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too tired to read and comment... you sound involved with your family.
posted by
Carolyn_Moe
on January 21, 2014 at 7:31 PM
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it's never easy ... my granddaughter and i have had numerous conversations since she was very little about respecting her elders...especially her parents...and now she is a little outspoken but she does it for positive things...she doesn't like to see anybody picked on etc...she is definitely a star child
posted by
Annicita
on January 20, 2014 at 5:00 PM
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Not having any children, I'm afraid my response can only be subjective. But I don't think that 11 is too young to begin curbing such behavior! You want her to be bold and self-sufficient, but there has to be a middele ground . . . 
posted by
JimmyA
on January 20, 2014 at 2:20 PM
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Re: Kabu,
I don't know your story with your second son and his family, but it sounds sad. I understand, though, about boxes and too much family.
I do believe that all our relationships will be sorted out and understood and learned from, when we wake up and remember it was all for the learning, and that the only thing we surely do take with us, is love. 
posted by
Ciel
on January 20, 2014 at 10:13 AM
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Re: Naut,
Teaching respect... I am hoping there isn't a cognitive 'window' for that, like learning languages.
Your Chinese friend sounds like an excellent parent: Next time you see him, give him a bow for me!
posted by
Ciel
on January 20, 2014 at 10:07 AM
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Re: FormerStudentIntern.
I hope so, indeed!
posted by
Ciel
on January 20, 2014 at 10:05 AM
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Re: Pat,
I agree the pendulum has swung too far the other way... and the mistakes, one way or another, that we make with our kids tend to have repercussions for generations after. I think the swing to permissive started with the Boomers, and it's swung so far all the way to Lord of the Flies.
posted by
Ciel
on January 20, 2014 at 10:05 AM
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Re: CCT,
The thing is, kids may be punished by their peers for being smart, but they are rewarded by adults. I suppose it depends on whose approval they want more. Being rewarded for being smart-alecky... I think that's just a mistake, and there should be a quick end to it by the time the child is old enough to realize that such behavior gets a lot of laughs and attention. 
posted by
Ciel
on January 20, 2014 at 10:03 AM
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I cannot help love. My family were of the age and standing to squash a precocious child into the correct box and so I have never been happy amongst too much family. I cannot live inside any box. So then my second son came along and he was very much me in personality but with musical talent I do not know where it came from. I encouraged himself to be himself. Now he is a man I have lost him, my DIL and of course the 2 children forever.
posted by
Kabu
on January 19, 2014 at 7:21 PM
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Ciel
This brings to mind a chat I had with a Chinese friend of mine not too long ago. He’s a ‘westernized’ successful professional, and at some point talk got around to kids, and his are doing very well. And although mine are too, in view of the endemic malaise among many acquaintances and society at large, I asked, “How do you do it?” And, in a nutshell, his answers came down to this: ‘Be very supportive, and teach them to respect others...’
That’s just part of the Confucian tradition...I guess the question then becomes how to teach them respect in a society such as ours, where all values are under attack...
posted by
Nautikos
on January 19, 2014 at 6:38 PM
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Here is to hoping that things resolve themselves.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on January 19, 2014 at 5:30 PM
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I think we've got a bit overboard in our attempt to change child rearing
philosophy from "children should be seen and not heard" to "never curb their spirit." My mom told me she was strict (mean) because it was her job to teach us to be as lovable to other people as we were to her. Don't worry about your darling grandchild, there's a lot of common sense built in...
posted by
Pat_B
on January 19, 2014 at 2:29 PM
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I would tell your Grand daughter that
she is pretty smart, but she should never let anyone know that fact.
That is a secret one should keep hidden. One she can always prove it by
making a good life for herself.
Then you could say if you wish, 'It is what I do.'
( Of course I am a poor example)
posted by
C_C_T
on January 19, 2014 at 1:03 PM
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