Go to Life in the fast lane--where's the on ramp?
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- Go to HOPE AND DISAPPOINTMENT
You don't have to withdraw your love, and probably can't,
though it might seem the way towards peace of mind. You can disconnect, you can know it's right to stop enabling him. I suggest, though, sending him a letter, a real letter he can, if he chooses, keep and read again. You can tell him how it is from your side, acknowledge that he has choices to make that are terribly difficult and painful, that you will stay out of his life, but when he chooses to clean up and sort himself out, he will be welcome to come back to yours. It won't make much difference now, to tell him the love will never be gone, even though it won't be useful, or useable. But someday it might help him make the choice to come back to the family.
My heart is with you, I understand how very hard it is to love someone who is lost in addiction.
posted by
Ciel
on December 6, 2016 at 8:15 PM
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I'm sorry for everyone but mainly for the son who is lost! I shall be praying for him!!! sam 
posted by
sam444
on December 5, 2016 at 9:11 PM
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We can't force them to change. They have to want to change. I am so sorry that you are going through this especially during the holiday season. My heart goes out to you having gone through something similar with one of my sons.
Thankfully with time he did change and still needs to grow up some more but on his way. Big hug 
posted by
Annicita
on December 5, 2016 at 4:48 PM
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Re: Taps
Thanks for understanding, Taps. It just seemed to scream at me from the page. ♥
posted by
Pat_B
on December 5, 2016 at 3:52 PM
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I'm so glad that you deleted that dark black giant writing. I did not mean to post that way. Hold on to the hope, even if it continues to bring disappointment.
posted by
TAPS.
on December 5, 2016 at 1:43 PM
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darling Pat. My mother heart co joins with yours in the terrible knowledge that we have to really let go. That they are moved beyond what we can do. I am glad his brother went for you really do now know.
posted by
Kabu
on December 5, 2016 at 1:35 PM
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Pat Well of course you feel a mother's love, but there is not much you can do. You cannot ruin your own life over this. I know you have helped as did your other son, but if the drugs have taken him I don't think you can do much more. Obviously he needs to go into a reabiliation centre. Of course they never will. Your other son is more like you, well you were more forgiving, but he did his best. I would have felt like smashing the door down if I had travelled all the way to help.
posted by
C_C_T
on December 5, 2016 at 7:36 AM
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