Go to MY PERCEPTIVE REFLECTION!!
- Add a comment
- Go to ALL OR NOTHING TO SURVIVE.................................................
Here is a magic cuddle from me!
posted by
Jay9
on August 2, 2004 at 2:18 AM
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DancesWithWords
thank you so much.............take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 31, 2004 at 2:22 AM
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Moondawg
thank you very much, that is telling me straight..............I have been doing a lot of thinking....you are so kind to offer advice, I feel so happy that I have wonderfyl friends that care about me, thank you so much take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 31, 2004 at 2:21 AM
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Symphony:
You are so strong. I admire you so much.
Hang in there girl--I will be thinkin of ya! 
posted by
DancesWithWords
on July 30, 2004 at 11:58 PM
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Symphony you are going through
the normal response of an abused wife. For some reason they always feel it is their fault that their husband decides to beat the shit out of them. It doesn't matter what you have done you do not deserve to be abused, so it is not your fault. Get off the guilt trip and get away from this situation now, before it gets worse. I'm really worried for you Symphony. Do you think it is good for your children to see you hit by their father. The verbal abuse towards your daughter could also turn to physical abuse.
posted by
Moondawg
on July 30, 2004 at 9:09 PM
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man-boy
my husband don't know anything about my support here because he don't understand my writing, he thinks I just write a diary he does not understand. when I try to tell him I don't think he listens.
you are not a failure because the job was'nt for you, I am sure your wife will undersatnd this if you explain. you know what you want and need, and good luck to you, do whatever you feel in your heart
thank you for everything..................you are great and I am as proud of you as I always am...look after yourself.........take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 2:45 PM
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Hi Symphony.
I hope you can get a clear space to do what you need to do. I had to resign this new position because I could tell after 2 days that what they wanted was not going to work for me. I feel bad on one level because my wife will be disappointed but I did not burn any bridges. I have said that if they have other less stressful positions I would be happy to look at them. I guess the point is that you can't depend on your husband to give you what you need at this point. We are more than statistics but outcomes are not good once the hitting has started and there is no intervention. Please don't be a statistic. I wonder if your husband is jealous or threatened by your on-line support?
posted by
man-boy
on July 30, 2004 at 2:39 PM
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mysteria
thank you so much you are very kind.................I feel you girl.................thank you...take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 2:09 PM
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symphony want you to make a promise to the goodness within
To Thine OWN self be true 
Listen to that voice of reason. Pick up Ayn Rands book, The Virtue of Selfishness. Use it as your armour. You are so precious and very special. It is very important for you to remember this... I am sending you warmth and strength... don't be surprised if it is powerful....love mysteria
Posted by on July 30, 2004 at 2:05 PM (permalink)
posted by
mysteria
on July 30, 2004 at 2:08 PM
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Gheeghee
thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 1:24 PM
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when you've had enough, the fear will leave you.....
until then trust yourself and believe in yourself more each day
posted by
Gheeghee
on July 30, 2004 at 1:20 PM
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Gheeghee
wow that was a kick up the ass, very very true,
why am I still in denial, because I hear what you all are saying yet i feel like you are talking about someone else. I am scared but I dont know what of..................take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 1:19 PM
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yeah I have enough money
I am a karaoke entertainer although i am not working at the moment, i have people working ofr me, i get a cut because it is my karaoke machine, and I have saved it in a bank account for a rainy day, which seems to have come...........take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 1:17 PM
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I know when I stayed longer than I should've, it was because I was scared.
I knew I could make it without my ex-husband, but I was afraid that no one would ever love me. He made me believe that I was worthless, and that no one in the world could love me the way he did.
HE WAS WRONG!!!!! SO WRONG!!!!! because the prick never really loved me at all. If he loved me, he'd be proud of me, love everything about me, want to be with me more than anyone or anything in the world. He'd want to give me his soul to cherish too.
The ex-husband never gave me these things. Everyone deserves to have this for doing nothing at all. Love is a beautiful gift to bestow on someone that makes you feel like a beautiful goddess! This chump does not deserve the awesome gift that you have to give him. He's not earned it one bit.
posted by
Gheeghee
on July 30, 2004 at 1:16 PM
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mariantonia
thank you so much, you are very kind, thank you for your support, encouragment, kindness, sweetness......take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 1:15 PM
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You can always tell yourself that this is a temporary separation. So that it won't be so difficult to leave. You've told you've enough $ to survive. Forever? Since he won't listen and can't change with you around, then leaving is an option. I don't know what UK laws can do to help an addicted alcoholic. He may need mandatory government intervention for correction. Social services or Women's Center or some agencies may belong to the category of help offered. Some men change after rehab. We don't know. God knows but He's not telling us!
