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Mrs. T, I am definitely okay.
I have my demons like everyone, but I'm very strong because of my background.  It made me a much more empathetic person also, and has helped me a lot in work and in life.  Thanks for such a sweet comment and kind thoughts.

posted by Temple on December 15, 2006 at 2:26 AM | link to this | reply

Wow Temple, you sure had a terrible start to life and I feel for you...

No one deserves things like this.  I do hope you are ok?  Words are definately difficult to express what I feel at the moment for you. So here is a ...

Mrs T

posted by Tanga on December 14, 2006 at 2:19 AM | link to this | reply

Moxie, I heard you on that sister...
Oh, and I meant "bear" down there... I still get words mixed up.  Great name, btw. :) 

posted by Temple on October 28, 2006 at 3:03 AM | link to this | reply

Thank you, Temple.

Finding relative communication without bs is most important.

Thank you for your kind response. And Very nice to meet you as well!

posted by Moxie_Maven on October 28, 2006 at 2:16 AM | link to this | reply

Moxie Maven, lol about my therapist...
Well, I do have one, but I didn't even know I had PTSD for a long time.  She's in Denver, I'm in San Diego, and we talk on the phone every week.  She's very specialized and so awesome, I couldn't bare to find someone else.  I've made a lot of progress here.  My other therapist is writing.  Sharing and realizing so many other people relate, and just, as I said below, letting the demon free, helps.  It is indeed scary.  But, I've come to realize that some will accept me and some won't... and fuck those who don't cuz I don't need 'em.  You know?  Most do.  I've been writing Lesson Two for a long time, it's much harder.  And this story now has more details as my Mom is willing to talk about it.  Thanks so much for reading, nice to meet you, and thanks for the comment. 

posted by Temple on October 28, 2006 at 2:05 AM | link to this | reply

BlackPearl, I didn't see this until now when I saw another comment, sorry.
I think you're right, it made me who I am... and I have been able to help in other situations because of being able to relate and having gone through this.  It has made me stronger, I think.  I'm very glad you feel a connection.  It was because of comments like yours, and emails, that I continued to share stories in this blog that are so scary for me.  Once you release the demon it loses power over you.  At lease that's what I believe.  Thank you for reading and sharing your comment with me.

posted by Temple on October 28, 2006 at 1:59 AM | link to this | reply

Temple, this is an incredible post.
I think it is much more real to so many people than have the guts to admit. It's scary shit, lady. Where is your therapist ?  !  ?

posted by Moxie_Maven on October 28, 2006 at 1:43 AM | link to this | reply

Temple,
This is a really late comment, I know, but this is very powerful.  It shows a strength that you have that you evidently wouldn't have known you had if you had not gone through this.  Sure, that sounds bass ackwards to say, but I feel a connection to this story, though some of my own details are very different.  Thanks for sharing this. 

posted by BlackPearl1 on August 5, 2006 at 10:40 AM | link to this | reply

Frankenkitty, you could be right.
I think there are a lot of reasons.  I've never been with an abusive man in a relationship, just had an abusive father.  Well, I've had some verbally abusive boyfriends... really only one... but I've avoided this in my life so far.  I don't understand the dynamic.  I need to finish writing this, but it's such a hard one to do.  It's also the one I get some of the strongest feedback on.  I'm glad you're with Emil, too, and I like your smart mouth. 

posted by Temple on May 21, 2006 at 3:38 PM | link to this | reply

I could be wrong, but I think
sometimes if a woman is very smart, and the man feels threatened by her intelligence, instead of compromising he will beat the woman into submission.  This is why I chose a partner who was just as intelligent as I was.  I'm not saying it's always like that, because some guys don't have extreme insecurity and it's not an issue.  This is a very sad blog. I know I've read this before, and commented on it, but I've been in an abusive relationship so I have theories.  I guess I can relate.  Good thing I ditched the loser and found Emil, or I'd probably be dead by now with my smart mouth.

posted by Flumpystalls3000 on May 11, 2006 at 5:48 AM | link to this | reply

Justso, I'm so glad you found value in this.
It was very hard to write, and I haven't been able to write the second half.  I write to process it, but I put it out there because others have responded to things like this...saying it's helped them.  I think that helps me, too, somehow.  Thank you for your lovely comment. 

posted by Temple on February 20, 2006 at 2:44 AM | link to this | reply

Temple I do so appreciate this post. It takes courage to be so revealing.
This will also give those less breave to explore their own private pain and work with it in their way. What a gift you are in this. Be blessed.

posted by Justi on February 18, 2006 at 3:49 PM | link to this | reply

Thank you, B, I love these pics, too.
I need to post here...but it's a blog I sort of avoid.  Thanks for reading. :)

posted by Temple on January 7, 2006 at 5:02 AM | link to this | reply

I like the photos you posted. They look fresh at each visit.

