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Just do your best for them ...
... and don't beat yourself up no matter what happens.
I had a friend who was manic-depressive. He lived several hundred miles away from him. I visited him occasionally and tried to help him in whatever way I could (such as buying him and families groceries, as he had maxed out several credit cards to the tune of 80,000 at 18% interest -- and he wasn't evern working at the time!). But every time I saw him, he was evern worse.
One day I got a call telling me that he had got up in the early morning and shot and killed his elderly parents, his wife, and himself. You always ask, "What could I have done?" but I know there is nothing I could have done that would have made a difference. Had I been there at that moment, perhaps I could have intervened to stop him that one time, but given his apparent state of mind, he probably would have killed me, too. In my sleep.
You want to help your friend. I'm confident you will find ways to do that. You are helping now. So just do what you can and don't agonize wondering what else you might be doing.
- Steev
posted by
Steev
on September 4, 2003 at 9:05 PM
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My own personal experiences
I'd often ask for help by telling people my appetite was reduced. Nobody heard, unfortunately. One doctor had the gall to order me to eat the prescribed diet exactly as prescribed; had he been listening adequately, he would have been able to catch my bipolar years before I finally got it diagnosed right. Ooh - I get so angry at "professionals" like that....
posted by
kidnykid
on September 3, 2003 at 3:00 PM
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Beachbelle
If there is one thing I pride myself on, it's being a good friend. My best friend knows that she can call me day or night. I am always there when she needs me to be. And if I don't hear for her for more than 24 hours, I call her myself.
This past weekend I wasn't planning on spending a couple hundred dollars to go to Maui, but my friend needed me, so I did. That's just how I am.
My friends come first--no matter what.
posted by
Jemmie211
on September 2, 2003 at 5:00 PM
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The other thing Jemmie is to listen carefully to your friend
as it sounds like she is already asking for help -even it is in a screwed up way. If you do set out to seek help for you friend - stay on the case consistently - demand follow-up - until you see progress.
I base this on experience of one of my oldest friends.
Many years ago, my friend's sister was in hospital after attempting to commit suicide. A psychiatrist came around to see her and only stayed a few minutes before moving on . My friend's sister told my friend how this nice doctor had been to see her and she wanted to talk to them but the doctor had left.
A few weeks later her sister did commit suicide and my friend wished she had listened and chased up that doctor and wondered whether it would have made a difference. Who is to say? - Maybe her mind was made up and it might have been impossible to change. On the other hand my friend was there for her sister and did as much as anyone would do and she had to learn to live with things as they are.
posted by
beachbelle
on September 2, 2003 at 4:10 PM
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