Keep your head up. Beautiful women will always survive and find better solutions.
posted by
mariantonia
on July 30, 2004 at 1:11 PM
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Kelli
thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 12:56 PM
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InherentRights
thank you for being so kind................take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 12:56 PM
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Symphony
Quirky is right! I know I have many negative posts, but lately, I've been trying to post lighter things, and remain a little more in the light. It's hard, but we have to do it.
posted by
Kelli
on July 30, 2004 at 12:51 PM
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You are worth it Symphony!
Don't think for a minute that you aren't!
Take care yourself
posted by
InherentRights
on July 30, 2004 at 12:51 PM
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Quirkyalone
thank you so much, you are right, but I feel like I cant stop it, but I will try...............take care
you are wonderful, I hope you are ok?.................look after yourself......................all the best
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 12:48 PM
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Gheeghee
thats the thing though I know that you are all right, I so want to go and leave, I have enough money to take care of me and the children I also have a place to stay that i can go, but something is stopping damn it
I so want to go, I wish you was here to kick me up the ass, because I am waiting for another excuse, and the excuse is here because he has not come home yet and it is 9pm.
what is my damn problem, do I need my head tested..........?
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 12:46 PM
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Symphony, the first thing you must do is stop the negative self talk,
because the way the brain works, every time you say it, you support that thought and create more ways to show yourself that it is true. It is NOT true, and every time you have a negative thought about yourself, immediately stop and say, "I bless that thought, and replace it with...(something positive)." Try it. Do it enough times until it becomes a habit. My best to you.
posted by
Julia.
on July 30, 2004 at 12:46 PM
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and I know from experience hon its hard not to blame yourself
Trust us, Symph, when you are out of it and healing, you will see that you were not to blame as clearly as we do!!! Don't be afraid!
posted by
Gheeghee
on July 30, 2004 at 12:41 PM
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Gheeghee
you are great............take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 12:41 PM
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BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!
You are worth it!
posted by
Gheeghee
on July 30, 2004 at 12:40 PM
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InherentRights
stop being so kind to me, you keep making me cry because I feel so loved............thank you so much
take care you are a wonderful person
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 12:34 PM
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Curly-Jo
thank you so much for giving me a wake up call................take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 12:14 PM
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Symphony,
You aren't a bad person, you should stop telling yourself that. You are a wonderful person, and nothing your husband does or makes you feel can change that. Being codependant doesn't make you a bad person.
You're wonderful and we care about you!
posted by
InherentRights
on July 30, 2004 at 12:14 PM
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SKY5
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 12:14 PM
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Symphony,
Here is a website that has a lot of information regarding co-dependency: http://www.recoveryresources.org/coda.html
Generally, co-dependents attract other co-dependents, and the cycle continues. Recognizing it is the first step to breaking the cycle.
posted by
Curly-Jo
on July 30, 2004 at 12:08 PM
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hey symphony, symphony come first.......
posted by
Star5_
on July 30, 2004 at 12:08 PM
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WHAMENATOR
I believe I am now that I have read all them questions and they are me, I never heard of the word before.
I am sorry that you are....................are you ok?..................take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 11:56 AM
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wodsmith
thank yuo so much for reading and commenting and for your support..............take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 11:55 AM
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SYMPHONY, I was trying not to cast a label on you so I avoided the word
but you are a Co-Dependant. I am too, Dear!!!!!!!!
Luv,
Whammie 
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on July 30, 2004 at 11:50 AM
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Symphony....
I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time. There is really nothing much that I can say to help you except that you are in my thoughts. Relationships are such hard work, too bad many of us do not realize that we have to put our heart in it to keep it going.....
posted by
word.smith
on July 30, 2004 at 11:48 AM
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Curly-Jo
oh my gosh , I think I should admit, them questions are all me....................how a bad person I am, how stupid of me, how did I not know..........and everyone else does, how come I did not see the signs........I am stupid, I must ask for this................take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 11:40 AM
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Symphony,
Have you heard the term 'co-dependency?' Most of the time people stay in abusive relationships because of this. I know I did, until I realized that I was a co-dependent. Here are some of the characteristics. Not all of them may apply to you, but if a lot of them do, then there is a good chance that this is what you are experiencing. You can change it, I did.
Characteristics of Codependency
Following is a commonly used list of characteristics of codependency.
