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As I traveresed themany pages of your blog
I found you have so much poetry posted. I will have to come back and take the time to read them all. I love the poetry on this site. Some quick, some deep, some funny and sensual. I will be back.
posted by
1TimeSoldier
on March 15, 2007 at 3:59 AM
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Oh, and
that comment was responding to muser - sorry....
posted by
mneme
on March 29, 2006 at 1:16 AM
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You are right
in some ways, but EW was writing in a time when women's options were fewer and society's expectations more restrictive. They are not absolutely different today, although our generation is probably the last where women will acquiesce; my daughter's generation expects equality all the way, be it child care, housework or career. Things got worse for us as time went by and my husband got older and more dogmatic; I got tired of it and less able to accommodate.. and here we are. People do change, of course; I had reached the end of my tether and I am reassessing things - I hope not on the edge of eternity. It sounds overly dramatic.. nevertheless I am told that "we don't have problems" unless I have an issue with something. So at the moment, I am keeping quiet - except here:)
posted by
mneme
on March 29, 2006 at 1:15 AM
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mneme, you have opened a new world of reading for me. I did not
know of E.W. The story you suggested I read, "The Fullness of Time" was lush in its description of one ethereal scene after another. I was drawn immediately into the story. I read it several times, but each time I read it...something kept nagging at me. Then I realized what it was...as beautifully written as the story is...I don't agree with the premise of it at all.
I see a big difference between one's willingness to lay down his life for his brother...and putting another's happiness before her own for all of eternity. I do not think God requires that of us. It's not a matter of which one deserves...it's not a matter of eenie, meenie, mienie, mo ...happiness left to chance, it's not a repeat of the story of a certain little red hen... Neither do I see the one's willingness to trade her own happiness for another's as particularly magnanimous...especially when that other is so selfish to allow her act of sacrifice when there is no appreciation of it. I see the willingness to allow love to die so another can maintain his status quo, not as an unselfish act, but as a gross misunderstanding of what unselfishness is. When one realizes, I think, the meaning of the Golden Rule...that we must first love ourselves before we can know how to truly love another...how could the wife be anything other than remiss in her thinking... that by living out eternal life sans love so her husband could continue on in his selfish oblivion to her sacrificial suffering... that she loves herself or that she really loves her husband by allowing him to believe his behavior is acceptable?
posted by
muser
on March 28, 2006 at 11:41 PM
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Dear Muser
I noticed..:) I read your poem, and I'm glad to oblige. I'll post a comment there. I wonder have you ever read Edith Wharton's "
The Fulness of Life" ? The full text is on line - let me know what you think.
posted by
mneme
on March 27, 2006 at 10:08 PM
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You are still married and being miserable is very sad. Those books I
mentioned are only useful if you want them to be. I must clarify one thing. The Bible is not about being a submissive doormat. Many men (and women) misread the Bible's teaching about submission. Yes, a wife is to be submissive to her husband, but it also clearly states a husband must treat a wife like Christ treated the church. She is to be the most important thing in the world.......I wish and pray for only the best life has to offer for you and your hubby...
posted by
meeshe4
on March 27, 2006 at 7:23 PM
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mneme, you will find on Blogit.com people like me who are just plain
verbose! I started to write another comment responding to your last two or three comments when old feelings I thought were dead and gone came flooding back with such intensity, I was astounded. First off, I feel like I could have written much of what you have; secondly you sound like I sound to myself...I see my writing style in yours.
O.K. I've done it again. ..so many words to say your post and comments have brought back to me old, painful emotions I thought I had put away forever in the attic of my mind. Your writing inspired within me a poem...thank you...not for the memories, but that I was able to write them out this time, and put them to rest.
posted by
muser
on March 27, 2006 at 7:05 PM
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meeshe4
I forgot to say - I agree. Gifts are not important; but knowing when to be thoughtful is. For me it has always been about consideration; I am not a princess or a demanding wife. I don't own a lot of jewellery or have a designer wardrobe, because that's not important. It's not about the flowers; it's about consideration. Suddenly, I do matter... but there are huge extremes between one Saturday and the next. That's why I'm tired.
posted by
mneme
on March 27, 2006 at 12:16 AM
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Dear Muser
No, I'm not complacent... just wondering about things. Do I have it in me to continue this relationship? He cannot see that I have good reasons for feeling the way I do. All he can see - after a considerable time has passed - is that I met someone who I thought could make me happy. I didn't leave. But that doesn't mean I haven't wanted to, for many years. I always thought he would one day leave me; God knows he brought up the D-word often enough. Different when I do. I am more calm (today) than my reflections might have suggested; I have to work it out and I will one day.
