The Darwin Diaries

By ubrut4 - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

In my quest to cut household costs...

I made up a list for everyone to read and hung it on the fridge. After all… I am the quintessential ‘Homemaker’! REFRIGERATOR RULES 1. Grocery shopping will be done once a week on Sundays. 2. If you notice we’re out of something or running low on something, please write it on the list. 3. Ham is not... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by ubrut4 at 9:13 AM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

My 'Exponential' Ass.

Getting back home from K* the shit's last night, Hubby was just full of profound (drunken) statements. Among the verbal diarreah? Hubby: *clearly not knowing what exponential means* 'Your ass is NOT fat! I love your ass... Your ass is exponential! Me: *blink, blink* My ass is exponential, huh?... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by ubrut4 at 6:41 AM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Orville Redenbacher is a dick!

6:00 am I wake to something hard and crunchy digging into my arm. As I become more alert, I realize that there are many hard and crunchy somethings digging into my skin EVERYWHERE. I sit up to investigate and notice MULTITUDES of white, fluffy kernals in my bed. More specifically... MY side of the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by ubrut4 at 4:38 AM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Daylight savings and Scary Hairy

Woke up to pee at the ass crack of 5:00 am this morning. Untangled myself out from under Darwin, tripped over my step stool (a morning ritual it seems) and stumbled to the potty. Sitting there, mid-pee and eyes half closed, I felt something brush against my foot. Naturally, I look down and proceed... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by ubrut4 at 4:02 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

The house that Darwin built

A few days ago, hubby was on a mad hunt for his cordless drill. He had torn the entire garage and shop apart looking for it and with no success. After a phone call to K* the Shit to see if maybe he had borrowed it while we were out of town (he hadn't), hubby had a moment of brilliance. As I was... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by ubrut4 at 3:02 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

The battle of the bulge

As always, my new resolution is to get healthy and drop a few pounds. WHY I insist on setting myself up for this failure every year is beyond me. First step was going to the store to buy some fruit. The only problem was I wasn't able to resist the urge to cut said fruit and throw it under a pie... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by ubrut4 at 12:40 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

*GAG*

After bringing Darwin in from his morning constitutional, he runs off to the bathroom for his morning drink of fresh, cold toilet water. He's lapping away noisily but happily, flinging water and drool around his bathroom. My husband walks through the garage door, naked underneath his wrapping of a... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by ubrut4 at 7:22 AM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

My 'fountain' of youth.

I'm not much of a froo froo girly girl. 'Tis no secret... However, one of my favorite 'girly' indulgences is a bubble bath. I turn the water on in the tub and add a generous portion of lavender oil, lavender sea salt, and lavender bubbles. While the tub is filling, I scrub my face, and apply a... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by ubrut4 at 4:36 AM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, March 31, 2008

Danger Will Robinson!

For months I have been begging (pretty please with sugar on top!!) hubby for a new mattress. For months, I have tossed and turned and my back is just this side of crippled. My husband has repeatedly denied both my oral and written requests for a brand spanking new, tempurpedic mattress. Yanno...the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by ubrut4 at 4:37 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Waterfall

I'm sound asleep in my warm cozy bed... I'm dreaming of this gorgeous waterfall. It seems like it's all around me and it's the most calm, soothing, and peaceful sound. Slowly, my conscious mind becomes alert to my surroundings... It's 4:15 AM. Hubby is snoring next to me. And Frank is pissing all... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by ubrut4 at 9:40 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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A blog detailing my life and how my husband, dogs, friends and I have disproved Darwin's theory of evolution. Feel free to mock us in all our Darwinian glory!

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