- My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you
- My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you
- Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain
- My mental attention is focused on you
- My mental attention is focused on protecting you
- My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way
- My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
- My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
- My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests
- Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
- Your behaviour is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
- I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
- I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume
- The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
- My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
- My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
- I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship
- My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
- I put my values aside in order to connect with you
- I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
- The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours
There is a newsgroup frequented by those inerested in the subject of codependency: alt.recovery.codependency
posted by
Curly-Jo
on July 30, 2004 at 11:35 AM
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SYMPHONY, there is a book: THE GAME OF LIFE AND HOW TO PLAY IT
One's subconscious has no sense of humor, and it does not know any better than to react to whatever nourishment we feed it. I must insist that you stop with the negativity!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And if you are inclined to be negative, do so in the sarcastic sense of the ironic positive if you are having a rough day. Example: Well, gee, if I were any better it would be illegal. Then you are feeding your subconcious with positive words instead of negative.
It is hard at first, but eventually becomes habit. Don't nurture yourself with negativity!!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luv,
Whammie
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on July 30, 2004 at 11:34 AM
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You're entirely welcome Symphony
I hope it helps and everything works out
posted by
InherentRights
on July 30, 2004 at 11:31 AM
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InherentRights
that makes perfect sense, thank you, I think I undersatnd what you are saying. you are wonderful, thank you for everything.............you are so kind and caring, you are so lovely thank you.........take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 11:27 AM
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CherryDidi
you are very kind...............thank you......
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 11:25 AM
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Symphony, Gina's right
You are not to blame. You can't control his behavior, just as he can't control yours. I have some experience with alcholism and you're right, it's hard to accept that someone we love is doing this to themselves, and it's easy to harbor guilt about it - but, above all, it isn't your fault. He's his own person, and in the end he decides what he's going to do. If his love for you and the kids wasn't enough to sober him up, it isn't your fault. If you wait for him to give you more grief you are feeding into that cycle.
The sad part is that, by staying with him, you are actually hurting him. It helps to allow him to believe his illusion that everything is alright and that he doesn't have a problem. When he comes home after being at the bar all day, and he finds his family there, he can pretend to himself that he was working, and then he'll just keep doing it. He'll keep drinking until he can't lie to himself anymore, and in my personal experience getting out of family situations with an alcoholic sometimes shatters that illusion and helps them to realize their problem.
As always, it's your decision. I hope everything works out
posted by
InherentRights
on July 30, 2004 at 11:24 AM
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youre a writer, youre clever, hugz
posted by
hugz_n_kisses
on July 30, 2004 at 11:19 AM
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CherryDidi
I hate myself............because I am useless and stupid....I can rise a bove this.............but something is stopping me...........take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 11:17 AM
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SKY5
thank you so much, I am so sorry that you can relate..............are you ok?
thank you for everything................take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 11:16 AM
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why dont u like yourself? because people dont like you? bloggers,do, try to li;ke yourself for that, hugz
posted by
hugz_n_kisses
on July 30, 2004 at 11:15 AM
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Symphony, I will remind you again, don't wear the shoes which I am in......
It's so bad and hard......Believe me, abuse never stop. It's a circle, if you didn't break the circle, the chain continued to get bad. You loose your self confidence, and it will be hard to get back. Think twice, thrice, five million times, but put symphony, and children first. Safety first. It is so hard to be out, I am no body to advise, but you don't want to get hurt like I got hurted. Because emotional strain kills you as well as physical. You can take him for therapy, I have done all those, but the results couldn't change a lot. Abuse is a sickness. i TRIED TO BE CONSIDERATE, BUT THE SAME PERSON CAN BE BETTER FOR OTHERS. GOOD LUCK WITH EVERY THING YOU DO, BE SAFE, PLAN STEP BY STEP. YOU WILL OVERCOME.
posted by
Star5_
on July 30, 2004 at 11:14 AM
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Gheeghee
so easy to say, but not so easy to think that..........I feel that I am to blame, because I seem to cause trouble for myself whatever I do...............take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 11:10 AM
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YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME
posted by
Gheeghee
on July 30, 2004 at 11:07 AM
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WHAMENATOR
I think that is why I am confused, because MY EX was a monster he changed in months.
but my hubby I have been married to for a long time and I never would of put that label on him, but since his drinking he has turned into that monster.
and your right he is the most charming man ever, especially in front of others.................
so my ex was an exceptional....................and my husband who is the charmer is the one i should of watch
ARGH i dont know
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 10:35 AM
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SYMPHONY, my mother was an abused woman, and I have a knack for finding
abusive men. None of them start out abusive. They start out as charming. Abusers can generally turn on the charm like a lightswitch.