(B)

posted by A-and-B on January 7, 2006 at 5:00 AM | link to this | reply

Reni, yeah, interesting how that works...
I had one fucked up parent stick up for the drunk violent parent the other day.  Well, former drunk violent parent....who always hated the fucked up parent....BUT....they call each other now to talk about how fucked up I am, and how it's all my fault.  Yep, I was the kid, but tell yourself whatever you gotta.

posted by Temple on December 21, 2005 at 2:31 AM | link to this | reply

btw....no comments are unwanted...
or I wouldn't put the post up, but you can comment what you want or not comment....whatever you like :)

posted by Temple on December 21, 2005 at 2:29 AM | link to this | reply

Blanche, absolutely.
 Thank you.

posted by Temple on December 21, 2005 at 2:28 AM | link to this | reply

Yeah...Funny how parents how parents seem to have different memories...

posted by Renigade on December 19, 2005 at 4:18 PM | link to this | reply

Temple,
Is this one of those times when it's okay to just leave an emoticon, or calling card, or something just to say, "Hey, I was here, read you, I feel I've shared some of your intensely felt emotions, but do not want to intrude a potentially unwanted comment?"  If so, here it is:

posted by Blanche. on December 19, 2005 at 4:16 PM | link to this | reply

Blanche, thanks for letting me know.
As for the comment, that's okay...I get that a lot. :)

posted by Temple on December 19, 2005 at 4:12 PM | link to this | reply

Temple,
BTW, aside from the formatting, I did read it. I just didn't have anything to add or comment, because it's so intensely personal.

posted by Blanche. on December 19, 2005 at 4:00 PM | link to this | reply

Blanche, I know, thanks for asking. :)
There were some loopy movements of blogs happening with the change yesterday, indeed.

posted by Temple on December 19, 2005 at 3:56 PM | link to this | reply

Temple,
that makes sense to me, just checking to see if this was your intent or an accident of the re-formatting of Blogit.

posted by Blanche. on December 19, 2005 at 3:52 PM | link to this | reply

Yep, Blanche, it is indeed non-fiction.
It was in everything else before, but I thought this was a better fit.  I figured it didn't have to be a structured story to be non-fiction, but I didn't want it to be in journal either...so I liked it this way better. 

posted by Temple on December 17, 2005 at 9:48 PM | link to this | reply

Temple,
I was wondering, did you intend for this to be in "non-fiction" or did it end up in here after the updo that Blogit did the other day?  I checked in here, Non-fiction, out of curiosity and found it, the lone entry.

posted by Blanche. on December 17, 2005 at 6:34 PM | link to this | reply

It's funny, after discussing what to call me, I don't know what to call you

So, I guess Charley should be okay since that's the name of your blog.  Isis, Miriam....ack....and I spoke for hours.  I found we had a great deal in common.  I offered some ideas as to how she could sell some of the work she is producing now, and we have some artist friends here that can help.  It was like talking to an old friend.  She is indeed, lovely.  I have so many thoughts on this situation, but I will leave it with the one we settled with....and it's a position very similar to one I've been in myself...no matter what happens, no matter what is to be, this is something she needs to see through.  See what can be, what can come of it.  With no regrets if it doesn't later look how you want it to.  I'm all for that.  This is where life's lessons come from, and she is due for a big life change. 

My accident itself was nothing, a stupid tiny nothing.  I was rear-ended and it knocked me out...throwing me both forward and back.  My brain hit my skull each time damaging the cerebral cortex and the brain stem.  I can no longer practice law.  I was a litigator, and I can't keep up now.  It destroyed my life, brought me back to life, ruined everything, led me to new things...all at once, yet there is so much yet to finish.  That was almost 6 years ago and I am not yet healed...or ...whatever.  I have never been the same person again either, and it cost me everything.  Some days there is hope.  Some days there is light.  Right now there is not much of either.  But, I feel like I'm being pulled into a new direction that might have new hope.  I just don't know if I can stay afloat and survive until I get there.  As far as us being friends, well, I always could use friends...but forgive me if I'm still a bit skeptical.  I think Miriam will tell you that I am also open.  I'm walking contradictions.  All things in time.