posted by
mneme
on March 26, 2006 at 11:48 PM
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meeshe4
Yes he had been drinking. And I'm sure there are no answers to be found in books. Not even the Bible, since it insists a wife be submissive, and that's one thing I am not. It isn't about the flowers, not really.
posted by
mneme
on March 26, 2006 at 11:35 PM
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Dear mneme...grown up?...or grown weary, and complacent? It is not a good
place to be where love is not...
posted by
muser
on March 26, 2006 at 1:14 PM
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Ooops...I meant to say, "Was he drinking?"
posted by
meeshe4
on March 26, 2006 at 4:52 AM
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I didn't understand the asking you to leave and then, not remembering?
Was he drining? I have had 4 children and my husband did not buy me flowers for any of them. But, there is a difference, I didn't want any and my husband knows that gifts are not my, "Love language." There is a book by that name written byGary Chapman. It is a wonderful, easy read. Please read this book. It might help you understand that your husband probably just did not think to buy you flowers. Buying flowers now after 29years is possibly his way of finally understanding that this is what you needed. I am praying for you! (PS..Gary Chapman wrote another book entitled, "What season is your marriage in?" both are very helpful and could possible save your marriage.)
posted by
meeshe4
on March 26, 2006 at 4:51 AM
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To BlackPearl1, and Muser
You both got it, from just those few words that I wrote. So did the other kind writers who took the trouble to post a comment. I am beginning to wonder now whether I should have been so honest... all the time I am told, things must be put in context. He never gets it. It doesn't mean he's all bad - just... I don't know how to explain it. I'll figure it out one day..:)
posted by
mneme
on March 25, 2006 at 7:46 PM
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Dear Muser
You are spot-on with your comments..... I've reached a certain age...:) Perhaps I've just grown up.
posted by
mneme
on March 25, 2006 at 7:40 PM
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okie
thank you..:) I never really expected anyone to read this, and it's nice that some of you have.
posted by
mneme
on March 25, 2006 at 7:35 PM
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to sassyass
Thank you for your thoughts.. but I am not looking for sympathy. Just being objective, and trying to unravel a lot of things...things on my mind before going to sleep - you know how it goes....thanks anyway.
posted by
mneme
on March 25, 2006 at 7:32 PM
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Hugs
Just thought you could use some ...
posted by
Okie
on March 25, 2006 at 7:13 AM
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This brings back memories...I received a box of roses... once...years ago
now. They were delivered to my workplace. The box itself was beauiful... a long white box covered in a beautiful white paper with a subtle sheen. The box was tied closed with a deep forest green gossamer ribbon. I stood at the counter looking down at it. I thought of all the times I had come into this office, and seen a box or a vase of roses...and had wondered if maybe...maybe they were for me. There had been a time when I was younger, and still hopeful for romance in my life, when finding I had been sent roses would have thrilled every fiber of my being. I had become so jaded by that day...that I didn't even want to open the box. I asked the secretary to give it to an aquaintance whom I knew was having some personal problems. I asked that she simply tell the woman they were from a sympathetic friend. The office secretary opened the box thinking I would change my mind. I glanced at the contents. "Please do as I requested with the roses.", I asked. I removed the card, read it, and put it in my pocket. I turned to walk away. The secretary , whom I had known for many years, couldn't restrain her curiosity..."What did the card say?" she blurted out. I turned and looked at her, a tear rolling down my cheek, and said, "It doesn't matter. It's just too little...too late."
I think I know what you are feeling. I was married twenty+ years also...and I did not get flowers when our first child was born...too expensive.
Too little...too late...
posted by
muser
on March 25, 2006 at 7:08 AM
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mneme,
I'm moved by your story. Twenty-nine years is a long time. I hope staying in it this long is worth all that you seem to have endured in that time. Take care of you, too. :)
posted by
BlackPearl1
on March 25, 2006 at 6:38 AM
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I don't know what to say
I am assuming that you had this baby years ago, which is when I would have left him. As for the forgetting about kicking you out thing, maybe he is suffering from some type of illness. I am sorry for your problems, but I am at a loss. Good luck!
posted by
Sherri_G
on March 25, 2006 at 12:43 AM
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