I was in one abusive relationship with a man I really loved. But in hindsight and reality, I did not love him, because he is kind of a monster. I loved who I thought he was and who I wanted him to be!!!!!!
In my heart, I still cannot hate him, but instead have learned to pity him, because he has some issues. I still think of him from time to time, but the man I wished he was is whom I think of................
Whammie 
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on July 30, 2004 at 10:29 AM
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tbgroucho
great.................take care..............see you when you are around then
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 10:19 AM
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symphony
the barrage of women is about to come running up the stairs home! I can't drink on the job! But we'll be around!
tg
posted by
tbgroucho
on July 30, 2004 at 10:16 AM
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InherentRights
thank you so much, in my mind I have made my mind up and I am going to go, but I just need that extra push to make me, like for instance my husband coming home giving me more grief then I be gone like a shot...if on the other hand he comes back all sorry, I will still want to go, because I think it is the right thing to do..........thanks for everything take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 10:13 AM
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Symphony
I agree with everyone here. You should get out of the situation, even if it is for a few days, so that you can think more clearly about what is going. As you said, he isn't the man you married; it may be hard but you're going to have to come to terms with that.
I'll be thinking of you and I hope everything works out *hug*
posted by
InherentRights
on July 30, 2004 at 10:11 AM
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tbgroucho
how about right now.............lol
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 10:10 AM
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lol smyphony
Jack and I will come around for a visit some time. tg
posted by
tbgroucho
on July 30, 2004 at 10:08 AM
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tbgroucho
hey.............if I don't keep my senese of humour......then I better bang me head off a wall.............I got to laugh to keep my spirts up..............so go a head and carry on...............thank you...........take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 10:06 AM
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glad you laughed symphony
wouldn't want you to be insulted after all this. take care of yourself. tg
posted by
tbgroucho
on July 30, 2004 at 10:04 AM
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Vibrance
thank you...that made me feel much better....................you are great.................take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 10:02 AM
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tbgroucho
lol....................naughty naughty
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 10:02 AM
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Meriamne
thank you, you are so sweet.............I need to find the courage to leave..even for a break, I need to really go and spend some quality time with my children, I have the opputunity to leave right now......but I am worried about him, I have no idea why I do....I suppose that is love.
when I know he is ok, I am going to think about what I am going to do, I have a nice amount of money put away.........so even if I have to go to a hotel I will..............thank you for the offer, but honestly I am ok
thank you for everything.............take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 10:02 AM
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Magick cuddle granted.
Voila! xoox
posted by
Vibrance
on July 30, 2004 at 10:01 AM
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yes you hot chicks stay together
while some of us watch -- it's awful humid here in nyc today
tg
posted by
tbgroucho
on July 30, 2004 at 9:59 AM
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Symphony,
Just read your comment on my blog. You are so sweet! Guess us hot chicks gotta stick together, eh?
Yeah...we seem to be going through similar situations. You know, it's not so bad in the USA...
My door is always open for you :)
posted by
myrrhage_
on July 30, 2004 at 9:58 AM
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tbgroucho
thank you......................I want lots..............take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 9:57 AM
| link to this | reply
cuddles to you
tg
posted by
tbgroucho
on July 30, 2004 at 9:54 AM
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Laughlines
thank you so much you are wonderful..............thank yuo for everything.............take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 9:53 AM
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tremacc
I know you are right deep down, I think I may take your advice...............thank you so much for listening to me..............you are great, kind, caring, supportive..........thank you..........take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 30, 2004 at 9:53 AM
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Symphony,
I will be praying for you all day today. I am so, so sorry to hear about the abuse that is going on. Just remember, with prayer the miles between us mean nothing. : ) May God send you that much needed "cuddle" right away! God bless you, Symphony!
posted by
Laughlines
on July 30, 2004 at 9:47 AM
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Leave and hang out with your family for a little while until he agrees to counseling. You can't push this under the rug. Yes, he loves you and needs you--- but he has some pent up emotions and feelings that must be addressed before things will get better, otherwise it will only happen and again, and sooner than you think...
posted by
Tremac
on July 30, 2004 at 9:46 AM
| link to this | reply
Leave and hang out with your family for a little while until he agrees to counseling. You can't push this under the rug. Yes, he loves you and needs you--- but he has some pent up emotions and feelings that must be addressed before things will get better, otherwise it will only happen and again, and sooner than you think...
posted by
Tremac
on July 30, 2004 at 9:45 AM
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