The Riffs Room Re-upholstered

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Something to offend everyone...

Oh, so you’re offended? Well tough noogies – I’m offended that you’re offended. Get over it. That pretty much sums up the essence of most debates these days. It really doesn’t matter what the issue is, after far too few minutes of rational discussion, it generally devolves to the essence of the... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Eavesdropping on E.T.

I read the other day that Stephen Hawking is leading a new effort to look for extra terrestrial life. This one is being bankrolled, to the tune of $100 million, by Russian gazillionaire Yuri Milner, who among other things, was born in 1961 and was named for Russian Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, the first... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, July 20, 2015

More signposts along Curmudgeon Road

So we were standing together, my Beloved and I, in our front yard, the breeze from passing cars rustling our bumper crop of crabgrass. The conversation had to do with weighing the various and sundry options we are considering for the yard -- and there are quite a few, actually. Not that it’s... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, June 22, 2015

(This is one I wrote a number of years ago. In honor of my father, I am re-posting it for Father’s Day. May all fathers out there be as great as mine, and may they all know, wherever they are, how much they mean to us.) It took me a minute to figure out why my eyes were flooding. Maybe it was the... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Governing the Passions

The next time I am within earshot of an individual who uses the phrase “I have a passion for…” to describe anything other than the first moment he or she met their significant other, I’m very likely to passionately beat them senseless with a five pound bag of oranges. I know, I know, yet another... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Maybe an analyst can interpret this recurring nightmare...

Dig, if you will, this picture: I’ve been dating this girl for about two months – starting to warm up from weekends at the frat house to pseudo serious time spent. Next thing you know, it’s Thanksgiving and she’s invited me to her home for dinner and to meet her family. The good news is that she... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

A cunning plan...

Whoever said “money can’t buy happiness” either never had it or just took it way too seriously. With enough money, you can, in fact, buy a lot of happiness, or rather, peace of mind, which is a very clearly marked and well-paved route to happiness. You just have to do it right. I have always said I... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Note to self...

The great comedian Bill Envall coined the catch phrase, “Here’s your sign.” That’s the one that refers to the moment when someone asks you an utterly inane, idiotic question, you reply with a sarcastic answer, then hand them a sign that says, “I’m Stupid,” and say, “Here’s your sign.” My catch... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Never again, and this time I really, really mean it...

How many times have I chanted this mantra over the years? Even as I write this, every appendage of my body is sore. Even my hair hurts. I’m getting far, far too old for this. Extra note to self: A three mile run the day after will not cure what ails me anymore. It will instead lock up my muscles,... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Yet another joy of middle age...

I am afraid I am slowly driving my beautiful, long-suffering Beloved nuts. Basically, every time she says something in my general vicinity, I respond with the following insightful and intelligent statement: “Huh?” It doesn’t matter whether she’s talking to me, herself, or one of our four-legged home... Sign in to see full entry.

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