posted by Temple on December 11, 2005 at 10:57 PM | link to this | reply

I'd like to be your friend
Wendi, I was busy working and the thought came unbidden that I should know more about you. I think you are speaking with Miriam by phone at this very moment. I logged on and Lessons in Violence was the post that beckoned me. You have no idea how similar our pasts are. I'm not a woman. I'm older. The mental and emotional abuse I suffered was very different from your abuse. But, the end result for the two of us was very very similar. I also suffered a head injury. My vehicle was broad-sided by a freight train and no one knows why I am alive. That was a long, long time ago and I'm a very different person now. Please know that I am a friend to Miriam and I would like to be a friend to you to. I can't know all of the specific pain that you suffered but believe me when I say that I know what it does to a person. There is hope. There is light.  Let's be friends.

posted by syzygy on December 11, 2005 at 12:56 PM | link to this | reply

Libby, yeah, writing about it helps.
I put in my journal, but I wanted to put it in Gidget.  I'm just not ready to yet.  The next lesson, if you will, has to do more with Jay.  I can't handle him reading it yet.  It will have to go in there...it has to do with the root of things so much.  It's very cleansing to say it out loud...to other people...just put it in the universe.  I never thought that would feel that way. 

posted by Temple on November 28, 2005 at 11:51 PM | link to this | reply

I just now saw this.  Getting it all out can be very cathartic.  Not some miracle cure, but helpful!  I'm glad you're writing about it. 

posted by Holy_Grail on November 28, 2005 at 3:55 PM | link to this | reply

I was lucky enough not to have any sexual abuse in my family.

I cannot imagine, in any way, what that does to the soul and the spirit of a person.  I have been raped, as I have written about...and there have been sexual...situations, that were abusive, I guess, inappropriate, with people and distant relatives (not blood) and those left me with scars that are quite profound.  However, I must admit, for me, it's the verbal and emotional abuse that left me, and still leaves me, struggling the most.  I hope those children find their way to peace.  I know some who have, and I am in awe of that.  They do not hurry to prosecute because these cases are a disaster to try.  Everyone lies, no one wants to testify, there is little evidence, people change their minds at the last minute.  Be happy if they are taking time, it could be a good sign that they are really trying to put a good case together.

posted by Temple on November 27, 2005 at 1:02 AM | link to this | reply

This is really sad. My friend had
custody of her niece, who was raped repeatedly by her alcoholic father, and beaten on many occassions when she resisted, and I wonder what will happen to her. How do you recover from a violation like that?  The scary thing is, the father also did this to his son. Do you think the father's in jail? The solicitors office is in no hurry to bag real sickos.

posted by Flumpystalls3000 on November 26, 2005 at 5:58 PM | link to this | reply

How right you are, B.

I don't know if "normal" even really works...even if that family that looks normal, there seems to be secrets or people who just hide what's true.  Every now and then I find a good, true family that really works, but as humans we all seems so lost.  It's why I finally just started writing about it all.  So many people have similar stories.  It's almost universal.

posted by Temple on November 26, 2005 at 4:26 AM | link to this | reply

Interesting story. There are more dysfunctional than "normal" families around.

(B)

posted by A-and-B on November 25, 2005 at 3:52 AM | link to this | reply

Rachel, it was a "wow" moment for me, too.

I've never been able to deal with my "perfect" father.  Imagine when I found this out.  I guess I had been told more than once by several family members before I could even retain the memory.  It makes sense now, has perspective.  Time to sort it all out.  I'm glad you liked the writing...it sorta makes me cringe because I told myself it would just be like a journal entry.  No polish or Gidget style efforts (otherwise I'll never get this out).  Thanks for the read and the compliment.  I'll keep going.    ...hey...I just realized...about my comment about my writing...you often mention things like not being able to get things in the house together enough for you, and so on....did you know children of alcoholics are often perfectionists?  hmmm...lol.. 

posted by Temple on November 24, 2005 at 5:38 PM | link to this | reply

Wow.
This is awesome.  As you know, I can relate to being the "troubled child".  The child of alcoholism and violence, yet we are somehow responsible for it all.  Awesome writing!

posted by RachelAnna on November 24, 2005 at 1:39 PM | link to this | reply

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