Tuesday, April 29, 2008
It's Prom night and the name is Bond. Strat Bond...
I found an old high school prom picture the other day. Please tell me we really didn't look like that. Too late. I know it's true. We were ugly and our mothers dressed us funny, at least until we were old enough to rebel. Then we started dressing truly horrendously. The prom picture, taken my junior...
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Thursday, April 24, 2008
A political question...
This one greeted me in my e mail this morning. I don't know if it was spam, or if I just got drunk in Europe and met someone in a bar who insists on keeping in touch, or maybe this one is actually from Denmark, S.C., where I didn't know they had running water, much less computers. Anywho, the...
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Take that seltzer bottle and shove it...
It appears they have a phobia for everything. I looked mine up; it’s called coulrophobia -- fear of clowns. Speaking in public; going to class naked; stepping on snakes and spiders ain’t nothing compared to the willies I get from those big-shoed, red-nosed, homicidal maniacs. Call me a party pooper,...
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Thursday, April 17, 2008
Holding on to nothing but the Wheel: Part Deux
One Saturday afternoon while my Beloved was working one of her rare Saturdays, not too long ago, I got into the mighty Super Jeep with no real idea of where I was going or what I was doing and just started driving. It was a pretty day, one of the first nice spring days we’ve had and gas was still at...
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Monday, April 14, 2008
It's like this time, at band camp...
Once upon a time, in an adolescence that seems like yesterday and not 20 something years ago, I was not the swayve and dee-boner guitar picker you see beckoning the swooning and salivating groupies with a flick of the pick. Back then, my nose was too big, my face too small. I was pigeon chested, had...
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Friday, April 11, 2008
Confessions of a latch key kid's best friend...
My buddy motions to me, a finger to his lips. Be quiet, even though no one is home. “What,” I hiss back, in all my ten-year-old impatience. “Look,” he whispers excitedly, pointing to his dad’s sock drawer. “What is it?” He slaps his forehead as though to say, “This kid is such a moron,” even though...
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Monday, April 7, 2008
I can honestly say I've never, ever done this...
I know I have written about my many shenanigans over the years, the various and sundry moments when I almost but not quite made the Darwin Awards. However, my Uncle told me a story the other night about a kid who seemed to hit the jackpot. You must remember that this was a kid who grew up probaby in...
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Friday, April 4, 2008
Gunning for the Darwin Awards: Part Deaux
There’s an old saying, What are a redneck’s last words: “Hey ya’ll, wartch this!” I guess we start gunning for the Darwins early in life. Ever since I was a little kid, I have really enjoyed engaging in behaviors that normally get people killed, maimed, arrested, or deported. From playing with...
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Thursday, April 3, 2008
Oh, Captain; my Captain...
You’ve probably never heard of him, but at one time, I’d bet he wielded far more power in Washington than any politician ever dreamed of in his most meglomaniacal delusions. I’m talking, of course, about Captain Twenty. Captain Who, you say? I forget; the Captain was a metro D.C. phenomenon;...
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Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Anniversary of my Springtime Surrealism
Back in another lifetime, before I opted for the complete and abject poverty and obscurity guaranteed by a career as a small town journalist/chitlin circuit musician, I once worked in government service. My last job doing that, which I got out of maybe 15 years ago, was in human resources. I was the...
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