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Passive agression isn't always a bad thing.
I can even imagine situations where it is appropriate, or better than the alternatives; and then there are other times when it is purely destructive.
Directness, likewise, has times it is not appropriate.
Perhaps the key is in how conscious and ethical we are in using any strategies like these to get our needs met.
posted by
Ciel
on August 17, 2008 at 9:02 PM
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I'm afraid I spent years as a really bad passive/aggressive. It surely didn't help my marriage. I have pretty much given that up as a no-winner.
posted by
TAPS.
on August 17, 2008 at 8:17 PM
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Way to go Ciel!
it is a very human thing.
posted by
KaBooM62
on August 17, 2008 at 6:37 PM
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Ahem... ! A female thing, Naut? In fact,
most of the worst passive aggressors I have known, have been male. My personal favorites were the two brothers (more or less adults) who each constantly accused the other of being passive aggressive. What made it funny was they were both right!
It isn't a gender thing, it's about feeling you haven't got a chance to win directly, or that being direct is rude, or that emotional manipulation of others is an okay way to get what you want.
And no one does non-responsive silence better than this fellow in the house the past 30+ years!
posted by
Ciel
on August 17, 2008 at 5:56 PM
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Ciel
Absolutely nothing is so off-putting as the way some people inflict the passive-agressiveness of the silent treatment on those they have a dispute with...unfortunately, it appears to be a fairly common strategy among the females of the species...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 17, 2008 at 5:27 PM
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Harderup, you're right!
And I haven't decided yet whether it is worth the effort. It may rest on it being important enough to her.
posted by
Ciel
on August 17, 2008 at 2:41 PM
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Ciel
If you don't talk about it - it will probably be damaged.
We all need space, weather it is display area or our personal space. If you think the friendship is worth saving - have a chat with her about it.
If not, let it go and focus on new things.
Take care. I love your photos :)
posted by
Lotus_Flower
on August 17, 2008 at 3:12 AM
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Re: Funny how people take offence....
Wouldn't it be nice if people would or could simply say what's on their minds directly instead of expecting us to always know what's bothering them.
She could have told me... and I could have told her... but neither one of us did. We each coped with the situation in our own silence, arrived at a comfortable enough balance, and went on as if our friendship was not damaged.
I don't know if it was damaged or if it was strengthened. It is a young relationship.
posted by
Ciel
on August 16, 2008 at 1:16 PM
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Thanks, Bel! All better now...
I am enjoying being at home in the cool and shade, spending a little more time with Charlie, too.
posted by
Ciel
on August 16, 2008 at 1:08 PM
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Funny how people take offence....
...and you never really know why! I guess it's sometimes because they're having a bad day and your'e conveniently there to focus upon. Not that that makes it feel any better!
posted by
Rockingrector_retd
on August 16, 2008 at 12:06 PM
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I am sorry your day didn't go so well
posted by
Bel_
on August 15, 2008 at 9:07 PM
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