure you know that. You do it because it's working for you.
Well, since I'm this far, you gave an a, b, c of advice for the married. Let me add the (d). If you are a married guy, and you get on the Internet day after day, hour after hour, professing feelings for others, and insisting that you are not treated properly by your spouse and your marital life is a sham, then you shouldn't leave your writing out for said spouse to find lest she realize that she has been wasting many years with you as well. If you are wanting her to get all this so she'll have to tell you to hit the road, that's cowardly.
In law enforcement there is a complicated process called suicide by police officer. It's when a criminal pulls a gun on a cop, more or less forcing the cop to shoot him. The person doesn't have the guts to pull the trigger on himself. He makes the innocent cop take responsibility for taking a life.
You are an adult. If you are unhappy with your spouse, the only person who has control over that is you. You are stealing minutes, hours and years out of this person's life. You have no right to do that. Over and over, you are cheating on your wife regardless of the miles you are physically separated from the object of your desires. Don't take the moral high ground, and don't be giving advice on marriage to anyone.
Don't bother blocking me, I'm doing it already. If I see one more sweetie message pop over the front page of Blogit, I'll die of sugar poisoning.
posted by
terpgirl30
on August 30, 2006 at 9:05 PM
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Sweetie, it is just the result of infiriority and insecurity complex which
you can't help .Anyway , you have gone into the depth my post. Thanks.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 8:13 PM
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lustorlove , thanks for opening my eyes.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 8:10 PM
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terpgirl30, Humour does contain some bitter realities of life . Thanks.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 8:09 PM
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afzal
In all seriousness...if someone has to endure these things, they are in an abusive relationship, and need to either make the person stop the abuse, or get out of the relationship.
a.) Early in my relationship with my son's father, I experienced the "problem" with happiness. I couldn't appear happy, because if I did, then obviously it was because I was thinking about someone else, or I was thinking bad things about him. That's how a warped mind works. So I learned not to be happy around him for awhile. It wasn't that hard anyway. Then later in the relationship, after he calmed down a bit, and stopped being so insecure, it became "ok" for me to be happy. But then, it wasn't. Because for him to see me happy, and assuming I was in a good mood, somehow that made him think he could pressure me into sex again. So I learned again, not to bother being in a good mood, because he would just destroy it.
b.) Unless someone hurts me, really, really deeply, I find it very hard to cry, because of the conditioning I was raised with as a child. Anyway, if you have to cry in a relationship and the person is anything other than sympathetic towards you, there is going to be big, big problems. One being that the person doesn't care about your feelings, two being that it would seem that they think everything is about them.
c.) Something like that stems from insecurity and lack of trust. Another example..in the early stages of my relationship with my son's father....He was not content to allow me to go to work by myself. He had to take me to work and be there when I got off, he had to know what I was doing every minute of the day.
I don't know why, because he never believed the truth anyway.
Well....I think that's nough said.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 30, 2006 at 7:55 PM
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terpgirl30
go for it
posted by
Lanetay
on August 30, 2006 at 7:31 PM
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married bloggers
Just be natural if thats not enough then maybe you arent in the right marriage
posted by
Lanetay
on August 30, 2006 at 7:30 PM
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Was this meant to be funny?
Never mind. I've typed out three or four replies if this was meant to be a serious observance...but none of my opinions will sit well with you. I just hope it was an attempt at humor. If it was, then you hit the mark.
posted by
terpgirl30
on August 30, 2006 at 7:28 PM
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afzal
LOL! Well, I will if your connection works
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 30, 2006 at 6:42 PM
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Let's hope it not as bad as last night . Have a nice time.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 6:38 PM
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afzal
I hope your connection is works well tonight, love
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 30, 2006 at 6:28 PM
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I think you are right . Thanks. I shall return after three hours and hope
my office internet connection doesn't fail again like last night.
posted by
afzal50
on August 30, 2006 at 6:22 PM
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afzal
d.) Never allow someone to crush your heart, it will only make you resent them.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 30, 2006 at 6:16 PM
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