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That didn't come out right...I'm trying to say, you are gifted...
I'm trying to say that you have a gift - something that came out of the shit....you use it well and maybe someday that will be the grace of it for you. I hope so, I pray so for you. I wish I could say it better.
posted by
Krisles
on May 20, 2005 at 9:25 PM
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My tears are flowing...
I have spent 26 years with a man who came from such pain I suspect....I have tried so hard to comfort him; he is so crippled because he cannot express it--no amout of medication, no amount of shrinking, nothing I can sacrifice on the alter of guilt for a happy childhood I had myself...none of it seems to be enough...I wish I hadn't read this...it's very good, but it just kills me because I have tried so hard to make it better for him and I just can't. Why can't he open up and let some of it out like you can....
posted by
Krisles
on May 20, 2005 at 9:19 PM
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Mysteria,
Wow, I can so relate to this. I only wish I could find someone so wise as Melanie. But the lights, hypersensitivity to sound, I emerge carefully from my sanctuary, are we so different or does everyone else just damper down the sensitivity to lights, sound, etc. I've read that soldiers coming home from war experience something like it.
posted by
Blanche.
on May 18, 2005 at 9:00 PM
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Trooper
...you write very well, and with tremendous insight.....smart cookie you are, you'll get it unraveled and integrated into a whole.
posted by
MysticGmekeepr
on May 12, 2005 at 4:53 PM
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Wow, you really beat yourself up!
Didn't you ever think to question authority, to not believe what they were telling you, to be a rebel with a cause. I also choose not to unpack my suitcase. Don't look down, keep climbing!
posted by
fwmystic
on May 11, 2005 at 7:42 PM
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Mysteria
Dear woman..those horrible beasts did this to you. Your such a lovely person, your able to understand why you have issues now, therefore you have a great deal of logic. There is unconditional love, it really does exist. I love my children that way, even when they did things that wrecked my nerves, but loved every minute of their being. A true friend loves you unconditionally. Keyword..true. What a wonderful thing to wake in the morning and know you are loved. All little children deserve to be loved unconditionally. You were no beast, you were too young to sin, much less be a beast. Take back what is yours..and never feel like your anything other than the fine person you really are !!
posted by
Offy
on May 11, 2005 at 7:20 PM
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mysteria, unconditional love. I think that is the right answer and the only reason we don't believe it is because it's never been tried. Kinda like underfunding inner-city school. They say throwing money at the problem is not the answer. how do they know, they've never done it! If I were your neighbor I would be an unconditionally loving neighbor! Have a nice day. Oh, and BTW, I'm afraid to unpackage my childhood. Think of the enormous amount of wasted energy I'm spending every day that could be put to good use!
posted by
kingmi
on May 11, 2005 at 7:05 PM
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mysteria,
California freeways scare me, and I'm ''NORMAL.'' (I think. That as never been verified by the FBI.) AND...driving at night when there are lights flashing and blinking and swerving around and you can only see the lights but nothing else...wow! Don't make me think about that. And all of that other stuff--I think a lot of people understand. Just say ''I'm me, and I don't care if you understand.'' Pop those who don't hear on their butts with a wet towel.
I don't know why I said all of that. I came in here looking for my runaway toaster, and it simply cannot be found. I'll be back again, for something or other. For fun, maybe. 
JJ
posted by
Jack_Flash
on May 11, 2005 at 6:22 PM
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Mysteria...I'm happy to be magic for you.
And I truly meant all the things I said. Thank you for your most gorgeous answer...I like it---Easter Eggs all aglow in the grass. Yummy.
posted by
Passionflower
on May 11, 2005 at 4:28 PM
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Jemmie211
Rawwww! That's sweet Jemmie..Thank you. It is nice to be reminded that we aren't the only ones. moooochies!
posted by
mysteria
on May 11, 2005 at 3:25 PM
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Passionflower Lovely Lust Lotus
All those things you say make me so excited cause they exude much promise and it just feels right hearing them. They are like beautiful easter eggs, surprising me with their charms; aglow in the grass...I do feel much promise in your advice. It sounds like such a relief to hear...musica to my ears...
Thanks so much for putting my feelings into words. You are magic that way...
posted by
mysteria
on May 11, 2005 at 3:23 PM
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*hugs*
Believe it or not, a lot of what you post here I feel as well. If you need a friend . . .
posted by
Jemmie211
on May 11, 2005 at 2:56 PM
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My Darling, you love your solitude bec you are the only one
You trust. You've been hurt, betrayed, wounded, sickened, etc, by the people you thought you could trust. When those closest to you, do horrible things to you, you naturally recoil from people in general. Bec - as a matter of logic--if those folks who were closest to you and knew you well could do such horrible things to you, then ANYONE on earth could and would do them.
So you withdraw, certain that NO ONE can be trusted. Certain that you aren't worthy of their love anyway, since you are such a disgusting pig. Those are lies. ALL LIES. You NEVER were disgusting. You derived those conclusions from your family's heinous treatment of you. It was the only logical conclusion.
And you know how you love logic problems. Right? You must surround yourself with people who will love and encourage you daily if you're ever to be whole again. You must divorce that beastly family of yours the moment your therapy is ended and move to a different area of the country.
Find new parents, loving brothers and sisters. Kind aunts and cousins. Nurturing, caring people. They DO exist and you DO deserve a wonderful family like that. I think you should even change your name once this is over...(yes, it will be over soon and you'll be whole again)
Dana is a beautiful, winsome creation of God. She's a mystery, yes, but a charming riddle. She is also extremely talented, full of beauty and grace. She has an incredible Gift to give the world. Though the Darkness has tried its best to extinguish her amazing Light, she is a survivor and will win this battle and eventually this war.
Dana will go on to become a world-renowned artist and her work will bless the hearts and souls of many.
posted by
Passionflower
on May 11, 2005 at 2:51 PM
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