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I read it a second time...that first stanza doesn't have the same flow as the rest...
Try to change it like
The soil beneath my feet
Winds that ruffle my hair...
posted by
Annicita
on September 4, 2022 at 9:10 AM
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I didn't like the first stanza because of the repetition of the word that...
posted by
Annicita
on September 4, 2022 at 9:07 AM
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Very good Big V. but personally I would omit the gory lines. I don't think lovers want to think beyond the feeling of the present completeness.
posted by
C_C_T
on August 1, 2022 at 9:51 AM
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The poetry is very interesting and appropriate for the use intended. 
posted by
TAPS.
on July 30, 2022 at 3:37 PM
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