Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Oh, and also Ebay buyer…
Thanks for buying from me Oh wonderful eBay buyer. And thanks for the positive feedback. But you really didn’t have to mention That you bought a similar item elsewhere Which had free postage and packaging. I mean really, are you that concerned Over forty nine friggin’ pence difference? And by the...
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Monday, November 9, 2009
Hello Neigbourhood Friends
Hello friend, I own three dogs, two of which are bitches. Yet none of them, even though they are only eight months old - and we have five cats living here also - spend all day in my garden barking their tits off and irritating the living snot out of everyone else in the neighbourhood. The reason for...
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Tuesday, April 3, 2007
The Sea is a Cruel Mistress
Fifteen British sailors strayed into Iranian waters. Fourteen male crew and one woman. It doesn't take a genius to work out who was reading the map.
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Sunday, March 18, 2007
Happy Mother's Day
It's Mother's Day in England today. Dedicated to you, my mother. Thanks for not making it apparent that you knew I was using the hoover to masturbate with when you walked into my bedroom that time. Looking back now, it was pretty obvious I wasn't hoovering my cupboard out at all and perhaps, maybe I...
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Ode to a Mechanic, or whatever
Oh Gargage Man, Oh bastard, bastard Garage Man. I hate you, and I hate your family Those who spawned you should be brought back to life, so I could shoot them in the face and genitalia regions, just to make sure your greasy hands could definitely never fix another car ever again. And by fix I mean...
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Monday, January 16, 2006
I have a car and his name is Vladimir the Tosser
Here is a song I'm dedicating to my 1997 Ford Escort Bastard-mobile. It kind of sums up my feelings towards it. Or maybe it doesn't. (CHOIR BOY): Oh Escort Every day, I hate you Oh Escort, Every day, I want to kill you, ooo-oooh...... You can dance, you can drive, Having the time of your life, oo,...
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