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Temple-
Sorry to hear your mom has MS too...it's not something I would wish on anyone. But, for the most part, I am well enough that everyone forgets and I have to bitch about things in order to get any help. Ah well, ya win some, ya lose some.
posted by
FactorFiction
on March 21, 2005 at 11:12 AM
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It's true Reni, we are all really fucked up in some way, I think.
That's okay....it's what makes us human, gives us character and depth and empathy. This was a journal entry from about 4 years ago, so don't worry, I don't do that anymore. I should have said that. I cut pretty regularly for a while back then, but then I stopped. Now and then I will have the compulsion, sometimes I will give in, most times not, but it's not at all my practice. There have been years between incidents. And, you're right, knowing that we're not alone, that we all have a darkness we struggle with, that makes it easier. Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us lately, too.
posted by
Temple
on March 21, 2005 at 12:53 AM
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Frankenkitty, I think I know what you are talking about.
It is not fun to have those thoughts, that desire to hurt yourself is a strange compulsion. I hated it, so I didn't do it for very long....not like what I wrote about here. Since then it's been here and there, but nothing regularly. I hope you are finding other ways, too. I hope you are just okay in general right now. I send light and hope. You take care, too.
posted by
Temple
on March 21, 2005 at 12:47 AM
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FactorFiction
I'm sorry to hear you have MS. My Mom has that and I'm learning about it. It is hard to learn to accept the person you are now, but I'm learning that sometimes that the person who I am now is better. I love hockey! I can't wait until the NHL lock out is over. Thanks so much for reading. :)
posted by
Temple
on March 21, 2005 at 12:41 AM
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Wow...What to say...You know, after seeing your pic (and knowing what
I look like), it always amazes me how normal we all look. All it takes is one revelation for all of us to see just how fucked up we all are. That's kind of liberating in a way, isn't it?--to know that everyone else is hiding behind some kind of mask?--to know that you're not alone in your fear? Thanks for sharing such a personal story. But if ya don't quit I'm gonna take away your blue pills, do ya hear?
posted by
Renigade
on March 20, 2005 at 8:41 PM
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I have a disorder not unlike yours.
It's not cutting, but similar. I never spoke about it on blogit before, but it started when I was young and my parents were fighting. I hide it as best I can, but one time I did a character testimony for my brother and his bitch ex-wife brought it up in court. It was embarrassing. Anyway, I'm sorry you have to live with such a vice. It is like how people enjoy smoking, or eating, or drugs. I know. Take care :)
posted by
Flumpystalls3000
on March 20, 2005 at 4:50 PM
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Temple-
I just read your "About Me." I just wanted to let you know that I understand mourning the loss of who you used to be. I am still mourning myself even though it has been many years since I was diagnosed with MS. It may have gone better if I had had help with it earlier on though
Oh and hockey is one of the few sports I care to watch, although I prefer college to pro- went to 2 hockey schools for college/graduate.
posted by
FactorFiction
on March 19, 2005 at 7:53 AM
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Darkke...
Of course. Thanks for reading and sharing it with me.
posted by
Temple
on March 18, 2005 at 10:06 PM
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Wildwoman, yes, cutting is so often not talked about.
It feels....crazy...and people don't understand. Thank you for such sweet words and for your support. I will be talking about this more, I'm sure. It's important that we not let ourselves feel shame when we go through these sorts of problems. The path....indeed...see you there.
posted by
Temple
on March 18, 2005 at 10:06 PM
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FactorFiction, I don't know that we are polar opposites...
...not based on this....believe me, I didn't like to inflict pain before that started. It was part of something that happened that I didn't, and still don't, understand. I thought about doing it for a long time before I did, but could never understand where that thought came from. After researching it and learning more, I understand it better as part of the PTSD, but it still strikes me as an odd compulsion. In any case, I doubt you are a wuss....but if so, in this case, that's all for the better. The pain served it's purpose....to make me feel like I wasn't walking dead, for one...and so many others that would require another post. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. :)
posted by
Temple
on March 18, 2005 at 10:04 PM
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me, too love...
posted by
Temple
on March 18, 2005 at 9:59 PM
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Thanks for sharing, temple.
posted by
DarrkeThoughts
on March 18, 2005 at 9:13 PM
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Temple
Thanks for sharing this. I've wondered about cutting, the why's of it. You're generous, passionate, and strong, Temple. Continue the path.
posted by
Wildwoman_Laloba
on March 17, 2005 at 4:50 PM
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We are polar opposites-
I can't stand to inflict any self pain, much less one that causes pain and blood. Yes, I am a wuss. Oh well.
posted by
FactorFiction
on March 16, 2005 at 9:25 AM
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Again...
I'm glad you have progressed as much as you have...Keep on keeping on...
posted by
jimmy68
on March 16, 2005 at 8:07 AM
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