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I guess it depends on the situation. My parents separated when I was 4 and my brother was 2 1/2, and they left us in a foster home. My mom didn't drive, but came to visit us about 5 times a year; my father made a new family and we rarely saw him. Both Bird and I, seeing how their lives turned out, agreed that they had actually done us a favor. To be noted that the first and longest foster home was with a couple, and lots of foster 'siblings'. Maybe that, plus our very young age, is why we didn't miss it so much?
posted by
adnohr
on February 15, 2022 at 1:45 AM
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Of course, once, most could not afford to get a divorce, or it was not so easy with
limited resources. Either way, an unhappy family must have put a strain on children.
Of course, any intelligent child would somehow blame themselves for not knowing
how to deal with the parent's emotion. That core of suppressed guilt Is buried in the
subconscious. It is the same for anyone who is abused as a child it is sussing it out
that is the problem. My explanation for what it's worth. Glad that you found release.
posted by
C_C_T
on February 14, 2022 at 2:12 AM
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Re: Kabu
That's how I feel at times even now, when my kids are independent and doing OK. Wish I'd made a note of that poet's name.
posted by
Pat_B
on February 13, 2022 at 4:55 PM
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I felt such guilt when my youngest son told me he had a mother but no father. he had a Father but no Mother and his brother had gone away to further his studies and so he didn't have a brother either. I kept myself very in check, not wanting this to turn into being about me for this was his pain and he was the innocent. it still hurts to think about all these years later. Parents don't stop loving their children but sometimes it would be worse for the children if they staid together.
posted by
Kabu
on February 13, 2022 at 2:41 PM
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Good Afternoon
I think divorce is so hard for families. Everyone suffers but sometimes it's better than being in an abusive marriage. It all depends on the circumstances. I've always admired Fathers that keep a close relationship with their children. The parents that can put their past behind them for the children's sake and show a united front when it comes to parenting are top-notch in my book.
posted by
Goldiec
on February 13, 2022 at 2:23 PM
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Good afternoon
It's hard for a child to not feel abandoned when the absent parent rarely visits the child or children. My dad left when I was a toddler. I have no memory of him even though I have been told that he visited me once in a blue moon. We moved 3,000 miles away from him. He died a few years later. I have pictures of him and me together, but I look at them and just do not feel any connection. Children who have two or more parents that stay engaged in their weekly happenings are blessed.
posted by
Sherri_G
on February 13, 2022 at 12:39 PM
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