Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
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Rachel,
I don't think you're nosy, I actually appreciate your questions. As far as passing the truth serum test, I guess that is one of the biggest unanswered questions. I don't think there's any doubt that he committed the murders. He was exceptionally intelligent, so he could easily have passed the lie detector test...but truth serum tests are harder to beat. I used to believe he had multiple personality disorder and that could explain it, because if the person who took the test did not know about the murders, then they might conceivably pass. But the more I learned about that mental disorder, I question even that theory. Thanks for asking.
posted by
Julia.
on July 6, 2005 at 9:48 AM
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Wow...
That's gotta be a tough question to answer. I think if I were in your shoes I'd probably give the same answer. There'd me so many questions I'd want answered, but then again, if some is capable of such violence even if you never saw it in him before it's better to be safe than sorry.
I wonder how he managed to pass the truth serum test and stuff, despite evidence that incriminates him? I don't mean to be nosy, but was there ever any considersation that evidence was planted or anything? Just curious.
posted by
RachelAnna
on July 6, 2005 at 9:30 AM
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goodnight shadow--nice to see you back...
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 10:16 PM
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Quirky, Well, I'm plagued with no highlight button, nor my smiley icons, and you know I like to put my little marks on comments. Think I'll call it a night. I've got e-mail to answer. Talk to ya tommorrow. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2005 at 10:03 PM
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shadow,
I think sometimes that happens to me but not all the time.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:50 PM
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Quirky, So right you are sweetie. What's wrong with the comment page? Its not formatting to show the task bars. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2005 at 9:43 PM
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Ms N,
thanks for stopping by.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:32 PM
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Shadow,
I knew you would remember. I guess it's true, then...what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:30 PM
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Amazing...
posted by
Transcendental_Child
on July 5, 2005 at 9:29 PM
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Quirky,
Oh, do I so remember! But, little hero you are still fighting strong and won't give up and that's what counts. I can only have total respect for your courage and fortitude. 
Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2005 at 9:17 PM
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Joe Love,
Six greats--wow--thanks for that!
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:14 PM
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Shadow,
thanks, I appreciate that. I'm mindful of what happened the last time I began to explore this topic, but I do feel things have changed and I think I can handle whatever comes up. But glad to have your support.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:12 PM
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Woooooow!
Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great entry. I know it was probably hard for you to write, but it was totally engaging.
posted by
Joe_Love
on July 5, 2005 at 9:10 PM
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Quirky,
Yes, I'm just attempting to say (in my own blundering way) I am behind you 100% and letting you know that you are not and will never be alone on this issue. There are many searching for the same answers and only brave souls find them. 
Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2005 at 9:02 PM
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Shadow,
I just feel that it is time to start making something positive out of this experience, and I hope that I find ways to help other people who may feel similar things.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 8:55 PM
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FactorFiction,
If I had to guess, I would say that a lot of people would be surprised to find out just how well they DON'T know someone.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 8:42 PM
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Quirky,
I don't think I ever told you about my cousin's husband. He went to prison back in 1990 for pre-meditated murder of two people. He spent 15 years in prison. My cousin refused to divorce him and they are still together today. I lived with them for nearly seven months. Yeah, there were times I felt very uncomfortable living with them because he does have a bad temper, but, I never was totally scared that he would physically hurt me. Your brother did not harm his immediate family, but outsiders. Yes, there are many who will harm a loved one when they have been tricked or badly hurt, but if you note, the majority of murders are committed to protect family, friends, self, and loved ones. I just do not feel that your brother would harm you had he lived. I think he loved you too much. I think you are very brave in trying to find closure just by asking. Most would hide their dispairs and continue to breed anger and resentment instead of searching for a solution to put the past behind them. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2005 at 6:36 PM
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Quirky
Stories such as your family's give true meaning to the term "blindsided." I think I would have to be afraid in your hypothetical situation, simply because it had already been proven that I really did not know him well enough. I wonder though, how many others don't really know someone close to them?
posted by
FactorFiction
on July 5, 2005 at 6:30 PM
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mystic,
since I won't ever know what was wrong with him, that is always a possibility.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 5:28 PM
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SincerityAnna,
No...not unless you go through it yourself.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 5:26 PM
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mmm-w,
yes, my mother's life was drastically changed. Sometimes I think her pain has lessened after all these years, but then I know it really hasn't.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 5:26 PM
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Be afraid, be very afraid and thankful you don't have to face him now ...
he might not remember afterwards what he did to you
posted by
fwmystic
on July 5, 2005 at 2:52 PM
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Quirky...
Very true...that's one of those feelings that really isn't immaginable...
posted by
SincerityAnna
on July 5, 2005 at 10:05 AM
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i admire your courage to write about something so personal.... how sad for your mother, i can not imagine how this must have deeply altered her life.
posted by
mmm-w
on July 5, 2005 at 9:57 AM
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Katray,
yes, thank god there are people who love unconditionally.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:57 AM
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SincerityAnna,
Well...it's just hard to really answer that hypothetical question, because you just don't know how you'd really feel.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:55 AM
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krisles,
I do think it would have helped his entire family to be able to speak with him after his confession. It might have helped him as well. I do know he was tormented by what he had done.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:53 AM
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frankk,
yes, writing about it is very cathartic and freeing.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:52 AM
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MysticG,
I also think my mother would be alone with him and not be afraid of him.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:49 AM
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ginnieb,
the unanswered questions are really the worst for me...I would just like to know what he was feeling and going through.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:48 AM
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Ariala,
thank you. I don't really think it takes courage to write about this, but then again I didn't speak of it for 20 years, so I guess it does. Maybe it's more like, the time is right now to share my experiences.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2005 at 9:47 AM
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Powerful and haunting reflections Quirky
Thank you for the courage to share this. As a mother, I know unconditional love for your child bears all.
posted by
Katray2
on July 5, 2005 at 9:47 AM
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Quirky,
My mothers 1st husband was a paranoid schizophrenic. If it were my brother I'm not sure that I'd be scared...more curious as to the why's...I think...
posted by
SincerityAnna
on July 5, 2005 at 9:45 AM
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Quirkyalone
I am glad you are writing all of this out, too; and I agree with every comment made below me. I also think that your brother would probably have many things to say to you. None of us is just one thing or the other, even the ones who do horrid things have parts of them that aren't horrid -and that want to speak out and say things. I wish all of you could have had some peace of having had some words together...it might not have helped....but suicide, I do know from experience, is like losing a book before you finish a page while in mid-sentence. Thanks again for sharing..
posted by
Krisles
on July 5, 2005 at 9:45 AM
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That must be very hard..I respect your courage, as well,
and hope writing helps you with it.
posted by
frankk
on July 5, 2005 at 9:41 AM
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your mom would probably be willing to be alone with him, he was her son, her baby, thats pretty unalterable. sorry about your experience, thats rough especailly with no answers
posted by
MysticGmekeepr
on July 5, 2005 at 9:35 AM
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No one can imagine what you've been through....
...or what you continue to go through. There must be so many questions unanswered; so many things to try to sort out.
posted by
ginnieb
on July 5, 2005 at 9:34 AM
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I'm glad you're writing about this...it's a courageous thing to do, and
interesting from a reader's perspective as well.
posted by
Ariala
on July 5, 2005 at 9:29 AM
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