Go to I am here and I am not silent
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You are SO right.
My ex was convinced that I was out to get him, and he invariably attributed the worst possible motives to me for everything I did. I started truly getting scared the day I had not hung up fresh towels a quarter-hour after taking the dirty ones to the washing machine. He came out of the bathroom furious, and said, "I just had to get my own towel out of the linen closet. Why don't you ever put things back when you take them away? You do this stuff just to annoy me." It was that last sentence that scared me. See, "you do ___ to annoy me" is a classic indicator of a paranoid mindset, and his using those exact words triggered the understanding in my mind that I was, in fact, dealing with a seriously disturbed individual. It was only later that I learned about the implications of someone whose primary source of anger was personal inconvenience. I had to read Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book "10 Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships" to learn about narcissism and its indicators. But I remember all those long years (hard to believe it was only four; it seemed like a lifetime) asking him why he always believed the worst, why he always misinterpreted my words, actions, and motives, and begging him to go to counseling with me so that we could learn to communicate better. Now I understand why he misunderstood, and why he refused to go to counseling.
posted by
editormum
on March 28, 2003 at 8:59 AM
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